Tag Archives: omg wtf lol

Me Made May ’13 – Week 1 Round-up

3 May

First off, thank you SO MUCH for the lovely comments on my lace trench yesterday! SHUCKS, Y’ALL. You sure know how to make a girl feel special 😉

Now, let’s round up the first week of Me-Made-May! I know, it’s not a full proper week… but I like to do my round-ups on Friday, soooo deal with it.

5/1
5/1
Dress: Cake Patterns Tiramisu
Cardigan: Miette
Shoes: Nine West
I spent most of this day sitting in a car (on my first ever ~business trip~ woohoo), so I opted for something comfortable that wouldn’t wrinkle. As a side note, those 4+ hours as a passenger meant I got a LOT of knitting done. Expect a sweater post sooner than later, ha.
Also, welcome to the ugly side of my sewing room.

5/2
5/2
Tshirt: Sewaholic Renfrew
Skirt: Vogue 8317
Belt: Banana Republic
Shoes: Thrifted (yes, I’m totally gross and I thrift shoes, DGAF)
I need to find more ways to wear this skirt, because every time I do I get SO many compliments on it (usually in the form of, “Oh, I love that skirt… OMG I LOVE THE BACK!!!!” haha). I think it would be really fun paired with navy, or even teal.

5-3
5/3
Top: Papercut Patterns La Sylphide
Jeans: Imogene+Willie
Shoes: Keds
(not shown: Sewaholic Patterns Minorou jacket)
These jeans are my one piece of “cheat” clothing. MMM is all about focusing on wearing, well, me-mades, but let’s be real here – these are my only pair of jeans (yep!) and May is most likely the very last month I’m going to be able to wear them before it gets too hot for the summer. Considering I paid a shit ton of money for them and I love the everloving shit outta them, I decided the jeans are my free pass as long as the rest of the outfit is LT-made. I mean… they are handmade, just by someone else. That counts, right? 🙂
Also, it’s cold today and I wanted to wear pants. So there.

So that’s that! A short week of Me Made May; next Friday should be a little more interesting 🙂

Now, let’s talk about the new Vogue patterns that just came out.

They are actually pretty boring, sad to say 😦 Like a good 3/4 of them look exactly like patterns that were released last season, or the season before… just different fabrics and/or models. I do want to point out that whoever they have modeling with the red hair is a TOTAL BABE.

V1354
Vogue 1354
Am I right? BABE CITY USA.
I don’t even notice the ridic poses because I’m too busy being jealous THAT I DON’T LOOK LIKE THAT.

Then there’s this:
V8900
Vogue 8900
It’s… interesting. Definitely not a style that many people can pull off (both waist cut-outs AND a top that can barely accommodate a bra), but I don’t think pattern companies necessarily need to make stuff that flatters *everyone*, you know? I’ll give them credit for being interesting, and ignore all those seams that are screaming to be pressed.

Then these happened:
V8913
Vogue 8913
I think we’ve reached a breaking point with these unnecessary buttflaps.

V8914
Vogue 8914
Everything about this is just unfortunate.

V8895
Vogue 8895
Someone please tell me in what world this dress would be considered flattering?! Her head looks so tiny in comparison!

V8897
Vogue 8897
Hideously unflattering tunic aside (which, I might add, is eerily similar to this previous hideously unflattering tunic) it appears that their iron must have exploded during the making of this since NOTHING is pressed. Just looking at that hem is making my eye twitch.

The rest of the patterns are so boring, they put me to sleep. Actually, that’s a great idea. I’m going to print them out and bind them in a little book for the next time I am dealing with insomnia. Thanks, Vogue!

Oh, Vogue.

24 Jan

Nothing like some Vogue-hate to cheer me up when I’m having a shitty week, amirite. Thanks, Vogue!

V1341
Vogue 1341
I don’t get this. It looks someone tried draping for the first time and failed as hard as they could possibly fail.

V1342
Vogue 1342
True story: I check my Google search terms every day (because they are hilarious and awesome) and my very favorite one was when someone found my blog by searching “buttcrack sundress.” I always wondered what a buttcrack sundress was. Now I will wonder no more.

V1340
V1340 (1)
Vogue 1340
From the puffy darts to the shitty fit to the sad attempt at whatever is going on there with the neckline, this dress makes my heart hurt.

V1337
Vogue 1337
No comment on the dress, I just think the pose is really really funny.
COME AT ME, BRO.

V1338
Vogue 1338
Y U mad, tho?

V1347
Vogue 1347
Vogue, stop trying to make the danglies happen.

V8873
Vogue 8873
The pattern describes this as a “fitted bodice.” I don’t know about you, but nothing about that bodice looked fitted to me.

V8870
Vogue 8870
Well, that pattern placement is just tragic.

V1345
Vogue 1345
NOPE.

V8887
Vogue 8887
I actually don’t mind this get-up too much (except for that pants length… yikes). I just wanted to make fun of her shoes.

V8879
Vogue 8879
The fuck is going on here.

V8883
Vogue 8883
Vogue, what did we just talk about regarding those danglies.

V8891
Vogue 8891
The prettiest beekeeper you ever did see.

I’m noticing a new trend here, in that NOTHING FUCKING FITS ANY OF THESE MODELS. What the hell! I know that most fashion magazines pin back the clothing to make it tight on the models, but ffs Vogue you had these things sewn for you. Could you not size down?? Compare the actual pants to the line drawing here. Those are not supposed to be Hammer pants, contrary to what the photo would have you believe. I’m just… I have no words. No words at all.

Vogue, go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done.

NO! Bad Vogue!

31 Oct

Soooooo Vogue just released their fall/winter sewing patterns. (Un?)Forunately, they aren’t too bad this time around. Not a lot of snark here; these are actually pretty boring & blah and ughh I almost didn’t bother posting because I was just so fucking underwhelmed. Seriously – even Koos van den Akker appears to have left the crazy at home this time. But, I dunno, it’s a slow day & the requests have started trickling in so I’ll just consider this my Treat to y’all. No tricks, please!

One thing that stuck out to me this go-round was the sheer amount of unnecessarily frivolous patterns.

V8858
Vogue 8858
Such as… oh, I don’t know, this flamingo flamenco skirt?

V8850
Vogue 8850
Or this vintage repro – while beautiful, I just don’t see a modern woman waltzing around the office with a giant slab of fabric hanging off her waist like a forgotten napkin. Or am I just being a bitter old hag here? Maybe it’s the cheap shiny satin, but this pattern is getting the serious side-eye from me right now.

V8853
Vogue 8853
A flowy ruffled blouse with a matching flowy ruffled caplet in the same eye-bleedingly busy print? SIGN ME UP.

V8846
Vogue 8846
Or perhaps you fancy a dress with a built-in cape? It is Halloween, after all.

V1335
Vogue 1335
Buzz Lightyear, to the rescue!

V8868
Vogue 8868
I know everyone is freaking out over the fascinators, and I’m not going to rain on your parade for fear y’all are gonna eat me alive.
All I am gonna say is, it looks like the black-eyed children have finally found a way to be invited into your home (spooky link alert, FYI!)

V1334
Vogue 1334
Nothing earth-shattering here, only the most unflattering outfit I think I’ve ever seen.

V1332
Vogue 1332
REAL TALK: This straight-up looks like a vagina.

V8855
Vogue 8855
Wonderful pocket place y’all got there!

V8867
Vogue 8867
They finally did away with the randumb giant leaves this time, and instead settled on using decapitated arms.

V8869
Vogue 8869
“BLIIIINDED BY THE LIGHT- WRAPPED UP LIKE A DOUCHE, ANOTHER BONER IN THE NIGHT~”

More Vogue WTF:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

New Vogue Sewing Patterns Are Here!

26 Jul

Oh my god, you guys – Vogue just released their newest line of sewing patterns! It’s like Christmas in July today!!!

Unfortunately, the new line-up isn’t really fit for snark. The designs are inoffensive, rather plain honestly. *YAWN*

So instead, we’re going to make fun of the pictures! Because they are hilarious . Also there is a mysterious window.

V1316
Vogue 1316
That kind of side eye comes from someone who has been hurt before.

V1313
Vogue 1313
I’m curious as to why they decided the perfect moment to take the picture was also the exact moment the model fell directly on her ass.

V1317
Vogue 1317
Lurks McGee

V1321
Vogue 1321
Incognito McGee

V1320
Vogue 1320
Invisible Chair.

V1312
Vogue 1312
Oh, God… I can’t even… is she popping a squat? WHO DECIDED ON THE POSES FOR THESE PICTURES?

V1324
Vogue 1324
“Don’t go… it’s… it’s not safe out there.”

V1325
Vogue 1325
“Ok, hon, it looks like you’re a little too tall for the frame. Do you mind crouching down a little? I need to get those killer Payless shoes in the picture as well. There. That’s good, that’ll work. You’re a natural, doll.”

In all seriousness, that 1325 suit is pretty fucking cute:
V1325 (1)

V1318
Vogue 1318
I would love to make some type of snarky comment implying that the fan is necessary when you are wearing a stank-inducing vest made of plastic alligator skin but I think the picture speaks for itself.

V8832
Vogue 8832
For the gay pirate in all of us.

V8844
Vogue 8844
Or, if you’re a shriner, we’ve got you covered on that end too

V1322
Vogue 1322
I need someone to explain this garment to me because I’m not entirely sure what I’m looking at. Is it… a suit jacket with no arms that has magically expanded into a cape?

V8843
Vogue 8843
I just love the randumb giant leaf they chose to include in all that handbag pictures.

V8829
Vogue 8829
A prime example of a tragic fabric choice. This pattern is actually super cute; it’s just impossible to see past the shiny on the envelope picture.

V1315
Vogue 1315
This one was my favorite, which is why I saved it for last. She looks like she’s creeping around a doorway and I spent about 10 minutes laughing at when I first saw it.

It is basically Christmas today, so I suppose I owe y’all a gift of some sorts:
picasion
I hope you like it.

this post has nothing to do with anything

7 Oct

well well well, blogland – it’s been a while, hasn’t it? wanna see what i’ve been up to?

well, firsties… i cut my hair off. and then i dyed it black-brown (clearly, i wanted it to match my soul):
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i must say, the partial lack of hair in my life has been awesome. it definitely has more bounce to it and my pincurls actually last all day now. and headbands are pretty much the cutest thing ever on this coif. yay short(er) hair!

my s10 pick-up bit the bullet – hard – and i had to scrap it (the timing belt broke & ripped through the engine, if you’re curious). but it’s ok, because i bought a new truck. meet ruby:
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and she has air conditioning! my first air conditioned vehicle in over 6 years yay!

i also made a halloween costume for a friend:
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you can read my pattern review here, although there’s not much to say. i used simplicity 2853, with minor modifications. no, i didn’t make the hat. i might have my moments of crazy, but they don’t involve making hats!

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i also made this wreath, to put on my front door. talk about a moment of crazy.

oh, wait, i’m supposed to talk about sewing here, huh?
let’s discuss simplicity’s new pattern line. actually, the whole line is really boring & yawn-inducing, let’s talk about 1947 & 1948 instead.
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rather, i just want to talk about the guy with the purple hair. what is going on here? he looks like he wants us to believe he is going to beat somebody up (i personally think he would run away crying if you challenged him to a fight.

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LOL WELL OK THEN.

new vogue sewing patterns: just checked, still ugly

30 Sep

ooh you guys, vogue just released their winter sewing patterns! in fact, it’s been almost exactly a year since i last shit all over them. happy anniversary to me! let’s celebrate with a snarky shit-talking post, shall we?

i’ll start off with the 3 that i like.

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vogue 1271, kay unger
gorgeous dress, although the fabric choice is pretty tragic. can you imagine this in a lush black with a jewel-toned belt? i die.

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vogue 1265, pamella roland
i hated this one the first time i saw it – i thought it was some kind of awkward dressy romper/suit hybrid. EW. actually, it’s just a dress – that is a slit in the front, although i have no idea why they put it there since it obviously doesn’t need it once you see the back:
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again: i die. twice.

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vogue 8766
ok, this one isn’t really that special, i think i just like the lacy lace. pretty sure i have a dozen patterns exactly like this, but with different cover art. still – me likey!

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vogue 1273, badgley mischka
i like this ok – it has some neat detailing – but, again, tragic fabric choice. what’s with all the shiny polyester satin, vogue?

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vogue 1267, tom & linda platt
i like the detail seaming, but for the most part, this dress is pretty meh.

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vogue 1272, bellville sassoon
i know we are still in the middle of an 80s revival, but this is just uncalled for.

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vogue 1269, chado ralph rucci
i want to like this, i really do, but the flounce overload is giving me hives.

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vogue 8768, vintage vogue
actually, this one isn’t so bad aside from the WTF STYLING. this mess doesn’t fit the model AT ALL, especially that unflattering hemline. she looks horribly awkward & uncomfortable. i don’t blame her.

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vogue 8769
well, that’s practical.

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vogue 8780
what is this i don’t even.

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vogue 1279, pamella roland
not a bad suit by any means, but why did they decide to make it up in 3D hologram fabric? excuse me wtf r u doin.

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vogue 8776
actually, this one just made me laugh for about 5 minutes straight. thanks for the mood-lifter, vogue!

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vogue 8783, marcy tilton
i love that this purse is ~designer~, if by designer you mean totes appropes for hauling around in the minivan on the way to the soccer fields. i’m side-eyeing that woman’s hair so hard right now, willing it to morph into this. and oh, look, she’s wearing 8780! in green fleece!

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vogue 1276
this is actually a sleeveless vest, thoughtfully covered in hairballs.

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vogue 1268, guy laroche
looks like a cheap pocahontas halloween costume.

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vogue 1277, koos van den akker
you can defend koos van den akker all you want, but every single one of his designs is ugly as shit, as far as i’m concerned.

a nonsensical post of whatever

9 Aug

i’ll be laying low this week… the tomato art festival is saturday (this saturday… eek!) and my booth stash is quite lacking. as it stands now, i’ve been feverishly sewing tomatoes & more tomatoes with no end in sight. well, saturday, anyway. so i won’t be unveiling any new clothing this week!

however, if you’re in nashville, i highly recommend stopping by 🙂 our booth – the wicked tomato factory – will be on 11th avenue, in front of the green wagon! we will be selling tomato-themed art, jewelry, headgear, and of course tomato pincushions 🙂

so this post isn’t entirely no-sew, have a cardigan i refashioned into LT-size:
cardigan - before
before

cardigan - after
after
pretty easy revamp! i cut the sides smaller (the original shirt was an XL… i usually wear an XS or a S), shortened the hem a few inches, reattached the sleeves much shorter. i love cardigans, but the ones that fit me are usually reeeal pricey & the cheap ones are always the wrong size! so glad i can sew 🙂

i also started cutting out my fabric for the leopard print peplum jacket.
it would have started much sooner – it did start much sooner, actually, but i was having major fit issues with my muslin. i’m pretty sure the muslin still isn’t perfect but i totally gave up after the 4th one. whatever! it’s a jacket!

this kind of steamed me, though:
leopard jacket
laid out my pattern pieces

WTF
LOOK AT ALL THAT EXTRA FABRIC WTFFFFF

i ended up cutting the long sleeves out as well, because damn, i don’t want to waste fabric. it worked out perfectly in the end, though. well, perfectly if the sleeves are well-drafted i guess. i didn’t do a muslin of those because i thought i only bought enough fabric for short sleeves. LOL RIGHT.

i want to do some light tailoring with this jacket – bound buttonholes, padstitching the collar (but not the lapels – they are separate pieces from the jacket front so i don’t think it’s necessary) and a backstay. i have a beautiful teal bemberg rayon for the lining, and teal buttons. bring it!

i must get back to creating tomatoes. in the meantime, here is a present for you:
lol
you’re welcome 😉