If you haven’t heard, Vogue Patterns just released a new collection of sewing patterns a few days ago. I haven’t had a chance to really sit down and take a look at them as I’ve been out of town the last week (where I had a wonderful time teaching in Portland, Maine, and hanging out in Boston with Jenny. Couldn’t have asked for a better week! Hope to post more about it later 🙂 ), but man, this was a nice welcome back. Ha.
Surprisingly (or not, depending on your stance with Vogue), most of the patterns in this collection are relatively tame (and a few are even sorta tasty). I’m a firm believer that winter clothes are far superior to summer clothes (layers and cozy wools and tights and scarves and don’t even get me started on sparkly holiday dresses, wheee!), which may have something to do with my opinion on the new pieces.
Vogue 1475 // Badgley Mischka
Like this shiny piece of opulence. Ain’t no place in my life for a sparkly evening gown, but man, I really like this. I even like the fabric – I think it works really well with the style of the dress.
Vogue 1474 // Tom and Linda Platt
Or how about a bias floor-length gown made in a yummy silk charmeuse? Yes, please!
Vogue 9145 // Claire Shaeffer
YOU CAN JUST GET ON MY BODY ASAP.
Vogue 1468 // Nicola Finetti
Obviously there’s nothing particularly ground-breaking about this design (and I’m starting to get sick of the exposed metal zipper trend on EVERYTHING, sorry not sorry), but I like all the options for colorblocking and using different textured fabrics. Also, do I spy a new designer in the line-up?? YAY.
Vogue 1477 // Sandra Betzina
Love knit tops with interesting neckline detail like this.
Vogue 1479 // Isaac Mizrahi
I know these oversized coats are supposed to be really trendy right now, but they’re just a little too 80s-Power-Career-Woman-With-Strong-Shoulders to me.
Vogue 9160
“Excuse me! My eyes are up here!”
Vogue 1469 // Lia Lia
Even the skinniest model wearing the prettiest dress can’t escape a bad piping placement.
Vogue 1471 // Nicola Finetti
Really beautiful dress, but it should have been worn by a model with similar proportions. The waistline is way too high, yeesh. And if I’m way off my rocker and that’s the way the dress is supposed to look… double yeesh.
Vogue 9149
“We need to figure out a way to re-release this pattern but make it seem new.”
“What if we add a tail?”
“Say no more.”
Those were pretty tame. However, Vogue wouldn’t be Vogue without a little random fuckery thrown in.
Vgoue 9159
“You promised when making these pieces that you’d never wear the two of them together. The lie detector test determined that was a lie.”
Vogue 9153 // Marcy Tilton
I swear to god, every Marcy Tilton pattern is starting to look the exact same.
Vogue 9156
I totally had a pair of purple fuzzy zebra print pants when I was in high school. I guess this answers what ended up happening to them.
Vogue 9162 // Kathryn Brenne
I guess buttflaps are also making a comeback this year.
Vogue 9163
“Bitch, be cool.”
Vogue 1478 // Sandra Betzina
“Well, at least I wouldn’t skin a collie to make my backpack.”
Vogue 9164 // Kathryn Brenne
“I wish this was a hamburger instead.”
Vogue 1473 // Bellville Sassoon
Bellville Sassoon gives you wiiiiiiiings!
Vogue 9165 // Mary Jo Hiney Designs
This has to be the weirdest accessory pattern Vogue has ever released. Custom decorative boxes – complete with a notions list that rivals the entire stock of your local Joann’s. Also, the 9 year old me in is amused that the designer’s name is “hiney.” That is all.
And SPEAKING OF FUCKERY – I saved the very best for last!
Vogue 1472 // Zandra Rhodes
Every single thing about this outfit is insane. I couldn’t tell if that was a skirt or really low-crotch harem pants, until I looked at the line drawing – and was delighted to also discover that the look includes suspenders (to keep the skirt up, I imagine. That thing looks heavy af). And in case you don’t feel sexy when wearing an entire bolt of fabric, there’s a lovely midriff cut-out – the perfect space to allow for a little post-holiday-dinner belly expansion.
What did you think about the new Vogue collection? Anything gorgeous that needs to be a part of your wardrobe? Any random fuckery that makes you want to tear your eyes out? How do you like them new designers? Ahh, Vogue, it’s like you’re giving me Christmas 4x a year. I loves you.
LLADYBIRD 
Thank you for making me laugh out loud! Only Vogue can produce patterns that are so insanely impractical and pose them with such sincerity!!
I wonder if they ever even sell any of those patterns. Presumably they know it’s 2015 right?!
Oh, they sell the hell out of them. ESPECIALLY the Marcy Tilton ones, ha! 🙂
I’m bummed, I think there’s less to buy here than any collection yet. I’m starting to see potential in 9145 but not in ref-stripe, yikes.
I guess I’m the only one who likes the red-stripe. What can I say – I played a lot of soccer as a kid 😉
Relatively polite this time ladybird . That trip must have soothed you ! I have to agree with a lot of your very acutel observations though😜
It’s hard to be super snarky when there’s not a lot of shitty material to work with 🙂 hahaha
I love reading your comments on Vogue pattern releases! And I agree with you on most of these.
However, the first thing I noticed about 1468, which I just can’t get out of my head now, is the fabric choice was a little unfortunate, making it look like she should have changed her tampax maybe a few hours earlier! Sorry if that’s a little crude!
And 1469 could have been so nice, but how could they get the piping placement so wrong! It makes the model look misshapen and I am worrying about chafing on certain delicate areas . . .
hahahahahahahahahahah!
Haaaaa i was looking at 1468’s radioactive armpit. Double whammy!
Oh god, can’t unsee. Hahaha
How could Vogue have NOT seen that!! Shall we send them boxes of Tampax?
You Madame win the comments section! Congratulations- you may collect your prize at the exit 😉
I totally missed that on my first pass. Now it’s stuck in my head! Very unfortunate floral pattern placement. And nip chafing? (snicker)
LOLOLOL I DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE THE TAMPAX MISHAP. TOO GOOD (and definitely not too crude for this blog! :P)
So reading the first few reviews – I’m like ok, yeah. Then reading the last few – I’m trying to control myself from guffawing (is that a word?) All over my keyboard. Then I blew it on the last review omg. Lmao.
HAhahahahaha. I fucking love your reviews of pattern releases! Even when I completely disagree with them (“Make-It-Look-Cool, Bitch, Challenge” pending).
Do not understand V1472. Couldn’t stop staring at it. And then looking at the line drawings. And then looking at the photo again. What the…?
(That said, I’m sure someone will find a way to avant-garde it up and make it nifty, but until then: Do. Not. Understand.)
Weirdly, if you look at the tech drawing for Vogue 9163 it’s actually quite nice – very close to the Grainline Cascade duffel! But you’d never know it in the two tone flannel they have going on there…
Um, no, have another look, the hood is cut on to the front of the coat as an extension of the lapel. Has a beavis cornholio vibe when raised: http://voguepatterns.mccall.com/filebin/images/product_images/Add_6_Full/V9163.jpg
The cascade is a traditional hood joined at the neckline.
I want saying it was the same, just that it was similar.
Understood, I just think it’s miserable fabric AND bad bones.
Cornholio! That’s EXACTLY what it looks like haha!
“random fuckery”–too funny. Always love your comments on Vogue patterns.
HaHaHaHa The Emperor has no clothes- alas someone calls out the insanity. That be said I do like Vogue 9163
Oh my god, that last one. THAT LAST ONE.
I feel they are throwing out a challenge with the last one. Let’s see if anyone can do anything with this……
Ha ha! Should have known my comment wasn’t too crude for readers of THIS blog! 😉
1473 makes no sense as a winter pattern when it’s clearly a beach cover-up.
OMG!!! I can’t stop laughing. Your descriptions of the new Vogue fashion are spot on AND hilarious!! Love it
These are awful. My guess would be this company is going into the circular file.
Vogue 1468 errr placement of the red flower in the pattern? Not good!
I agree completely! WTF with the last one! OMG my sides are hurting. I totally agree.
Oh. my goodness, my Guinness… The last one Looks indeed very awful
ROTFLMAO……………………………………it could not have been said or narrated any better – thanks
Yas! I look forward so much to your Vogue new pattern posts. I’m less than inspired by the new offerings, sadly. It’s a mix of “meh” and oversized wierdness. I did buy 9157 though… cute details and I love the multi cup size patterns! Saves me having to do an FBA and they always fir great.
Good job I didn’t discover that you’d posted this when I was at work. There’s only so much giggling my serious colleagues can take. Megan, just can’t get past the rather unfortunate pattern positioning now on V1468. And what is that Zandra Rhodes apparition, apparently the skirt can be “worn two-ways” according to the pattern information. How? As far as I was aware, skirts are worn around the waist, with fabric covering backside and legs? Anyway, quite agree with you Lauren about exposed zips. I’ve never seen why they get used everywhere. Nice pretty floral dress, slap an ugly back zip with metal teeth down the back – I really don’t get it!
It can be rotated 90 degrees so the yoke is on the tummy or the hips. Such possibilities, don’t know how I missed that in the photos! It requires purchased shoulder straps, suspenders must be great on bare skin.
Ha, now I get it! What styling possibilities – can’t wait to try that on all my skirts!
Yes, my thinking has been so uptight–I’m gonna let my skirts just spin where they will!
Wait, what! No danglies? You disappoint me, Vogue!
I know!!! This might be the first time I haven’t seen danglies since, like… 2007!
I can’t get over the butt-flaps picture/final scene from The Blair Witch Project. “Now go stand in the corner and think about what you just sewed!”
That last one! You can see the daggers being shot from the model’s eyes at having to wear such hideousness.
I always get a kick out of your New Vogue Pattern posts…
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NETFLIX: “The Time In Between”
I’m totally addicted.- Spanish dressmaker goes to Morocco with a BAD BOYFRIEND and he… (Well, you just have to watch it.)
🙂 Chris
here’s the Preview:
For some reason Netflix didn’t get hits for the title, but I found it when I searched for the actress’s name. http://www.netflix.com/title/80004614 Thanks!
Um, that butt flap. So bad they made the model stand in the corner. And the 1468? Nice dress but the unfortunate placement of the flowers right there makes it look like she’s had a very unfortunate incident with her period. Slap that on the back and everyone would be pointing and whispering!
What a way to wake up on a Tuesday morning…spewing coffee out my nose! lol Thanks Lauren! I do like 9145 and would wear it to work but agree with the comment about ref stripes. Really? If not them, then what? A solid? Or maybe a tone-on-tone gray/black? That last skirt looks like the super baggy pants military folks brought back with them from the desert in the Iraq war. They called them 7-day shitters.
McCall’s was nice enough to link to this dress which is a much better interpretation of the spiral cut. I also like that the striping is wide/narrow instead of uniform, but oh well.
https://www.modaoperandi.com/thom-browne-pf14/seamed-spiral-cut-dress-in-rugby-stripe-silk-mogador_3
The way that dress is designed, which I can see better in your link, is that for my pattern-size 18, I’d need a total of 6 yards of fabric (2 yds of each color) in order to get full length bias cuts for each piece from shoulder to opposite side hem. That’s a lot of fabric when I normally only need 2.5 yds. I’ll probably pass. Thanks!
Yes that was my first thought, too. I like conceptual pieces like this but when actually calculating the fabric required I’m willing to leave them though experiments. Also, in the close ups of the Thom Browne it looks like pull along the piecing seams of the bodice has been very hard to control. Last thing I’d want is to go to all the trouble and have it look hackneyed.
Hancock Fabrics had Vogue patterns for $4.99 last week so I picked up 9149 (the catalog shows another version street length without the tail). I had 9145 in my hands and truly considered it, but sadly it didn’t make it into the cart.
Oh god, that is beautiful. Now I understand why y’all don’t like the ref-stripes. This is SO much better!
Hilarious! Thanks for the grins….If I had somewhere to wear an evening gown, I might try the slinky gown. I wonder who buys those patterns, and what kind of life they lead (sigh). Glad there are some new designers there, but honestly, what’s with those boxes? Really?
So tired of exposed zippers. They’ve always looked to me like an attempt to make an accident look deliberate – like the dress was made just a little to small so they pulled out the invisible zipper and put in a huge metal one for the extra space and called it ‘avant-garde’, ‘bold’, and ‘a fresh take on XYZ’. bah 🙂
❤ the stripey dress, and kinda like the big coat too – I like to keep my thighs warm on cold days 🙂
Your Vogue reviews never disappoint.
I don’t normally post, but I just have to tell you that I love you, you crazy girl. Xxx, A Grandma
Sent from my iPad
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If you want to know more about Nicola Finetti and what he might bring to the Vogue pattern line up (and god please let it be no more peplums) check out his link [http://www.nicolafinetti.com/2014/12/pre-fall-2015-2/] That dress you are all laughing about turns out to be his sample, not Vogue’s make!
I find it very interesting of all the Oz designers, he is the one that has been signed up. I would have preferred to see something less tame from him – but it’s a decent start and ANYTHING (yes, even the Rhodes mess) is better than more Tilton shirts!!
Oh yeah, the designer patterns are always samples from the designers. That blew my mind when I found that out – all the questionable fabric choices and terrible fit is solely the fault of the designer, not the pattern company!
I haven’t had a chance to look at Nicola Finetti, so thanks for posting the link!
Aw, thank you! I love you too! 🙂
‘Bitch, be cool’ just made me crack up laughing – brilliant 🙂
Hahaha!
I have to admit, I can’t not like the Zandra Rhodes pattern cos, like, it’s Zandra Rhodes. But I like that, the sequin dress AND the purple zebra coat. Some combination of these things would be epic. Truly.
You always make me laugh with these posts, I was really befuddled by those decorative boxes and yes, I noticed her name was Hiney too! 🙂
I love the little snark in the morning. Too funny!
I stumbled on to this blog as I was googling Vogue 1474 to figure out if I had made the right decision when ordering it an hour ago. Thoroughly enjoyed your write-ups! And the comments. Thanks for the laughs Yes, some of these designs are just weeeeeiiiird.
Hahahaha best “pattern descriptions” I’ve ever seen
I am making V1469, without the piping…
This article is hysterical, and spot on!