New Vogue patterns are out! This season, they were kind enough to give us a nice mixture of awesome and wtf.
Vogue 1587 / Nicola Finetti
I’m just gonna go out and say it – this is one of the ugliest dresses I’ve ever seen. Those ~statement sleeves~ combined with the cold shoulder look + strappy top just give the effect of droopy boobs trying to pretend like they don’t know each other. Oh, and don’t forget the unintentional culottes thanks to that weird curved hem. Seriously, who is wearing this shit? This designer has tons of cute stuff, but somehow manages to only license the ugliest shit for Vogue patterns. Whyyyy.
Vogue 1589 / Guy Laroche
Despite the waterfall boob, I was gonna let this one slide. Then I saw the COMPLETELY OPEN BACK. Again- who is wearing this shit? How does the back stay in place? Do you get sideboob if you’re not careful? Does bending a certain way risk buttcrack? Asking the important questions here.
Vogue 1577 / Guy Laroche
Who wore it better?
Vogue 1591 / Rebecca Vallance
Ok, I actually like this. It’s not my style (not into the jumpsuit or the open back jam), but it’s super cute and I think this is one of the best versions of this sort of look I’ve seen yet. It’s pretty trendy but it’s still quite wearable, and the model looks great.
Vogue 9318
Want to take your “secret pajama” dressing to the next level? Cut out the middleman and just wear a pillowcase!
Vogue 9319
Fuck me, I am actually super into this. This is absolutely nothing practical about this look whatsoever but I would wear the shit out of it.
Vogue 1585 / Rachel Comey
Vogue 1585: The Dress With the Built-In Fart Catcher
Vogue 1583
I initially thought this top had a hoodie, and I was 100% digging it, but now I see it’s just a sad excuse for a sailor collar and I don’t know what to trust anymore.
Vogue 9317 / Marcy Tilton
When your shirt doesn’t fit right and you’d rather try to hack some afterthought darts than re-fit the entire thing.
Vogue 9314 / Kathryn Brenne
Is this… an updated Walkaway Dress?? How did it manage to look worse?
Vogue 9315
Not all heroes wear capes, but these bitches ain’t letting that stop them.
Vogue 9316
Hello, I am your present.
Vogue 9323 / Elizabeth Gillett
Mostly just including this so we can discuss THAT SWIMSUIT. I am disappointed that it’s not included in the pattern (although I do like the cover-up options!), because I’m curious to know what kind of interior structure is included to give the model that amazing cleavage. Seriously, she’s basically got a butt under her chin. Incredible.
Vogue 9306
Let me tell you exactly what this reminds me of:
What did you love (or hate!) about this collection? Are you just here to complain about my swearing (spoiler: save yourself the effort, I don’t careeeeeee)? How do you feel about 9320? My opinions on this one are mixed, and I can’t tell if I just like it because of the fabric choices they used.
LLADYBIRD 
This is one sad-ass collection. You nailed it.
What she said. I love the commentary though … including the swearing & the deep questions about body exposure. 🙂
Your level of sass in this post is well-deserved. And that Nicola Finetti is DRESS??? The center curves not only come right up to her crotch but direct the viewers eye right to it. The poor girl can neither stand nor bend over lest she put all her bits on display. And the 9306, I honestly thought was some poorly designed maternity cardigan for the pregnant chick that just stopped caring about her looks. Yikes.
You and I saw the same thing.
I thought it was maternity too
I became her last fall. It’s not fun.
I offered up my hot takes on this mess last week: https://ciaraxyerra.com/2018/04/06/vogue-patterns-summer-2018/
I was really scared that you were going put the Nicola Finetti atrocity in the “awesome” category as I started to read this. Whew. That’s seriously fugly, as is everything else in this collection.
Thank you for making me laugh! Your comparison between 9306 and Squidward was spot on!!
You are hilariously right about all of them. The one that has me baffled is 9314 the wrap dress, I collect patterns and I have several versions of this wrap dress from several decades.
It’s the pattern that will never die!!!
The only thing I like in this collection is 1583, but I thought the top had a hood too, so that’s disappointing. I love the shorts, but if I dig hard enough in my pattern collection I can probably find something similar.
I took another look at 1585 it seems to have built in shopping/shoplifter bags on the sides.
They’re all just bad. Except the jumpsuit/romper. I’m certain there are wonderful designers out there…. Just not in this particular collection. Thanks for the morning comedy. 🙂 Catherine
all i can say is Thank You! i really needed a laugh today…you rock! sank-oo so much! 🙂
OMG! Thank you for my Thursday laugh! That was hilarious!!
I want to know why the blonde model looks lost/confused in both pictures. Did she wander onto the shoot and they just grabbed her and forced her to wear some odd Vogue shit?
The horror! I never buy Vogue patterns, but after reading your reviews I wonder how can they still be a company…
Summer offerings are just throwaway- Vogue is ALL about the autumn/winter looks
why? The only things I look forward to from Vogue patterns anymore are your reviews.
great review and spot on comments, I had similar thoughts when I looked at them. I love Vogue patterns but some releases are just ???. Although I plan to buy V1584 the Tracy Reese dress which looks interesting without weirdness.
I want statement sleeves to go away. Perhaps with fire.
Amen about statement sleeves. They are everywhere in RTW as well. Who can wear these? Only fashion models . . .
lol I hate statement sleeves sooo much. To each their own, but it just ain’t my look!
My too, I don’t believe I’ve ever seen statement sleeve flatter anyone.
All of these are hideous. I think you could rock the one you said you liked, but you are young, I am not. Vogue has some lovely patterns, but none of these qualify. I know they are trying to come up with original designs, but these look like something I could design, and that is not a complement.
V9315 would be a good base if you were trying to cosplay Anne Baxter in The Ten Commandments (I am saying this as a good thing about it).
Unimpressed. Generally, if a garment is going to be difficult to wear, need special foundation garments, you expect it to look glamorous. Backless or naked shoulders doesn’t lift a boring design to that level, just makes it impractical.
This makes sense and I totally agree with you! Going bra-less is probably what they have in mind, but I know soooo few women who are willing to do just that.
I love this. The swimsuit you like is view B of this one https://voguepatterns.mccall.com/v9192.
Yes! I came here to say this too 🙂
Pfft it looks better with the butt boob, boo! haha!
The instructions for the bathing suit V9192 are rubbish, but if you’ve made and lined a suit before (or get a tutorial on the web), the pattern is fine. And yes, that little two strap detail is MAGIC!
Thanks for a great laugh and I agree with you on most of these. I was totally amazed at “the love” this pattern collection received on social media. It was a total WTF moment for me too! It’s fine if I skip purchasing any of these patterns, cause I have a whole bunch sitting at home waiting to be used…
However, am I the only one that’s felt that way about all of the offerings from The McCalls Pattern Company this season? Very little to like or buy!
No you are not.
OMG! I couldn’t agree with you more! The only one I kinda like is the jumpsuit and that’s it. You won’t see me looking for Vogue pattern sales this season!
Your Vogue reviews (I’m not sure that’s the right word…) are one of my favourite things about the internet so, when I saw you’d written a new one, I got myself a nice cup of tea so I could enjoy it to the max. When I got to “Not all heroes wear capes, but these bitches ain’t letting that stop them.” I accidentally spat the tea everywhere. My kids wanted to know what was so funny but I can’t tell them because they’ll repeat it in school tomorrow and I don’t want to take that phone call. Thank you. Please never stop writing things I can’t repeat to my kids about Vogue collections!
I am soooo relieved that someone else shared my opinions and put a voice to my feelings about this collection. 6320? Well, I am not much of a ruffle kinda gal…the look feels “unbalanced” – but so does the whole collection. Will cold shoulder never end?
Thanks for these laughs. My personal enemy is 1585 (the Rachel Comey)–I do not understand.
That is the best laugh I have had in a while. Thanks!
This was the best collection commentary ever. Thanks for the laughs.
I LOVE your snark!!! It makes me laugh and laugh.!
Thanks once again for a good laugh. I needed it today. Attended a good but very sad funeral for a close friend (when the grandchildren give their memories it’s hard). I also think that Vogue 9319 is a keeper. Made a similar top years ago and have been searching for years for that pattern. This is in my basket from Vogue. Love your humor!
I’m so sorry for your loss, but I am happy to hear that I gave you a little bit of joy after a sad event ❤
At least you get new patterns to cruse and/or bitch at. I’ve to deal with the fact that everyday clothing for men started to end when I started sewing 30 years ago. This has slowly made me a better pattern maker.
God, I think about this way too frequently. Anytime I get a hankering to sew for a man – or, more frequently, have a man who is interested in taking one of my classes – I am reminded of how small the pattern pool is for y’all. It sucks and I can’t even imagine how frustrating it is. That’s awesome that you are a better patternmaker, but also shitty that you had to resort to that because the market wasn’t fulfilling your needs.
How can Vogue patterns publish this crap? It’s like a bad project from an untalented first year design student. Experimental but in a bad way. I have no idea who even sews this stuff. Marcy Stilton and those other designers should be ashamed of that stuff! As if! Actually, they are probably laughing about being paid to ‘design’ that. It’s Vogue who should be ashamed of themselves!
I…have a confession about that Rachel Comey pattern.
I REALLY want to make it. I know it’s WTF, I know it won’t work at all on my body, and yet I need to see how it comes together. I keep looking at it and going “I know that’s WTF, don’t do it,” and yet. It’s just the most bizarre thing. I MUST KNOW!
Ruffles and cold shoulders and poofy sleeves do nothing for me. I liked the two Tracy Reese dresses, though.
I don’t think that’s a bad thing! I am interested to see how it comes together too, because from a design perspective it’s a fascinating garment. It just happens to be ugly, too 🙂
I was OBSESSED with the Rachel Comey popcorn dress when she released it in RTW. The fabric they chose for the sample though is beyond unfortunate and why did they photograph it like that?!
I live for these posts. I will buy exactly zero of the patterns.
Many (if not most) swimsuit photoshoots involve models wearing pushup bras under the suits, and then they photoshop the bras out.
I don’t know why I didn’t think of this! Makes sense, though!
Duck tape was my guess. I know if I have to have that kind of cleavage, I pull out the industrial kind. Just sayin’.
This is the laugh I needed today. I look forward to your commentary more than the pattern launch.
I do like 1589. It reminds me of a Schraffts waitress dress (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schrafft's_(restaurant_chain), but I’m not going to bother with the fit adjustments on that one.
If you want to know what’s holding the bathing suit boobs up, as her plastic surgeon.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
You crack me up with these posts
You are so spot on with these! 9317 looks like it was a game where everyone had to be blindfolded and make a shirt. I don’t come close to understanding it. I think cutting the pattern and sewing it together would be like a really hard jigsaw puzzle.
You know, I rather love the yellow Guy Laroche. Almost thirty years ago, I made an all-time favourite backless dress that was also a Vogue pattern. There might have been a little bit of side boob, but the weight of the skirt largely held the thing in place. I’m a little bit too old for that now, but the memories are good.
There aren’t any patterns for me here, but I just got back from Italy and I could easily see a young woman wearing the first dress in super hot weather, sipping a drink at a night spot and then jumping on her moto with a friend. Seriously.
I don’t know….I kind of like it when designers mess around. The classics are the classics for a reason and pretty much all you will find me in, but why not change it up. I was going to say that the Marcy Tilton pattern is the worst of the bunch with those inexplicable asymmetric tucks, but the long-sleeved white version of the pattern shown would suit someone.
With you on the liking-it-when-designers-mess-around thing. it’s why I get really excited over Vogue (vs. McCall’s or Butterick or the others). even if it doesn’t work, at least it’s interesting.
I’m also kind of intrigued by the Marcy Tilton pattern.
You know what, I actually agree with you here. I like to see the interesting things that designers come up with. I also like to poke fun at them because, well, it’s fun 🙂 I think my biggest issue with these designs + Vogue is how they are presented on the pattern envelope. TBH they should take a nod from the designer and photograph it either on the runway, or in a cool set location (like sipping a drink at a night spot in Italy!). I think that would make a HUGE difference in presenting the garment as high fashion and interesting, rather than “where the fuck do people wear this shit lol.” The vintage Vogue designer patterns did a good job of this.
Then again, I don’t work for Vogue but it sounds like they have nooooo problem selling patterns so apparently their business model as-is works just fine 🙂
That’s a good idea! I agree that the photo shoots render the designs less interesting than they are.
Hahah tell it like it is!
I adore your reviews. Thank you! My week needed this level of sass. Also, maybe the capes are really for 50’s comic con?
The boobs in the swimsuit are fake, fake, fake. No swimsuit support necessary!
My first thought as well!
ah, if the years would only let me still wear 9319…. And speaking of patterns, did you see this? https://blog.artfido.com/wiki-has-released-over-83500-vintage-sewing-patterns-online-for-download/ Wonder how long it would take to pore over these! 🙂
You can’t actually download anything – they’re just scans of the pattern envleopes……
Your commentary on these patterns sustains me.
That is all.
I love your pattern reviews!! Best. Hello I am your present!!
I can’t stop laughing at the fart catcher (crying here)…. and the bathing suit is an old pattern V9192.
Yesss! I was literally going to write and tell you you had to do a Vogue roundup this time…but you didn’t let me down and did it already. That first one! WTAF IS THAT??? And I definitely need a built-in fart catcher. 😂😂😂
I actually do have V1583 on my list 🙂 I like Sandra’s pants block (she uses a Burda style pant block which always fit me SO well!) and the top would be nice in a drapey silk (sort of reminds me of Elizabeth Suzann) but the rest is definitely not my style. I would have no where to wear any of it nor would I choose to if I did 🙂 I laughed as usual all the way through your critique. Speaking of “super hero”, I kept seeing those old Batman comics with “BAM”, “SMACK” and “OUCH” highlighting the action 🙂
Your reviews make me laugh so much! The Nicola Finetti dress is hysterical, but I was so disappointed with V1583, a hood on that would have made it a super-cool pattern that I would have actually bought. I love v9319, but sadly I don’t think I could get away with that one these days. And the built-in fart catcher….so much fabric on the hips, how would that be flattering on anybody?
I do think a comment or two on the only men’s pattern in the collection would have been nice too. It is so sad to think that men are only catered for with this lone, sad pair of shorts (V9324). Not only that, I showed it to my other half and he couldn’t stop laughing at it – the shorts are so tight, the guy has discomfort written all over his face. And who would think to pair them with a smart long-sleeved shirt?
oh my word this has me rolling on the floor. THANK YOU.
I have to defend the backless Guy Laroche, 1589; that back is almost identical to the back of my wedding dress!
Hilarious, you just made my day!
Hilarious!!!
I think they’re all pretty awful and I certainly won’t be making any of them but you did make me laugh!!!!
The Kathryn Breanne dress reminds me of the Named Kielo dress but less flattering? I love the capes in 9315! Your description of “fart bags” makes me think of Rococo pet en l’air jackets, which translate to “fart in the wind” 😂
9316 reminds me of the dress that was made for Miranda Priestly in Devil Wear’s Prada, the one with the giant ass bow in the front. Pursed lips ensued.
I noticed V1588 is basically the same design as 1545. Same designer. I was like, I’ve seen that pattern before, I have that pattern. Took me awhile to spot the differences.
Thank God you said this! All the open backs are killing me. Just no!
🤣 this collection is probably the worst I’ve seen. Waterfall boob? Fart catcher? Priceless!
And the interior structure holding that model’s boobs is likely silicone i think.
I love your swearing
C’mon where is the prim and proper commenter that takes you to task for swearing. I live for that back and forth. Y’know where they say something like ‘nice girls don’t swear’ and you say ‘go fuck yourself’. I mean the patterns and your commentary were entertaining but it’s the comments section that normally makes me properly laugh out loud. Cheers!
And this is why I am yet to sew Big 4 patterns (in addition to the bad instructions). I do actually think the cape type top could look cool sewn up by the right person and with good styling. That won’t be me though. Back to my Indie patterns I go…
Dude.
I went to the site to see all of the patterns and upon a second CLOSE UP look at that Guy Laroche V1577 I was shocked. I thought that dress had black fabric with beige dotty things on it and that black solid Felicity apron center part, but NO. That isn’t beige dots… that is the model’s SKIN peeking out! If you zoom in you can see the side of her undies and her nude bra. This is some Kylie Jenner shit….. **insert shocked face emoji here**
I’ve since Instagram rumours that some folks are into that Rachel Comey fart catcher. I seriously think these are vile. Gah cold shoulders begone!!!
I rarely comment but fekt the need to put your mind at rest. The girl in the swimsuit? They’re what we un plastic surgery circles call ‘aftermarkets’, probs round not tear drop and people ssibly about 300g depending on her height and build.
Can I just say I pretty much agree with EVERYTHING you wrote? Despite our vast age difference, you are my new best friend!
You are one very funny gal, I always laugh out loud when I read your vogue reviews : D
Yep all pretty bad and Vogue 1591 / Rebecca Vallance guess you have to wait to get home to go to the bathroom or bring your friend to the ladies room so she can tie that back together….
Sewing patterns with random open backs like that dress will forever remind me of that SNL skit with The Rock 🤣😂 and in case you haven’t seen it… https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9akmVTS5Huc
I love these round-ups every single time you do them, but rarely comment. I had to click through to say that 9317 is such a fucking mess it’s absolutely shocking. Who in their right minds would let that go? It’s not asymmetrical whimsy, it’s “I sewed this with my eyes closed and one handed.” Just wow.
You have to admit Vogue 9317 is the perfect beginner top pattern, since it looks exactly like what happens when you’re learning to sew and you have a bunch of fabric bunched up under your seam that you sew through by accident.
That yellow Guy Laroche – you’re free-boobing it because of the back, and then the front frill that was covering your nipples got caught on your bracelet or something and ripped *almost* completely off. Bad day.
I generally dislike swearing but it is entirely appropriate for this review ! what a f’ugly, impractical collection !
Love those roundups !
Thank you again! Your reviews always make me laugh! I love them!
Argh that V1577 hurts my head because all I can see now is th fact that the top of the insert doesn’t line up across the button band. >.<
Just started 9314. Page two of the instructions is pattern 9310…..😬😬😬. What do I do now?
Once again, you are spot on. I agree with almost everything you said about theses looks. I was particularly confused about Vogue 9317. It’s an absolute mess. I would never wear such a thing – not even at home, alone, cleaning my bathroom. It looks like the kind of thing your 8-year-old makes, and you struggle to say something nice or encouraging about it.
I also agree about 9319. I wish I was still young enough, or thin enough, or at least bold enough to wear it. I love it.
When is Vogue going to get their shit together again? I am DONE with “cold shoulders” and other “statement sleeves” that are nothing but a big old mess.
I am trying to make v 1591 and the yoke instructions are terrible. I can’t figure it out.
I know this is old and I don’t know if you figured it out or not, but the instructions have the yoke appear upside down — it’s actually the long, curved part of the yoke that attaches to the trousers. Spent half an hour this morning scratching my head this morning thinking the same thing!