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Vogue Spring 2018

New Vogue patterns are out! This season, they were kind enough to give us a nice mixture of awesome and wtf.

Vogue 1587 / Nicola Finetti
I’m just gonna go out and say it – this is one of the ugliest dresses I’ve ever seen. Those ~statement sleeves~ combined with the cold shoulder look + strappy top just give the effect of droopy boobs trying to pretend like they don’t know each other. Oh, and don’t forget the unintentional culottes thanks to that weird curved hem. Seriously, who is wearing this shit? This designer has tons of cute stuff, but somehow manages to only license the ugliest shit for Vogue patterns. Whyyyy.

Vogue 1589 / Guy Laroche
Despite the waterfall boob, I was gonna let this one slide. Then I saw the COMPLETELY OPEN BACK. Again- who is wearing this shit? How does the back stay in place? Do you get sideboob if you’re not careful? Does bending a certain way risk buttcrack? Asking the important questions here.

Vogue 1577 / Guy Laroche
Who wore it better?

Vogue 1591 / Rebecca Vallance
Ok, I actually like this. It’s not my style (not into the jumpsuit or the open back jam), but it’s super cute and I think this is one of the best versions of this sort of look I’ve seen yet. It’s pretty trendy but it’s still quite wearable, and the model looks great.

Vogue 9318
Want to take your “secret pajama” dressing to the next level? Cut out the middleman and just wear a pillowcase!

Vogue 9319
Fuck me, I am actually super into this. This is absolutely nothing practical about this look whatsoever but I would wear the shit out of it.

Vogue 1585 / Rachel Comey
Vogue 1585: The Dress With the Built-In Fart Catcher

Vogue 1583
I initially thought this top had a hoodie, and I was 100% digging it, but now I see it’s just a sad excuse for a sailor collar and I don’t know what to trust anymore.

Vogue 9317 / Marcy Tilton
When your shirt doesn’t fit right and you’d rather try to hack some afterthought darts than re-fit the entire thing.

Vogue 9314 / Kathryn Brenne
Is this… an updated Walkaway Dress?? How did it manage to look worse?

Vogue 9315
Not all heroes wear capes, but these bitches ain’t letting that stop them.

Vogue 9316
Hello, I am your present.

Vogue 9323 / Elizabeth Gillett
Mostly just including this so we can discuss THAT SWIMSUIT. I am disappointed that it’s not included in the pattern (although I do like the cover-up options!), because I’m curious to know what kind of interior structure is included to give the model that amazing cleavage. Seriously, she’s basically got a butt under her chin. Incredible.

Vogue 9306
Let me tell you exactly what this reminds me of:

What did you love (or hate!) about this collection? Are you just here to complain about my swearing (spoiler: save yourself the effort, I don’t careeeeeee)? How do you feel about 9320? My opinions on this one are mixed, and I can’t tell if I just like it because of the fabric choices they used.

Tags: lol, vogue, vogue patterns, WTF

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Vogue Patterns: Spring 2018

25 Jan

Well I was planning on posting a sewing project today, but Vogue just released their newest seasonal offering of sewing patterns and I actually have opinions for once! Yay! I swear, the last several offerings have been very… vanilla. Which is great for them, but not so great for snarky posts. Hence why these tend to be so infrequent. It’s hard to poke fun when there’s nothing to poke fun at 🙂

Anyway, let’s get on it!

Vogue 9303 / Marcy Tilton
Featuring a handy snack pocket, perfect for stashing some tots.

Vogue 1579 / Badgley Mischka
I mean, I hate the cold-shouldered look too but c’mon man you don’t have to be so dramatic about it.

Vogue 1581 / Tom & Linda Platt
When you cut your hem crooked and try to pretend like you did it on purpose and it’s actually a design element.

Vogue 1576 / Tom & Linda Platt
Ever wanted to pretend like you were a flying squirrel? Well, I’ve got a pattern for you…

Vogue 9307 / Julio Ceaser
You could hide an entire turkey in those sleeves.

Vogue 9292
Even the model looks bored with this pattern.

Vogue 9296
Aaaaaaaand now she looks high.

As a side note: I know I am going to get a lot of backlash for this, but I cannot wait until this cold shoulder look goes out of style. It just reminds me of this fucking Replicant shirt I used to own when I was in highschool:

Yeah, I thought those little tiny shoulder slits were suuuper cool. Also, the shirt was very sparkly haha.

Ok, moving on!

Vogue 1575
Ok, for real I actually like these pieces separate. But together, they look too art teacher chic. And not, like, fun art teacher chic but like… frumpy grumpy art teacher who doesn’t allow actual artistic expression and maybe even took over finishing your project for you because she was such a fucking control freak about it. That kind of art teacher. Anyone else have one of those? Just me?

Vogue 9299
Really?

Vogue 9304 / Kathryn Brenne
I don’t even know where to start with these. The front yoke just looks like she’s wearing her pants backwards, especially combined with those weird-ass pockets. The real kicker is how they are sewn on – the corners are loose, left to flap casually in the breeze.

I do like that sweater, though.

Tags: lol, sewing patterns, vogue, vogue patterns, WTF

Comments 115 Comments
Categories misc

Vogue Sewing Patterns: Winter 2014

17 Oct

Well, well, well… looks like the new Vogue sewing patterns are officially out! Happy day!! 😀 I’m know I’m late for this one – I hadn’t even realized that the new patterns came out (no shit, this is something that I tend to just randomly discover as I’m perusing blogs. Because, you know, joining the mailing list would be way too easy ), so I’m sorry that this is delayed! Although, to be honest, there’s really not a lot to snark here this go-round. Yay for Vogue, boo for us 🙂 Still, I didn’t want y’all to think that I’d, I dunno, gone corporate or some shit! Since my visit at the McCall Pattern Company offices, I’ve definitely had a much softer spot in my heart for the company and everyone who works there – but that doesn’t mean that we can’t still poke a little fun at ’em 🙂

One thing to keep in mind (something a lot of us – especially me! – recently learned) – with anything that is a Designer pattern, the garment you are seeing is an actual designer garment. Meaning, Vogue didn’t choose the fabric/notions and sew it up specifically for the pattern cover. It is literally a garment from the designer – labels, price tags, and all – that is being modeled. The pattern is drafted from the exact same garment (which was incredibly fascinating to hear all about), with Vogue sizing and instructions. Anyway, I’m reiterating this because any horrible fabric choices we see on the Designer patterns have nothing to do with Vogue! We should really be ripping the designer a new one (I’ve tried to note which pattern is Designer and who, so you know exactly who to direct your anger toward). That being said, any other Vogue patterns are fair game 😛

All right, onto the patterns!

Vogue 1426 // Badgley Mischka
OH MY GOD THIS DRESS HAS STARTED REPRODUCING

Vogue 1428 // Tom and Linda Platt
The question here is: Do we consider this print placement an epic fail or an epic win?

Vogue 1425 // Pamella Roland
Look at the lace at the hem. Wait for your eye to start twitching. You’re welcome.

Vogue 1427 // Donna Karan
Let’s call this one “Andre the Giant Goes to the Disco!”

Vogue 1422 // Tracy Reese
Here, Vogue decided to show you the prettiest dress/most gorgeous fabric/bestest hair ever in an attempt to distract you from what appears to be someone’s tool shed in the background.

Vogue 1423 // Bellville Sassoon
“What do you mean this isn’t how you wear a thong?”

Vogue 1424 // Rebecca Taylor
I guess the neckline is supposed to be some sort of snappy cutout, but honestly all I see when I look at this is a backwards wifebeater under a tank top.

Vogue 9046
I just wanted to point out that for once, this dress – with all it’s detailing – isn’t made up in some crazy patterned/shiny fabric, aka, you can see what is being modeled here.

Vogue 9066
~Tarp-Chic – taking camping to the next level, one business suit at a time.

Vogue 9072
If I was half this cute when I was a kid, maybe I wouldn’t be the angsty piece of shit I am today.

Vogue 9073
I just don’t know anymore.

Vogue 1429
What the everloving fuck is going on with this fabric.

Vogue 9065
If your lapels are so wide that they cover the shoulders of your SLEEVELESS BLAZER, you’re doing it wrong.

Vogue 1430
No comment on the pattern itself – my question is: Where the hell did they find this fabric, and do you think I can still get my hands on some?

Vogue 9069
Vogue 9096: The only time it’s ever socially appropriate to wear a bathrobe out in public.

Vogue 9057
The neck binding is not flat and that is bothering me way more than I care to admit.

Vogue 9060
Vogue 9060: When ~~bad things~~ Marcy Tilton happens to good people.

Vogue 9059
Frumpsville, population: This chick.

Vogue 9056 & Vogue 9055
So, these are pretty cute – basic knit tops with a few options. Just wondering, though, why the hell they have darts?? I thought that was the whole beauty of knits, that you could eliminate darts (barring giant FBAs or anything like that), and yet here they are. What’s the deal here?

Vogue 9074
Hey! I actually don’t hate this one. Ok, so that purse is definitely not my style, but let’s all just sit back and appreciate that it looks like a REAL PURSE you’d buy at, say, Macy’s. It doesn’t scream homemade – it actually looks pretty legit! (not that there is anything wrong with homemade purses – I’ve made my fair share of quilting cotton bags! But I think it’s safe to say one has definitely leveled up if they managed to make something that looks this pro, you know?). It even has little purse feet! Eee! Thumbs up for this one. I might pick up the pattern just to get a lurk on the instructions.

Vogue 9070
Ughhh I’m going to get so much shit for expressing my distaste – but I hate everything about this! The shape, the fabric, THE DANGLIES!

Anyway- what are your thoughts? See any patterns you love or hate? I gotta say, I’m disappointed to not see any Ralph Rucci 😦 I was excited to see what they’d come up with.

EDIT Just spoke with Meg (of the McCall Pattern Company fame) and she’s going through some family things right now, so there may be a delay in replies to the comments on her end. Just FYI!

Tags: are you serious with this shit, lol, McCall Pattern Company, omg wtf lol, patterns, vogue, vogue patterns, WTF