Ooooh y’all looks like we’ve been blessed with a lil’ treat this month – new Vogue Patterns are out and they are something else. It’s almost like they’ve been saving the crazy ones and decided to give us a treat to take our minds off the world basically being a dumpster fire otherwise.
Before we get into it – I want to address the question that I get asked all the time, which is why I don’t write these reviews anymore. Ummm y’all I don’t know if there is another Vogue website I’m not seeing but honestly the stuff they have been releasing for the past few years has been pretty inoffensive. I look every single season and I really don’t see anything that warrants being made fun of. Lots of boring and meh stuff for sure, but none of the crazy WTF-were-y’all-thinking shit that we used to see in their catalogues. It’s not a conspiracy. No one told me to stop posting. I’m not holding out to be mean. I really just… don’t see the WTF much these days. That’s it, that’s the tea.
That being said, oh there’s plenty of it this season. Let’s take a look!
Vogue 1702 / Claire Shaeffer
It finally happened. Science has found to way to breed pants with skirts and created this hybrid monstrosity. But have we gone too far?
Vogue 1694 / Marcy Tilton
It’s a strange fabric choice but TBH I kind of like it.
Vogue 1697
Cute dress or whatever, but who is responsible for styling this shoot? The way the bias has draped at her lower back looks like a fucking jelly roll.
Vogue 1692 / Júlio César NYC
Ok, Angelina.
Vogue 1704 / Rachel Comey
Hot air balloon sleeves: A must-have for the season’s fashion.
Vogue 1707
Who approved that button placement? It looks like God put her nipples in the wrong spot.
Vogue 1710 / Rachel Comey
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph what the FUCK am I looking at here??
Vogue 1708
So I guess this is supposed to be a jumpsuit where the “bodice” is just long ties that you can wrap however. It’s a cute idea in theory I guess but in reality it looks like she quit sewing the garment halfway through and is trying to Little Mermaid her way into pretending like it’s a whole ass dress.
The back is cute, tho.
Vogue 1706
Hospital scrubs, but make it fashion.
Vogue 1700
Who wore it better?
Vogue 1703
I don’t hate the pattern, I just want to talk shit about the stripe placement.
Vogue 1695 / Today’s Fit By Sandra Betzina
Bonus – the bow doubles as a pillow!
Vogue 1705
Thanks, I hate it.
Vogue 1701
† THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! †
That’s all for this round! Thanks to Vogue Patterns for giving us some entertainment during these shitty, shitty times. Which one was your favorite?
This one is mine. Elbow windows! WITH RUFFLES. I cannot even tell you how long I’ve spent laughing at this.