Vogue Patterns 2014 Spring/Summer Collection

6 Jan

The new Vogue collection can actually be summed up in one word: Zzzzzzz….

Forreal, don’t fall asleep while browsing these.

Vogue 8972
Despite how boring this looks in the picture, it’s actually pretty great – lots of customization options for the skirt and sleeves, and it would look really cool with some fabric colorblocking. I definitely plan on picking up a copy for myself. Yay Vogue! U did it!

Vogue 1381
Hm, looks familiar

Voge 8990
Even though it totally looks like a cross between a laptop case and a Bible holder, I gotta give Vogue props for making a handbag pattern that actually looks like something people would carry. Kind of, anyway.

Vogue 1383
Macaron with bonus danglies!

Vogue 8987
Could be useful if you needed a sew a uniform for your boyfriend who works at a country club, I guess.

Vogue 1379
That giant armhole looks like a portal that leads straight to hell.

Vogue 8973
I think this might be cute, but holyeeee shit how unflattering does it look on the model??

Vogue 8974
Seriously, are they putting forth any effort whatsoever?

Vogue 1389
Like, this actually looks cool as shit when you look at the line drawings, but would you ever guess that from just seeing the picture?

Vogue 8969
Apparently they’re not even trying to make the super stylized/unrealistic line drawings even look flattering anymore.

Vogue 8970
I rest my case.

Vogue 1385
Vagina neckline.

Vogue 8981
This is so stupid, it’s actually making me a little angry.

Vogue 8982
I also irrationally hate this; the asymmetrical hem just looks like they fucked something up during the sewing process. Whyyyy.

Vogue 1388
I don’t necessarily hate this jacket, it’s just confusing the shit out of me. Looks like a combination jacket and vest? Help?

Vogue 8984
I… what.

Vogue 8975
That gif about sums up how I feel.

So, what do you think? Anyone else fall asleep yet?


103 Responses to “Vogue Patterns 2014 Spring/Summer Collection”

  1. Seattlerain January 6, 2014 at 8:46 pm #

    ZZZ, typical Vogue. I own a ton of Vogue but can’t bother to buy them nowadays. You won’t hear me raving about them so I’m in total agreement with you, Lauren. I’m scratching my head trying to see how the Big 4 gives me value for my money when I’m constantly having to compensate for their ginormous seam allowances. My time is my money. Rather not have to spend so much time creating Vogue looks that are whack.

    That said, V1389 looks interesting but then I zoomed in on the back look. Vogue can’t even bother to present a nicely pressed skirt. I see why these models look so pissed in these garments.

    I could care less if you get the indie patterns for free. Blog on, Lauren!

  2. Tae January 7, 2014 at 12:43 am #

    I susspect that the difference between 1381 and 1317 iis that you might actually be able to raise your arms in the old Rucci. Seriously, a raglan sleeve with an armscye ending below the model’s boob – unless I’m missing something, ain’t gonna be no high-fives here.

  3. Mary January 7, 2014 at 2:37 am #

    Vogue 8987–the vest? Ah, ah, ah, ah Staying Alive, Staying Alive. (Ha ha,,now you all have it stuck in your heads too!)

  4. ZoSews January 7, 2014 at 3:39 am #

    Yeah total snooze I agree. Vagina neckline – LOL!

  5. hongroadlome January 7, 2014 at 4:18 am #

    I love the bodice on 8969–I love the princess seams on the front and back and the Dior dart is a cool vintage-y detail that you don’t see a lot. Then there’s the skirt that just…I don’t know. It might be OK in real life, but on the drawing it appears to start just below her nipples.

  6. Jeanette January 7, 2014 at 5:28 am #

    You’re so funny. Love your blog x

  7. tialys January 7, 2014 at 5:58 am #

    I actually quite like the first two but that might just be because they are wearable, not necessarily because I want to make them. The man’s pattern styling seems like a good way to get badly beaten up.

  8. Bec January 7, 2014 at 6:36 am #

    No snoozing, too busy laughing! At 1389 in particular, is that head really tiny?? The rest get a big WTF??

  9. hongroadlome January 7, 2014 at 6:42 am #

    I ordered 1387, and I’m hoping the pattern matches the photo and not the line drawing. The photo has cute shoulder pleats; the line drawing has no pleats and no darts.

  10. Neroli January 7, 2014 at 6:58 am #

    I don’t know about you, but my vagina sure doesn’t look like that!

    • LLADYBIRD January 7, 2014 at 8:42 am #

      You’re right, if any of ours did it might warrant a trip to the doctor! Haha!

  11. Cindy January 7, 2014 at 9:52 am #

    “I..what.” Funniest thing I’ve read in a like 3 years.

  12. Anonymous January 7, 2014 at 10:30 am #

    I actually liked quite a few of the designs, and I’m not ‘over 40’ yet LOL. I may not wear some of them but I love to see how my favorite bloggers will interpret the patterns. Anyhow, always love reading different reviews of the pattern releases. You made my day with the ‘vagina’ comment, hahaha. I always enjoy your posts even though we may have different styles. 😉

    • Levone January 7, 2014 at 10:32 am #

      Oops not sure why I’m anonymous…

  13. Gillian January 7, 2014 at 10:45 am #

    Poor 1389….click through to the line drawings and the pencil skirt is awesome! But on her…in that fabric…all together. Do they not look at the pictures before posting them?

  14. Almond Rock January 7, 2014 at 11:00 am #

    Puke inducing

  15. Anna Neah Deutgen January 7, 2014 at 12:00 pm #

    I love these posts from you. They crack me up every time. Vagina neckline had me laughing out loud. You are so funny!

  16. Kim January 7, 2014 at 12:24 pm #

    ermehgerrrd, I’m laughing so hard right now with your “That giant armhole looks like a portal that leads straight to hell.” and “I… what.” Seriously, I needed this this morning. Also, I think you’re absolutely right…they’re doing the honey badger here. SERIOUSLY.

  17. sewbecause January 7, 2014 at 3:20 pm #

    You are so right, these are not my favorite and surely not anything new. Vogue, live up to your name please!

  18. sewforward January 7, 2014 at 4:30 pm #

    I just finished reading the post and all the comments. Loved the commentary about the Vogue patterns, the comments (good & bad) and – of course! the vagina neckline, which sort of makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and I am not sure why ;-P Keep up the great posts.

  19. ShanniLoves January 7, 2014 at 6:57 pm #

    zzz…zzzz…vagina neckline?! bahaha…zzzz…zzz..zzz….

  20. Christine January 7, 2014 at 9:49 pm #

    I feel like I just thumbed through my mother’s collection of 1980 patterns. WTF?!

  21. Lisa A January 8, 2014 at 9:04 am #

    Clearly they caught on to your pattern snark and wanted to leave you speechless.

  22. clareyszabo January 9, 2014 at 3:42 am #

    Dude this post made me laugh out loud. A big old fat LOL! So funny. Omg these are hideous… I have no idea what the target market is here! The guy in the waistcoat thing? Who would wear that? Where are these people who look at these patterns and say YES! That is me! Come forward and show yo’selves. Love your Vogue reviews. xx

  23. thestreak@gmail.com January 9, 2014 at 9:17 am #

    That waistcoat made me laugh so much. I might threaten to make one for Dr P and see if I can get his best “bitch PLEASE” face out of him. I love the model’s facial expression too, he’s properly taking it seriously blue steel style. Love it. Love your reviews. Think you’re brilliant.

  24. symondezyn January 9, 2014 at 11:16 am #

    As an illustrator, I actually sympathize with the artists that had to do the line drawings for these… how do you make blah 80’s reruns look good? I’d find that rather uninspiring as well LOL

  25. Julie D. January 9, 2014 at 8:28 pm #

    I think v8974 is super cute! I’d use different fabric, but I’m a sucker for criss crossing straps!

  26. Jennie January 10, 2014 at 5:25 am #

    I love your posts on new pattern collections, they crack me up 😀

  27. marisolsen99 January 10, 2014 at 9:56 pm #

    Your post is so much more entertaining than Vogue’s patterns. Total snooze-material!

  28. Pippi Southall January 11, 2014 at 5:09 am #

    hahaha your comments are hilarious! I stay away from Vogue because their patterns just bore the fuck out of me too.

  29. Josie January 17, 2014 at 4:58 am #

    How could I fall asleep with your commentary??? 😛
    I absolutely agree that the latest lookbook is boring as batshit!

  30. Peta Smith January 18, 2014 at 6:34 pm #

    I was looking for SERIOUS reviews of specific new Vogues – didn’t expect this diatribe peppered with swearing. What is it with trying to outdo each other in nastiness? No, I certainly won’t be coming here again – I’m looking for informed comment, not girls trying to see who can be the ‘baddest’ ! Grow up !! (Do you dare to print this….)

    • LLADYBIRD January 18, 2014 at 7:35 pm #

      I’m sorry that you found this review offense, but I’m not going to apologize for calling out the horrible styling on these pattern envelopes. That’s not being nasty- that’s having a damn opinion. Furthermore, I’d like to think that you could have figured out the content was not an “informative review” based on the first couple of sentences in this post, but then again, reading comprehension clearly isn’t your strong point.

      • Peta Smith January 18, 2014 at 8:26 pm #

        Your last sentence proves my point – bitchiness is your currency. I’ll leave you to your immature ramblings to your immature followers. “Bye!”

        • Cate January 19, 2014 at 2:30 am #

          And she calls us immature??? Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

        • LLADYBIRD January 19, 2014 at 10:38 am #

          Look, you can’t waltz in here and drop a bitchy comment and not expect a bitchy response.

          Anyway, I guess you changed your mind about not returning. Yay! Welcome back 🙂

  31. lorrwill2014 July 19, 2014 at 12:08 am #

    Another blogger (that I sort of used to like but no more), wrote this glowing, drooling sewist-in-heat shill post about how great these patterns look.

    My work for all of this: craptastic.

    I looked through the entire offering of new patterns and of the ones that I didn’t skip righjt on by after my eyes stopped rolling, I was struck by two overarching themes:

    Way too many seams and futzy odd bits to be realistic (look like weird-assed costumes to me)
    And way too much volume. Hell even the models looked frumpy.

    The six-foot stick figures looked swathed in giant diapers frumpy.

    All that said, I do like 8982. It will swim quite nicely upstream against the tide of business blazers my sad life visits on me Monday through Friday.

    • lorrwill2014 July 19, 2014 at 12:08 am #

      “word”, not “work”.

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