Tag Archives: WTF

Vogue Spring 2018

12 Apr

New Vogue patterns are out! This season, they were kind enough to give us a nice mixture of awesome and wtf.

V1587_01
Vogue 1587 / Nicola Finetti
I’m just gonna go out and say it – this is one of the ugliest dresses I’ve ever seen. Those ~statement sleeves~ combined with the cold shoulder look + strappy top just give the effect of droopy boobs trying to pretend like they don’t know each other. Oh, and don’t forget the unintentional culottes thanks to that weird curved hem. Seriously, who is wearing this shit? This designer has tons of cute stuff, but somehow manages to only license the ugliest shit for Vogue patterns. Whyyyy.

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Vogue 1589 / Guy Laroche
Despite the waterfall boob, I was gonna let this one slide. Then I saw the COMPLETELY OPEN BACK. Again- who is wearing this shit? How does the back stay in place? Do you get sideboob if you’re not careful? Does bending a certain way risk buttcrack? Asking the important questions here.

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Vogue 1577 / Guy Laroche
Who wore it better?

V1591_01
Vogue 1591 / Rebecca Vallance
Ok, I actually like this. It’s not my style (not into the jumpsuit or the open back jam), but it’s super cute and I think this is one of the best versions of this sort of look I’ve seen yet. It’s pretty trendy but it’s still quite wearable, and the model looks great.

V9318_01
Vogue 9318
Want to take your “secret pajama” dressing to the next level? Cut out the middleman and just wear a pillowcase!

V9319_01
Vogue 9319
Fuck me, I am actually super into this. This is absolutely nothing practical about this look whatsoever but I would wear the shit out of it.

V1585_05
Vogue 1585 / Rachel Comey
Vogue 1585: The Dress With the Built-In Fart Catcher

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Vogue 1583
I initially thought this top had a hoodie, and I was 100% digging it, but now I see it’s just a sad excuse for a sailor collar and I don’t know what to trust anymore.

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Vogue 9317 / Marcy Tilton
When your shirt doesn’t fit right and you’d rather try to hack some afterthought darts than re-fit the entire thing.

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Vogue 9314 / Kathryn Brenne
Is this… an updated Walkaway Dress??  How did it manage to look worse?

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Vogue 9315
Not all heroes wear capes, but these bitches ain’t letting that stop them.

V9316_01
Vogue 9316
Hello, I am your present.

V9323_03
Vogue 9323 / Elizabeth Gillett
Mostly just including this so we can discuss THAT SWIMSUIT. I am disappointed that it’s not included in the pattern (although I do like the cover-up options!), because I’m curious to know what kind of interior structure is included to give the model that amazing cleavage. Seriously, she’s basically got a butt under her chin. Incredible.

V9306_02
Vogue 9306
Let me tell you exactly what this reminds me of:

What did you love (or hate!) about this collection? Are you just here to complain about my swearing (spoiler: save yourself the effort, I don’t careeeeeee)? How do you feel about 9320? My opinions on this one are mixed, and I can’t tell if I just like it because of the fabric choices they used.

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Vogue Patterns: Spring 2018

25 Jan

Well I was planning on posting a sewing project today, but Vogue just released their newest seasonal offering of sewing patterns and I actually have opinions for once! Yay! I swear, the last several offerings have been very… vanilla. Which is great for them, but not so great for snarky posts. Hence why these tend to be so infrequent. It’s hard to poke fun when there’s nothing to poke fun at 🙂

Anyway, let’s get on it!

V9303
Vogue 9303 / Marcy Tilton
Featuring a handy snack pocket, perfect for stashing some tots.

V1579
Vogue 1579 / Badgley Mischka
I mean, I hate the cold-shouldered look too but c’mon man you don’t have to be so dramatic about it.

V1581
Vogue 1581 / Tom & Linda Platt
When you cut your hem crooked and try to pretend like you did it on purpose and it’s actually a design element.

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Vogue 1576 / Tom & Linda Platt
Ever wanted to pretend like you were a flying squirrel? Well, I’ve got a pattern for you…

V9307
Vogue 9307 / Julio Ceaser
You could hide an entire turkey in those sleeves.

V9292
Vogue 9292
Even the model looks bored with this pattern.

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Vogue 9296
Aaaaaaaand now she looks high.

As a side note: I know I am going to get a lot of backlash for this, but I cannot wait until this cold shoulder look goes out of style. It just reminds me of this fucking Replicant shirt I used to own when I was in highschool:


Yeah, I thought those little tiny shoulder slits were suuuper cool. Also, the shirt was very sparkly haha.

Ok, moving on!

V1575
Vogue 1575
Ok, for real I actually like these pieces separate. But together, they look too art teacher chic. And not, like, fun art teacher chic but like… frumpy grumpy art teacher who doesn’t allow actual artistic expression and maybe even took over finishing your project for you because she was such a fucking control freak about it. That kind of art teacher. Anyone else have one of those? Just me?

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Vogue 9299
Really?

V9304
Vogue 9304 / Kathryn Brenne
I don’t even know where to start with these. The front yoke just looks like she’s wearing her pants backwards, especially combined with those weird-ass pockets. The real kicker is how they are sewn on – the corners are loose, left to flap casually in the breeze.

I do like that sweater, though.

New Vogue Sewing Patterns: Winter 2015

5 Oct

If you haven’t heard, Vogue Patterns just released a new collection of sewing patterns a few days ago. I haven’t had a chance to really sit down and take a look at them as I’ve been out of town the last week (where I had a wonderful time teaching in Portland, Maine, and hanging out in Boston with Jenny. Couldn’t have asked for a better week! Hope to post more about it later 🙂 ), but man, this was a nice welcome back. Ha.

Surprisingly (or not, depending on your stance with Vogue), most of the patterns in this collection are relatively tame (and a few are even sorta tasty). I’m a firm believer that winter clothes are far superior to summer clothes (layers and cozy wools and tights and scarves and don’t even get me started on sparkly holiday dresses, wheee!), which may have something to do with my opinion on the new pieces.

V1475
Vogue 1475 // Badgley Mischka
Like this shiny piece of opulence. Ain’t no place in my life for a sparkly evening gown, but man, I really like this. I even like the fabric – I think it works really well with the style of the dress.

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Vogue 1474 // Tom and Linda Platt
Or how about a bias floor-length gown made in a yummy silk charmeuse? Yes, please!

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Vogue 9145 // Claire Shaeffer
YOU CAN JUST GET ON MY BODY ASAP.

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Vogue 1468 // Nicola Finetti
Obviously there’s nothing particularly ground-breaking about this design (and I’m starting to get sick of the exposed metal zipper trend on EVERYTHING, sorry not sorry), but I like all the options for colorblocking and using different textured fabrics. Also, do I spy a new designer in the line-up?? YAY.

V1477
Vogue 1477 // Sandra Betzina
Love knit tops with interesting neckline detail like this.

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Vogue 1479 // Isaac Mizrahi
I know these oversized coats are supposed to be really trendy right now, but they’re just a little too 80s-Power-Career-Woman-With-Strong-Shoulders to me.

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Vogue 9160
“Excuse me! My eyes are up here!”

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Vogue 1469 // Lia Lia
Even the skinniest model wearing the prettiest dress can’t escape a bad piping placement.

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Vogue 1471 // Nicola Finetti
Really beautiful dress, but it should have been worn by a model with similar proportions. The waistline is way too high, yeesh. And if I’m way off my rocker and that’s the way the dress is supposed to look… double yeesh.

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Vogue 9149
“We need to figure out a way to re-release this pattern but make it seem new.”
“What if we add a tail?”
“Say no more.”

Those were pretty tame. However, Vogue wouldn’t be Vogue without a little random fuckery thrown in.

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Vgoue 9159
“You promised when making these pieces that you’d never wear the two of them together. The lie detector test determined that was a lie.”

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Vogue 9153 // Marcy Tilton
I swear to god, every Marcy Tilton pattern is starting to look the exact same.

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Vogue 9156
I totally had a pair of purple fuzzy zebra print pants when I was in high school. I guess this answers what ended up happening to them.

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Vogue 9162 // Kathryn Brenne
I guess buttflaps are also making a comeback this year.

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Vogue 9163
“Bitch, be cool.”

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Vogue 1478 // Sandra Betzina
“Well, at least I wouldn’t skin a collie to make my backpack.”

V9164
Vogue 9164 // Kathryn Brenne
“I wish this was a hamburger instead.”

V1473
Vogue 1473 // Bellville Sassoon
Bellville Sassoon gives you wiiiiiiiings!

V9165
Vogue 9165 // Mary Jo Hiney Designs
This has to be the weirdest accessory pattern Vogue has ever released. Custom decorative boxes – complete with a notions list that rivals the entire stock of your local Joann’s. Also, the 9 year old me in is amused that the designer’s name is “hiney.” That is all.

And SPEAKING OF FUCKERY – I saved the very best for last!

V1472
Vogue 1472 // Zandra Rhodes
Every single thing about this outfit is insane. I couldn’t tell if that was a skirt or really low-crotch harem pants, until I looked at the line drawing – and was delighted to also discover that the look includes suspenders (to keep the skirt up, I imagine. That thing looks heavy af). And in case you don’t feel sexy when wearing an entire bolt of fabric, there’s a lovely midriff cut-out – the perfect space to allow for a little post-holiday-dinner belly expansion.

What did you think about the new Vogue collection? Anything gorgeous that needs to be a part of your wardrobe? Any random fuckery that makes you want to tear your eyes out? How do you like them new designers? Ahh, Vogue, it’s like you’re giving me Christmas 4x a year. I loves you.

Vogue Spring/Summer ’15 Sewing Patterns

10 Apr

New Vogue Sewing Patterns were just released the other day! What better way to celebrate their arrival (and give myself a little more time to procrastinate getting my shit together, mostly because I CAN’T FIND MY CAMERA REMOTE, ARGH), than to rip apart the latest offerings? 😀
V1451Vogue 1451 // Donna Karan
“Hey, Ambular. Was that you going through my laundry?”
V1450Vogue 1450 // Guy Laroche
“As if! Like I would really wear something from Judy’s.”
V1444Vogue 1444 // DKNY
I know there is a whole class of sewists dedicated to making sure that their insides look as pretty as the outside (both hands raised bc I’m totally part of that camp!), but this shit is taking that to the next level.
V1446Vogue 1446 // Rebecca Taylor
Did seriously no one bother to tell this poor girl about the toilet paper stuck to her shoe?
V1454Vogue 1454 // DKNY
Vogue 1454: Includes butt canopy.
V1447Vogue 1447 Tracy Reese
REALLY cute dress pattern, awkward fabric choice.
V9100Vogue 9100
koolaidFirst thing that comes to mind every time I see that damn ripped paper background.
v9108Vogue 9108 // Marcy Tilton
As usual, Marcy Tilton does not disappoint.

V9117Vogue 9117
I’m having a really hard time trying to figure out the storyline behind this photo. Was she working on home renovations before going to lunch?
V1452Vogue 1452
Ladies, if this ensemble isn’t fabulous enough for you, just know that you can also make it out of stretch velour.
V1453Vogue 1453
Sandra Betzina, what the fuck have you done now?
V9115Vogue 9115
Kimono-no-no.
V9114Vogue 9114
The perfect pocket for stashing your extra tots.
V9111Vogue 9111
“I have given up.”
V9120Vogue 9120
Introducing the Bellow Bag: For all your accordion-hiding needs.
And finally, check out this trifecta of fuckery: Vogue 9121
V9121aA) Tragic fabric choice? Check.
V9121bB) Unnecessarily long dangly? Check.
V9121cC) Saggy boob illusion? Check.
Vogue. Please don’t ever stop.

 

(psst! If you haven’t done so already, don’t forget to enter the Sewing for Fashion designers giveaway! Entries close on Monday morning 😉 )

Vogue Sewing Patterns: Winter 2014

17 Oct

Well, well, well…  looks like the new Vogue sewing patterns are officially out! Happy day!! 😀 I’m know I’m late for this one – I hadn’t even realized that the new patterns came out (no shit, this is something that I tend to just randomly discover as I’m perusing blogs. Because, you know, joining the mailing list would be way too easy ), so I’m sorry that this is delayed! Although, to be honest, there’s really not a lot to snark here this go-round. Yay for Vogue, boo for us 🙂 Still, I didn’t want y’all to think that I’d, I dunno, gone corporate or some shit! Since my visit at the McCall Pattern Company offices, I’ve definitely had a much softer spot in my heart for the company and everyone who works there – but that doesn’t mean that we can’t still poke a little fun at ’em 🙂

One thing to keep in mind (something a lot of us – especially me! – recently learned) – with anything that is a Designer pattern, the garment you are seeing is an actual designer garment. Meaning, Vogue didn’t choose the fabric/notions and sew it up specifically for the pattern cover. It is literally a garment from the designer – labels, price tags, and all – that is being modeled. The pattern is drafted from the exact same garment (which was incredibly fascinating to hear all about), with Vogue sizing and instructions. Anyway, I’m reiterating this because any horrible fabric choices we see on the Designer patterns have nothing to do with Vogue! We should really be ripping the designer a new one (I’ve tried to note which pattern is Designer and who, so you know exactly who to direct your anger toward). That being said, any other Vogue patterns are fair game 😛

All right, onto the patterns!

V1426
Vogue 1426 // Badgley Mischka
OH MY GOD THIS DRESS HAS STARTED REPRODUCING

V1428
Vogue 1428 // Tom and Linda Platt
The question here is: Do we consider this print placement an epic fail or an epic win?

V1425
Vogue 1425 // Pamella Roland
Look at the lace at the hem. Wait for your eye to start twitching. You’re welcome.

V1427
Vogue 1427 // Donna Karan
Let’s call this one “Andre the Giant Goes to the Disco!”

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Vogue 1422 // Tracy Reese
Here, Vogue decided to show you the prettiest dress/most gorgeous fabric/bestest hair ever in an attempt to distract you from what appears to be someone’s tool shed in the background.

V1423
Vogue 1423 // Bellville Sassoon
“What do you mean this isn’t how you wear a thong?”

V1424
Vogue 1424 // Rebecca Taylor
I guess the neckline is supposed to be some sort of snappy cutout, but honestly all I see when I look at this is a backwards wifebeater under a tank top.

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Vogue 9046
I just wanted to point out that for once, this dress – with all it’s detailing – isn’t made up in some crazy patterned/shiny fabric, aka, you can see what is being modeled here.

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Vogue 9066
~Tarp-Chic – taking camping to the next level, one business suit at a time.

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Vogue 9072
If I was half this cute when I was a kid, maybe I wouldn’t be the angsty piece of shit I am today.

V9073
Vogue 9073
I just don’t know anymore.

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Vogue 1429
What the everloving fuck is going on with this fabric.

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Vogue 9065
If your lapels are so wide that they cover the shoulders of your SLEEVELESS BLAZER, you’re doing it wrong.

V1430
Vogue 1430
No comment on the pattern itself – my question is: Where the hell did they find this fabric, and do you think I can still get my hands on some?

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Vogue 9069
Vogue 9096: The only time it’s ever socially appropriate to wear a bathrobe out in public.

V9057
Vogue 9057
The neck binding is not flat and that is bothering me way more than I care to admit.

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Vogue 9060
Vogue 9060: When bad things Marcy Tilton happens to good people.

V9059
Vogue 9059
Frumpsville, population: This chick.

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Vogue 9056 & Vogue 9055
So, these are pretty cute – basic knit tops with a few options. Just wondering, though, why the hell they have darts?? I thought that was the whole beauty of knits, that you could eliminate darts (barring giant FBAs or anything like that), and yet here they are. What’s the deal here?

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Vogue 9074
Hey! I actually don’t hate this one. Ok, so that purse is definitely not my style, but let’s all just sit back and appreciate that it looks like a REAL PURSE you’d buy at, say, Macy’s. It doesn’t scream homemade – it actually looks pretty legit! (not that there is anything wrong with homemade purses – I’ve made my fair share of quilting cotton bags! But I think it’s safe to say one has definitely leveled up if they managed to make something that looks this pro, you know?). It even has little purse feet! Eee! Thumbs up for this one. I might pick up the pattern just to get a lurk on the instructions.

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Vogue 9070
Ughhh I’m going to get so much shit for expressing my distaste – but I hate everything about this! The shape, the fabric, THE DANGLIES!

nope

Anyway- what are your thoughts? See any patterns you love or hate? I gotta say, I’m disappointed to not see any Ralph Rucci 😦 I was excited to see what they’d come up with.

EDIT Just spoke with Meg (of the McCall Pattern Company fame) and she’s going through some family things right now, so there may be a delay in replies to the comments on her end. Just FYI!

Vogue Patterns 2014: Fall Collection

16 Jul

I actually had a legit blog post planned for today. But then, Vogue went and released their Fall patterns for 2014. Merry Christmas in July, y’all!

Before I go any further, let me address the inevitable “WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO VOGUE OMGGG” comments:

I+DON+T+GIVE+A+FUCK_b3dd59_3577430

HA! 🙂 Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some snarking to do 😉

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Vogue 1416
Well, well! Looks like someone got a discount on that bolt of neon purple polyester satin.

Also, let this be a cautionary tale:
V1416back
If you don’t properly press your seams, you *will* end up with Vagina Butt.

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Vogue 1417
Was 1373 leaving your arm in the cold? No worries, we’ve got that (and yer neck!) covered!

V1414
Vogue 1414
I was inclined to like this until I realized the top has a boob flap. Why, Vogue. Why.

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Vogue 9035
I don’t get this. I understand that the designer was trying to do something funky with the seaming details, but the overall effect is that she made a bunch of mistakes and half-assed trying to fix them.

V9035
Like, look at that cuff. JUST LOOK AT IT.

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Vogue 1410
Well, that just looks stupid.

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Vogue 1407
This is actually REALLY cute and I can totally see Carolyn rocking the shit out of it.

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Vogue 1408
Ack, I love this one too! It would look awesome with a contrasting fabric to really show off all those seam details.

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Vogue 1409
So, the seamlines+color scheme+texture (I’m guessing it’s stretch velvet?) on this dress totally makes me think of a saber toothed tiger. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I guess, if you’re into that sort of thing. I tried to Google y’all a picture of a saber toothed tiger just to prove my point… and instead I came across this:

richard_nixon_fighting_a_saber_tooth_tiger_by_sharpwriter-d6bln06
Yes, you saw that right. That is Richard Nixon punching a saber toothed tiger.

There’s also this amazingness from the same artist. HOLY SHIT THIS GUY IS AWESOME.

Thanks, Google!

Ok, back to Vogue…

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Vogue 1404
Hm, could be hit or miss.

BUT(t)…

V1404hem
The topstitched hem is pretty snazzy, amirite? High five, Vogue!

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Vogue 1419
Not really sure how I feel about this one. It’s very different and I do like that. I can’t stand the sleeves, though. All I want to do is grab that underarm excess and pinch it.

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Vogue 1406
Yo Vogue, your epileptic fabric choices mean I CAN’T SEE SHIT!

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Vogue 9040
I just wanted to point out that, again, the wall is collapsing around her. They really should hire a building inspector to take a look at that place before someone gets hurt.

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Vogue 9038
I swear to God, this is LITERALLY a rectangle of fabric with a cutout down the middle.

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Vogue 1413
No, Vogue, you can’t do that – that’s just cheating.

V9029
Vogue 9029
WAY too many ruffley/dangly options, but all in all – not half bad. I’d sew it!

V9036
Vogue 9036
Way to take a really cool pattern and make it look like a throwback to the embarrassing part of the early 90s.

V1411
Vogue 1411
Whaaaaaaat! These are awesome.

V9028
Vogue 9028
Who the hell puts an invisible zipper (aka not a design element) in a knit top? What the fuck.
Side note: I just made the mistake of staring at her bun, and now I’m lost in a vortex of swirling hair. Magic!

V9031
Vogue 9031
Who draws these things, anyway? Like, who sat there and thought, “Hmm, you know what this skirt needs? LEOPARD PRINT*.”

(*y’all know I fucking love leopard print. But, as with everything good, there is a time and a place. This was not the time, nor the place.)

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Vogue 9037
I am convinced that they just rephotograph/redraw this every season and call it new.

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Vogue 9024
Even the model can’t figure out where the other half of her peplum went.

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Vogue 9021
For me, going through the Vogue patterns from top to bottom is like browsing Netflix. The first few rows are attention grabbing, but as you go down, they get progressively worse.

V9018
Vogue 9018
Not

V9020
Vogue 9020
Even

V9033
Vogue 9033
Trying

V9042
Vogue 9042
Can we discuss how utterly ADORABLE these little kids patterns are, though?

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Vogue 9043
Like, holy shit, I think they almost brought my shriveled up ovaries back to life.

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Vogue 9041
And, you know… in case you forgot where babies come from, Vogue is here to remind you.

V9044
Vogue 9044
This will be very useful for those days when you have no pockets or purse and need to stash things in your hat.

V9045
Vogue 9045
Lord, Vogue, haven’t we already discussed this?

V9045bridal
Whatever. Don’t let me stop you.

In other Vogue news, I noticed that Vogue is taking notes for a future sewalong, as well as a giveaway for one of the new patterns (they didn’t ask me to promote this, btw. Just noticed and figured some of y’all would be interested!). They’ve really been pushing the social media lately and I think it’s awesome! Just, you know… keep releasing a healthy dose of wtf patterns and/or envelope with wacky styling, please. I need something to entertain me.

What do you think about these new patterns? See any you love or love to laugh at?

Vogue Patterns 2014 Spring/Summer Collection

6 Jan

The new Vogue collection can actually be summed up in one word: Zzzzzzz….

Forreal, don’t fall asleep while browsing these.

V8972
Vogue 8972
Despite how boring this looks in the picture, it’s actually pretty great – lots of customization options for the skirt and sleeves, and it would look really cool with some fabric colorblocking. I definitely plan on picking up a copy for myself. Yay Vogue! U did it!

V1381
Vogue 1381
Hm, looks familiar

V8990
Voge 8990
Even though it totally looks like a cross between a laptop case and a Bible holder, I gotta give Vogue props for making a handbag pattern that actually looks like something people would carry. Kind of, anyway.

V1383
Vogue 1383
Macaron with bonus danglies!

V8987
Vogue 8987
Could be useful if you needed a sew a uniform for your boyfriend who works at a country club, I guess.

V1379
Vogue 1379
That giant armhole looks like a portal that leads straight to hell.

V8973
Vogue 8973
I think this might be cute, but holyeeee shit how unflattering does it look on the model??

V8974
Vogue 8974
Seriously, are they putting forth any effort whatsoever?

V1389
Vogue 1389
Like, this actually looks cool as shit when you look at the line drawings, but would you ever guess that from just seeing the picture?

V8969
Vogue 8969
Apparently they’re not even trying to make the super stylized/unrealistic line drawings even look flattering anymore.

V8970
Vogue 8970
I rest my case.

V1385
Vogue 1385
Vagina neckline.

V8981
Vogue 8981
This is so stupid, it’s actually making me a little angry.

V8982
Vogue 8982
I also irrationally hate this; the asymmetrical hem just looks like they fucked something up during the sewing process. Whyyyy.

V1388
Vogue 1388
I don’t necessarily hate this jacket, it’s just confusing the shit out of me. Looks like a combination jacket and vest? Help?

V8984
Vogue 8984
I… what.

V8975
Vogue 8975
michael-scott-no
That gif about sums up how I feel.

So, what do you think? Anyone else fall asleep yet?