Tag Archives: lol

Vogue Patterns: Spring 2018

25 Jan

Well I was planning on posting a sewing project today, but Vogue just released their newest seasonal offering of sewing patterns and I actually have opinions for once! Yay! I swear, the last several offerings have been very… vanilla. Which is great for them, but not so great for snarky posts. Hence why these tend to be so infrequent. It’s hard to poke fun when there’s nothing to poke fun at 🙂

Anyway, let’s get on it!

V9303
Vogue 9303 / Marcy Tilton
Featuring a handy snack pocket, perfect for stashing some tots.

V1579
Vogue 1579 / Badgley Mischka
I mean, I hate the cold-shouldered look too but c’mon man you don’t have to be so dramatic about it.

V1581
Vogue 1581 / Tom & Linda Platt
When you cut your hem crooked and try to pretend like you did it on purpose and it’s actually a design element.

V1576
Vogue 1576 / Tom & Linda Platt
Ever wanted to pretend like you were a flying squirrel? Well, I’ve got a pattern for you…

V9307
Vogue 9307 / Julio Ceaser
You could hide an entire turkey in those sleeves.

V9292
Vogue 9292
Even the model looks bored with this pattern.

V9296
Vogue 9296
Aaaaaaaand now she looks high.

As a side note: I know I am going to get a lot of backlash for this, but I cannot wait until this cold shoulder look goes out of style. It just reminds me of this fucking Replicant shirt I used to own when I was in highschool:


Yeah, I thought those little tiny shoulder slits were suuuper cool. Also, the shirt was very sparkly haha.

Ok, moving on!

V1575
Vogue 1575
Ok, for real I actually like these pieces separate. But together, they look too art teacher chic. And not, like, fun art teacher chic but like… frumpy grumpy art teacher who doesn’t allow actual artistic expression and maybe even took over finishing your project for you because she was such a fucking control freak about it. That kind of art teacher. Anyone else have one of those? Just me?

V9299
Vogue 9299
Really?

V9304
Vogue 9304 / Kathryn Brenne
I don’t even know where to start with these. The front yoke just looks like she’s wearing her pants backwards, especially combined with those weird-ass pockets. The real kicker is how they are sewn on – the corners are loose, left to flap casually in the breeze.

I do like that sweater, though.

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Vogue Sewing Patterns: Winter 2014

17 Oct

Well, well, well…  looks like the new Vogue sewing patterns are officially out! Happy day!! 😀 I’m know I’m late for this one – I hadn’t even realized that the new patterns came out (no shit, this is something that I tend to just randomly discover as I’m perusing blogs. Because, you know, joining the mailing list would be way too easy ), so I’m sorry that this is delayed! Although, to be honest, there’s really not a lot to snark here this go-round. Yay for Vogue, boo for us 🙂 Still, I didn’t want y’all to think that I’d, I dunno, gone corporate or some shit! Since my visit at the McCall Pattern Company offices, I’ve definitely had a much softer spot in my heart for the company and everyone who works there – but that doesn’t mean that we can’t still poke a little fun at ’em 🙂

One thing to keep in mind (something a lot of us – especially me! – recently learned) – with anything that is a Designer pattern, the garment you are seeing is an actual designer garment. Meaning, Vogue didn’t choose the fabric/notions and sew it up specifically for the pattern cover. It is literally a garment from the designer – labels, price tags, and all – that is being modeled. The pattern is drafted from the exact same garment (which was incredibly fascinating to hear all about), with Vogue sizing and instructions. Anyway, I’m reiterating this because any horrible fabric choices we see on the Designer patterns have nothing to do with Vogue! We should really be ripping the designer a new one (I’ve tried to note which pattern is Designer and who, so you know exactly who to direct your anger toward). That being said, any other Vogue patterns are fair game 😛

All right, onto the patterns!

V1426
Vogue 1426 // Badgley Mischka
OH MY GOD THIS DRESS HAS STARTED REPRODUCING

V1428
Vogue 1428 // Tom and Linda Platt
The question here is: Do we consider this print placement an epic fail or an epic win?

V1425
Vogue 1425 // Pamella Roland
Look at the lace at the hem. Wait for your eye to start twitching. You’re welcome.

V1427
Vogue 1427 // Donna Karan
Let’s call this one “Andre the Giant Goes to the Disco!”

V1422
Vogue 1422 // Tracy Reese
Here, Vogue decided to show you the prettiest dress/most gorgeous fabric/bestest hair ever in an attempt to distract you from what appears to be someone’s tool shed in the background.

V1423
Vogue 1423 // Bellville Sassoon
“What do you mean this isn’t how you wear a thong?”

V1424
Vogue 1424 // Rebecca Taylor
I guess the neckline is supposed to be some sort of snappy cutout, but honestly all I see when I look at this is a backwards wifebeater under a tank top.

V9046
Vogue 9046
I just wanted to point out that for once, this dress – with all it’s detailing – isn’t made up in some crazy patterned/shiny fabric, aka, you can see what is being modeled here.

V9066
Vogue 9066
~Tarp-Chic – taking camping to the next level, one business suit at a time.

V9072
Vogue 9072
If I was half this cute when I was a kid, maybe I wouldn’t be the angsty piece of shit I am today.

V9073
Vogue 9073
I just don’t know anymore.

V1429
Vogue 1429
What the everloving fuck is going on with this fabric.

V9065
Vogue 9065
If your lapels are so wide that they cover the shoulders of your SLEEVELESS BLAZER, you’re doing it wrong.

V1430
Vogue 1430
No comment on the pattern itself – my question is: Where the hell did they find this fabric, and do you think I can still get my hands on some?

V9069
Vogue 9069
Vogue 9096: The only time it’s ever socially appropriate to wear a bathrobe out in public.

V9057
Vogue 9057
The neck binding is not flat and that is bothering me way more than I care to admit.

V9060
Vogue 9060
Vogue 9060: When bad things Marcy Tilton happens to good people.

V9059
Vogue 9059
Frumpsville, population: This chick.

V9056V9055
Vogue 9056 & Vogue 9055
So, these are pretty cute – basic knit tops with a few options. Just wondering, though, why the hell they have darts?? I thought that was the whole beauty of knits, that you could eliminate darts (barring giant FBAs or anything like that), and yet here they are. What’s the deal here?

V9074
Vogue 9074
Hey! I actually don’t hate this one. Ok, so that purse is definitely not my style, but let’s all just sit back and appreciate that it looks like a REAL PURSE you’d buy at, say, Macy’s. It doesn’t scream homemade – it actually looks pretty legit! (not that there is anything wrong with homemade purses – I’ve made my fair share of quilting cotton bags! But I think it’s safe to say one has definitely leveled up if they managed to make something that looks this pro, you know?). It even has little purse feet! Eee! Thumbs up for this one. I might pick up the pattern just to get a lurk on the instructions.

V9070
Vogue 9070
Ughhh I’m going to get so much shit for expressing my distaste – but I hate everything about this! The shape, the fabric, THE DANGLIES!

nope

Anyway- what are your thoughts? See any patterns you love or hate? I gotta say, I’m disappointed to not see any Ralph Rucci 😦 I was excited to see what they’d come up with.

EDIT Just spoke with Meg (of the McCall Pattern Company fame) and she’s going through some family things right now, so there may be a delay in replies to the comments on her end. Just FYI!