Vogue Patterns 2013 Fall Collection

30 Jul

Yaaaaay, new Vogue Patterns are in!

This batch wasn’t too bad – the patterns themselves aren’t necessarily terrible (for the most part), but the fabric choices still give us something to giggle over. Which brings me to to my next question – do you think Vogue is onto me? Are they purposefully giving us lols at this point?

Whatever, don’t stop! We like the entertainment!

Vogue 1366
I don’t have anything to snark about this one, really. Questionable fabric choices aside, I would wear the shit out of those pants.

Vogue 1361
I like this IN THEORY, but I also keep noticing that the tucks are not evenly spaced and that back seam looks less bias and more crooked and it’s making my eye twitch.
Oh god, I just realized the collar is totally lopsided too. I take back every positive thought I had about this dress.

Vogue 1358
The style lines on this dress are not half bad (although the drapey poof sleeves need to go), but whyyyy would you sew this up in shiny purple? She looks like she’s melting.

Vogue 1362
I love the waist pleating on this dress, just not that bullshit going on at the neckline. Wtf is the deal with that, anyway? It looks like Vogue 1340, except deflated.

Vogue 8930
Vagina coat, take two.

Vogue 8934
Ok, I know this is a ~Marcy Tilton~ and crazy fabrics are the whole point, but I’m hoping we can all agree that whatever that shiny reflective shit they have going on is a tragedy, and needs to be stopped.

Vogue 8919
Dolman sleeves with a faux boob-minimizing overalls. Ooook.

Oooh, bonus shiny fabric! Gah, where do they find this stuff?

Vogue 8918
Vogue: Featuring necklines that only a mother could love.

Vogue 8921
I’m guessing this is supposed to be a replica of Princecess Kate’s Engagement dress, but the fit and shape here are all wrong. They could not have made this look more unflattering if they tried.
On a side note, one of the fabric requirements is Silk Spun Knit!? Whatever that is, I want me some!

Vogue 8922
This is a really cute dress, but woof at those fabric combinations.

Vogue 8927
PROTIP: If you’re going to put your model in a shirt that’s too big, don’t make the sleeves sheer lace that we can see through.

Vogue 8924
The best part of this picture is the shit in the bottom right corner. What is going on over there? Is the building falling down around her? Should we send for help?

Vogue 8926
I think we need to have a shiny fabric intervention.

Vogue 8936
This is… ok. It looks striking in the pictures (or is that just the model?), but I don’t know any woman who would wear such an exaggerated and long peplum. The back must be pushing a good 10″ away from her ass.

Vogue must have gotten a discount on shitty pleather this season.

Vogue 8935

Vogue 8939
Sister Wives: The Business Edition.

Vogue 8941
No Vogue release would be complete without the addition of an Ugly Hat.

Oh, look, I saved the best for last…

Vogue 8942
I don’t know about you, but it’s high time we had frog and owl purses in our respective wardrobes.

That frog is just like, “… nope.”

Oh god, I just noticed that there is a nest with eggs in the background of the owl picture. I’M DYING.

106 Responses to “Vogue Patterns 2013 Fall Collection”

  1. Jill @ Made with Moxie July 30, 2013 at 9:18 am #

    Holy god. I’m just dying laughing. What is wrong with them?

  2. eeyore July 30, 2013 at 9:19 am #

    Ive gotta tell you though. I have a 9 year old daughter who would be heading out to the car and driving to Joanns herself to snag that frog purse. No lie.

    • LLADYBIRD July 30, 2013 at 9:21 am #

      ngl, I would have been all over that when I was 12, too… although probably in a more fun fabric 😉

  3. Roisin July 30, 2013 at 9:21 am #

    All of this makes me want to call my friend the Nope Octopus. That purple shiny blouse dress thing looks pretty labial, even in purple.

  4. SA Curve Ruler July 30, 2013 at 9:23 am #

    I’m dying, you are so funny and I totally agree!

  5. Lana July 30, 2013 at 9:29 am #

    I’m almost in tears, honestly, tears. From laughing to hard. I wait every season for the new Vogue patterns to come out just for the commentary from all the bloggers.

    And yes I actually jumped back from the screen when that owl purse came up. WTF?

  6. theseedsof3 July 30, 2013 at 9:30 am #

    Vogue 8936 is straight out of the Matrix. And sooooooo should go back!

  7. lecsmiscellany July 30, 2013 at 9:31 am #

    Lol!!! I *love* your Vogue posts and this was just hilarious. There’s some unfortunate fashion there, but those purses definitely take the prize. Seriously?!

    Awesome post!

  8. April B July 30, 2013 at 9:32 am #

    So funny; thanks for that!

  9. Kristin Saunders July 30, 2013 at 9:33 am #

    Since I have a lot of junk in my trunk, I think the peplum top would be perfect on me. In yellow. In shiny yellow. I could wear it on our first day back to school for bus duty. Only I’d blend in. And I think my dog would go all “Wild Kingdom” on the owl bag. Thanks for my laugh today!

  10. Claire July 30, 2013 at 9:34 am #

    Ahaha! Those purses are adorable in a way that would never, EVER compel me to carry them as an accessory. I feel so bad for them. Those animals just look like they wanted to be saved from their miserable fate.

  11. sassicandiandi July 30, 2013 at 9:36 am #

    I was having a good morning. Looking at these patterns could have made it…well, awkward. But your comments took things to an AWESOME level. Keepin’ it real. (*¬*)

  12. Seraphinalina July 30, 2013 at 9:39 am #

    I can’t believe they styled those purses with adults. Like commenters above, I would have loved that as a kid, but as an adult?!? Oh no….
    And I’m quite glad I wasn’t drinking my tea when I got to the sister wives, business edition comment. I laughed again just writing that.

  13. tia July 30, 2013 at 9:40 am #

    So you do have a lot of bad things to say about this batch of pattern afterall. LOL The Vagina Coat is my favorite line. You are a funny commentator. Love your blog. Crappy patterns for fall Vogue and even worse fabric choices. UGH!

  14. carolinascallin July 30, 2013 at 9:40 am #

    LOL…great parade of “fashions”…! Totally agree the shiny fabrics have to go. Why is Vogue encouraging this travesty? They must have some kind of kick back from the shiny fabrics game…! I don’t know…nothing really calling out to me here.

    As a side note on the animal purses…used to sell cutsie animal purses at our children’s store…they were incredibly popular with the 12 and under set! Don’t think anyone much over that could pull off an owl/frog bag in a boardroom setting…!

    • carolinascallin July 30, 2013 at 9:41 am #

      Thanks for your fun review, btw! Always a pleasure to get your commentary on the new pattern releases 😉

  15. tillybuttons July 30, 2013 at 9:45 am #

    Make. The. Frog. Make. The. Frog…

    • LLADYBIRD July 30, 2013 at 9:47 am #

      Don’t you EVEN tempt me, Tilly!

  16. jen July 30, 2013 at 9:51 am #

    If someone makes me that frog purse I will carry it everywhere for the entire fall season just for shits and giggles (mostly giggles… although if someone shits themselves laughing I would definitely be happier than I probably should be…)

  17. Rory July 30, 2013 at 9:59 am #

    Is that a fetal ultrasound projected on 8919?! Considering how high it is, it’s not human. It, along with the fabric, came from space. At Vogue, no one can hear you scream.

    • LLADYBIRD July 30, 2013 at 10:17 am #

      This is the best comment I’ve ever received on this blog, I think. HAHAH!

  18. Becky July 30, 2013 at 10:11 am #

    Although, in their defense, that owl purse would be perfect for a kid who was really into Harry Potter.

  19. Heather Lou July 30, 2013 at 10:16 am #

    I actually think this was one of the worst collections in a while because it’s so meh and snooze and zzzz. Not a single thing I would really make (but I rather think the vagina coat could be kinda cozy in a double sided suede/shearling). And seriously. Who the fuck is styling these things? It’s VOGUE. VOGUE. Not Redbook on uppers. My 60 year old Martha Stewart worshiping mother could do a better job styling these shoots and THE FABRIC IS THE WORST. Hey um, guys? You are not helping your lazy designs but making them out of cheap shiny pleather. They need to get some hungry young designers up in there because it is Not. Working.

    • LLADYBIRD July 30, 2013 at 10:18 am #

      I keep saying that I wish Vogue would hire me on to style these shoots (and maybe even sew the test garments because, woof, they need it), but I don’t think that will EVER happen considering how much I’ve trash talked them over the years.

      Still… Vogue? Call me.

      • Carolyn July 30, 2013 at 2:22 pm #

        You do know that they have sample makers who make up the garments? So all you have to do is move to NYC, deposit yourself on their doorstep and beg. I’m sure they’d overlook the trash talking once they realized what skills you have! 😉

        • LLADYBIRD August 2, 2013 at 3:02 pm #

          I have seriously considered it!

  20. christinehaynesdotcom July 30, 2013 at 10:23 am #

    oh my god, the frog purse! what on earth are they thinking? that is unbelievable!

  21. Beverly Miller July 30, 2013 at 10:26 am #

    OMG! Lladybird, you are the Tom & Lorenzo of Vogue Patterns. So funny and sadly, true.

  22. Trice July 30, 2013 at 10:44 am #

    I would almost buy Vogue 1361, just to see how they did those tucks and then draft a pattern that makes it work.
    Part of me really wants to like the Matrix peplum, of course I would have to hack the shit out of it. I would keep the back length for my dunk and shorten the front length. Chop the sleeves off and probably change the fabric since I am not convinced on the leather and peplum marriage.
    I am confused about what Vogue women would rock the owl and frog bag. Seriously, can you imagine what the models must have thought.
    Love your post

  23. PendleStitches July 30, 2013 at 10:49 am #

    Was it the wonderful Tim Gunn who once queried “I wonder what sort of fashion crack they are smoking” or words to that effect. I think he would be shrieking at the horror of this!

  24. mrsmole July 30, 2013 at 11:26 am #

    As much as I love Marcy Tilton and have attended her classes, that coat just looks like a black plastic garbage bag with a collar. There has to be something better! The rest…who decides what is used and what is not? Shiny Pleather? someone got a boatload/shitload of that for demo garments….

    • sullivan1970 July 31, 2013 at 11:34 am #

      I emmediately thought roadkill then saw the fabric actually says ROAD on it!

  25. Giddy July 30, 2013 at 11:27 am #

    I just can’t stop laughing… What possessed them?

  26. Katherine Rhodes July 30, 2013 at 11:32 am #

    Ok I am a newbie at sewing and when I saw these new patterns I thought maybe I was missing seeing great lines and structure, then I read your commentary on the new patterns. I was laughing at my desk at work, thank you for posting. Wtf is up with that frog, it looks like he hung himself……I really hope that is not the trend….

  27. maddie July 30, 2013 at 11:40 am #

    I’ve been more and more into sewing with commercial patterns (rather than drafting my own) but in no way would I buy any of these!

  28. MAE July 30, 2013 at 11:40 am #

    Holy fucking shit. If you ever choose to do a voice-over of you looking through vogue please PLEASE post it on youtube so i can cry and laugh and show my sewing buddies. I can’t believe pleather made a first run, let alone a comeback!


  29. Nancy Bryson July 30, 2013 at 11:54 am #

    I couldn’t stop laughing Emma. Have you read Lauren’s Vogue review? LOL LOL LOL


  30. scgoble July 30, 2013 at 12:00 pm #

    I lost it at “Sister Wives. The business edition.” I work at a law firm that’s pretty conservative, fashion-wise, and not even our stuffiest older lawyer would wear that. W.T.F.

  31. Maria July 30, 2013 at 12:12 pm #

    Uggh, I hate everything EXCEPT the frog person, hahaha! Well, not for me – or any sane grown women – but for little kids (and in the right fabric, of course) it would be great!

    • Maria July 30, 2013 at 12:13 pm #

      P.S. Your comments are hysterical BTW

  32. Kimberly July 30, 2013 at 12:29 pm #

    1) terms like “vagina coat” are what keep me coming back to your blog. lmao and so true.
    2) besides most of the clothes not fitting well on the models, the ‘princess kate’ one looks decidedly unhappy
    3) 8922 has some possibilities…
    4) 8924 is a pillowcase with holes for arms & head? a smock? wth really vogue?
    Thank you Lladybird for another great pattern collection outing 🙂 always enjoyable!

  33. Nothy July 30, 2013 at 12:32 pm #

    You have somehow made the lousy collection from Vogue interesting and fun. I laughed all the way through this post…

  34. MTangel July 30, 2013 at 12:35 pm #

    I love the frog’s mournful face – even he knows he shouldn’t be dragged into an office.

    I always wondered who bought the dreadful fabric I see in the local fabric store. Who knew Vogue had a use for so much ugly shiny stuff? At least 8924’s smock isn’t made from pleather, but I don’t think she should wear a necklace like that for architectural salvaging.

  35. pinkschmink July 30, 2013 at 12:39 pm #

    I think we can safely file this season under ‘What the actual fuck?’

  36. K-Line July 30, 2013 at 1:02 pm #

    I am seriously snort laughing right now. Lord, I thought this collection was ok till I considered it in light of your commentary! Most strikingly horrible is that red dress at the top, wherein every freakin’ seam is misaligned. I thought it was just me but the more I look, the worse it gets.

  37. Isidore July 30, 2013 at 1:04 pm #

    I’m laughing SO hard at the frog purse, but at the same time knowing that some time over the next few months I’ll be surfing a vogue patterns sale with a bit of a beer buzz and it will somehow end up in my cart… I think that’s how I became the proud owner of V1307 – the Sandra Betzina / MC Hammer collaboration pants. My grandchildren will thank me.

  38. symondezyn July 30, 2013 at 1:36 pm #

    They just got worse and worse towards the end didn’t they? LOL. The pants at the beginning were good (except for the Joker colours and stork pose), but I couldn’t help thinking the rest of the styles all looked like matronly 80’s wear trying to be avant garde.

    I thought the owl purse was kinda cute though LOL

  39. Sally C July 30, 2013 at 1:45 pm #

    Oh God, you keep me sane. Keep dishing it up. You are awesomely talented AND hilarious.

  40. Sabine July 30, 2013 at 1:49 pm #

    The frog purse totally cracks me up!

  41. Rachael-Lynn July 30, 2013 at 2:01 pm #

    Ohh…god! Your comments Lauren are hilarious!! Who in their right mind would sew up any of these patterns!?! They’re awful! But maybe I see a sewing challenge here…who can make one of these patterns actually stylish and something someone would WEAR as opposed to some awful “fashion” monstrosity! And the furry purses!?! Seriously!?! Wow.

  42. Rachael-Lynn July 30, 2013 at 2:08 pm #

    I was sharing these delightful fashions and comments with my mom who stated that 1361 “looks all twisted and crooked!” This coming from a woman who cannot even sew on a button! Even SHE can see these are awful!!

  43. sewdooley July 30, 2013 at 2:16 pm #

    Lesson learned, don’t read the Lladybird Vogue pattern reviews while eating lunch. I was choking with laughter.

  44. Sabs July 30, 2013 at 2:29 pm #

    The owl is saying, “this is not my idea, I thought I was doing a shoot for FHM. Please get me out of here. I might just hang myself. Oh, I already am”

  45. Zoe July 30, 2013 at 2:30 pm #

    Are those frog and owl bags seriously meant for adults?! xx

  46. Philippa July 30, 2013 at 2:32 pm #


  47. sarah July 30, 2013 at 2:35 pm #

    Oh good grief!! your review certainly made me laugh but what the hell is going on with vogue, and those animal bags seriously, one half of vogue pattern designers must be on acid and the other half stuck in last century!

  48. Colleen July 30, 2013 at 2:57 pm #

    HAHA! You and Paunnet need to have a horrible off (she does the Mia catalogue, which looks really awful, too).

    I really don’t get why the fabric choices are so awful. Is this the secret side of Vogue Sewing? They don’t give them any budget for fabric at all? I don’t know if you’re watching PR this season, but one of the designers does “sustainable” fashion — he doesn’t use an electric sewing machine and last week he got his fabric from the garbage bags at Mood. Is that happening at Vogue????? You would think they could have anything they want to try to get people to buy, right??????

  49. Rochelle New July 30, 2013 at 3:03 pm #

    I immediately thought about you when I saw the frog backpack. SO ridiculous!

  50. Lisa Hughes July 30, 2013 at 3:15 pm #

    Just. So. Wrong.

    Please, Vogue, call Lauren. I can’t take another batch of shitty patterns.

  51. Sarah July 30, 2013 at 4:18 pm #

    8936 Reminds of something you’d see in the Hunger Games. They just need to make it in some outrageous fabric then send it on over to Effie Trinket.

  52. Daniela July 30, 2013 at 4:32 pm #

    I love your post! I really couldn’t stop laughing. I especially liked the vagina coat, haha.

  53. peneloping July 30, 2013 at 4:38 pm #

    HAHA omg I’m dying over here. I just looked up the Princess Kate dress and holy crap the original is gorgeous! HOW did they screw that up so badly?? Yikes!

  54. CharleyGynn July 30, 2013 at 4:54 pm #

    Flash Back to the early 90’s. Frog rucksack however, I am very tempted HAHA!! Love this post

  55. Jo July 30, 2013 at 5:22 pm #

    ROFL as always at your Vogue reviews. Always such amazing stuff going on. I love the frog thing. The look on its face is so “Kill Me”. Hahaha! You’re too funny. Perked up my morning for sure!

  56. Mary jo barclay July 30, 2013 at 5:44 pm #

    You are a riot! Loved your post.

  57. Gillian Larcombe July 30, 2013 at 6:39 pm #

    I know I am showing my age here, but I would bet good money the pattern for the sister wives was lifted straight out of an eighties collection for McCalls. Possibly the shapeless beighe number above it as well.

  58. Lisa McMahan July 30, 2013 at 7:05 pm #

    I so look forward to these posts! 🙂

  59. Luus July 30, 2013 at 7:49 pm #

    Does 23 years of age classify as adult? ‘Cause I really want to have those animal bags, both of them. I walk around town with a neon green ‘monsters inc.’-type furry bag, though. I might not be the right judge of style.
    I wonder why they’d add those bags in. I thought Vogue was for fancy people, which I’m not, so why have stuff I like. It’s mind-boggling.

  60. Kate July 30, 2013 at 8:19 pm #

    Best Vogue review yet!

  61. busylizzieinbrizzy July 30, 2013 at 11:47 pm #

    Too funny – that 8936 looks like a bondage ice skating dress – everyone needs one of those right?

  62. Scruffy badger July 31, 2013 at 1:17 am #

    Still laughing even by the time I got down to the end of all the comments!! Love your commentary and being able to use the vagina word on a sewing blog every six months will become an expectation now you know !

  63. Joanne July 31, 2013 at 3:42 am #

    ‘Vagina coat’….snicker….snicker…

  64. Sandra (Sewist-Stitch) July 31, 2013 at 4:28 am #

    Come on that red dress is a must have – you could make it work with a few tweeks here and there – but who doesn’t do that anyway with a pattern! Otherwise unless you plan on jumping into the Matrix or Where Monsters come from WHAT THE!

  65. ZoSews July 31, 2013 at 4:50 am #

    LOL LOL LOL those bags are too much… and the nest with eggs… gold.

  66. Nat @ Made in Home July 31, 2013 at 5:18 am #

    Omg, the bags, what were they thinking! I don’t know what to say, is it me or is it getting worse? I like the first pants – and that is probably it. Shame they made such a bad job of Kate’s engagement dress because it would have been a hit, especially in the UK. Maybe someone clever will made the right modifications?

  67. angela July 31, 2013 at 7:20 am #

    Love the sister wives comment because I honestly thought the same thing 🙂

    The shiny fabric thing is ridiculous too because I even found two of the patterns that I like once I looked at the drawings, but had I not looked at the drawings I would have never even looked because of the ridiculous shiny fabric nonsense!!!

  68. Bec Stitches July 31, 2013 at 7:45 am #

    Could. Not. Stop. Laughing

  69. Cameron July 31, 2013 at 8:48 am #

    “Sister Wives: The Business Edition”. Oh my god. Too funny. Those sister wives definitely need coordinating owl purses.

    • duck August 2, 2013 at 10:41 am #

      And one of those Sherlock Holmes hats.

  70. Nicki July 31, 2013 at 8:56 am #

    Even my 8yo son said “That is just WEIRD” when he saw those bags. Yep, weird and WRONG! Thanks for the giggle.

  71. Ella July 31, 2013 at 9:22 am #

    Sister wives business edition! WTF vogue.
    I would actually go for an angry owl purse though…

  72. Sarah W. July 31, 2013 at 10:08 am #

    LOL! I think that sister wives outfit looks more like she’s going to hop on a horse sidesaddle and go fox hunting.

  73. blancapate July 31, 2013 at 3:00 pm #

    OMG that Leopard sleeved dress looks like a racerback turned around – just like on Project Runway last week!!! I’m seriously dying over here, Vagina Coat take 2 takes the cake… oh and is it just me or is it look like those animals are being hanged from those trees? AND RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE OWL NEST BABIES?? Have some decency, Vogue…

  74. Annie July 31, 2013 at 7:53 pm #

    OMG this is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh…..

  75. Neeno - Sew Me Love July 31, 2013 at 8:36 pm #

    I have been waiting for this post to go up!!!! Woot Wooo!!
    V1361 – urgh crinkle butt.
    V8922 – what is the model doing with her hand???
    V8936 – such an awful side profile…… vom.
    V8939 – WTF
    V8942 – I’ve alwasy wanted a froggie backpack!!!!! .

  76. redsilvia July 31, 2013 at 10:58 pm #

    The road kill purses actually scared the freak out of me AND I’ve got a valium in me. Dude! The skank must have been primo the week they came up with those samples.

  77. Elise August 1, 2013 at 2:20 pm #

    I love love the purple trousers, and if I’m honest I kinda like the vagina coat…but those bags, omg, I’m killing myself here! The owl is…something special… 😉

  78. Becca August 1, 2013 at 3:55 pm #

    Hilarious review, as usual! Thanks for the giggles. 🙂

  79. DUCK August 2, 2013 at 10:36 am #

    Dying @ 8924. I didn’t even see the random shit from the salvage yard.

    I did get 1362, just because I have to make up that crazy collar. But: I DO NOT UNDERSTAND VOGUE’S FABRIC CHOICES. STOP WITH THE SHINY PLEATHER ALREADY.

  80. Melinda August 2, 2013 at 11:36 am #

    Completing the Vogue Vagina Collection is 8928, the Welcome to My Vagina Business Skirt. It should have been made in shiny pleather!

  81. meredith August 2, 2013 at 3:00 pm #

    GAH. The owl reminds me of a Furby, which I thought was the freakiest toy EVER when I was a kid. I love that they worked harder on the purse backgrounds than anything else in the whole collection. Priorities!

  82. meg August 2, 2013 at 6:25 pm #

    You’re hilarious! Love it!

  83. SewDucky August 3, 2013 at 5:56 pm #

    My 14 year old saw the frog purse and went “What the actual fuck, mom? Did they ask you what stupid thing you didn’t have before making it?”

    Since I have a rubber chicken purse, it’s kind of up my alley. But then I wear orange more then I don’t and decided that camo was meant for a high end couture dress since it pissed my in laws off.

    I am probably not the best judge of appropriate on this pattern.

  84. rachelinred August 7, 2013 at 2:49 pm #

    Vagina Coat! LOL! Why thanks dear.. for never being able to wipe that association from my memory! Now I can never look at those coats like sane people do. 🙂

  85. sewcookgardenrepeat August 10, 2013 at 8:06 am #

    Thanks for the lolz!

  86. Jennie Sue September 1, 2013 at 2:31 pm #

    You put into words everything I was thinking! Can’t they go back to the lovely days of Divine Details like V8677? Or stick to their oh so yummy simple but interesting seam line patterns like V8750 or the skirt in V1324?

  87. Samantha October 10, 2013 at 8:33 am #

    I am dying over here. That pleather peplum looks like it came straight from Kim & Kanye’s closet. Barf.

  88. A City Girl January 22, 2014 at 3:29 pm #

    Hi there. I thought this was hilarious. I bhave never been a fan of vogue patterns. I always thought the stuff they had in their line looked homemade and so shady! Now I do have to disagree on the pocketbooks. I like the owl one. I have a fur vest I brought last year that was basically a waste of money and it would make the perfect fabric to upcycle into this pocketbook. NO ONE WOULD SNATCH IT CAUSE THEY WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT THE HECK IT WAS. LOL. Great blag!!


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