ooh you guys, vogue just released their winter sewing patterns! in fact, it’s been almost exactly a year since i last shit all over them. happy anniversary to me! let’s celebrate with a snarky shit-talking post, shall we?
i’ll start off with the 3 that i like.
vogue 1271, kay unger
gorgeous dress, although the fabric choice is pretty tragic. can you imagine this in a lush black with a jewel-toned belt? i die.
vogue 1265, pamella roland
i hated this one the first time i saw it – i thought it was some kind of awkward dressy romper/suit hybrid. EW. actually, it’s just a dress – that is a slit in the front, although i have no idea why they put it there since it obviously doesn’t need it once you see the back:
again: i die. twice.
vogue 8766
ok, this one isn’t really that special, i think i just like the lacy lace. pretty sure i have a dozen patterns exactly like this, but with different cover art. still – me likey!
vogue 1273, badgley mischka
i like this ok – it has some neat detailing – but, again, tragic fabric choice. what’s with all the shiny polyester satin, vogue?
vogue 1267, tom & linda platt
i like the detail seaming, but for the most part, this dress is pretty meh.
vogue 1272, bellville sassoon
i know we are still in the middle of an 80s revival, but this is just uncalled for.
vogue 1269, chado ralph rucci
i want to like this, i really do, but the flounce overload is giving me hives.
vogue 8768, vintage vogue
actually, this one isn’t so bad aside from the WTF STYLING. this mess doesn’t fit the model AT ALL, especially that unflattering hemline. she looks horribly awkward & uncomfortable. i don’t blame her.
vogue 8769
well, that’s practical.
vogue 8780
what is this i don’t even.
vogue 1279, pamella roland
not a bad suit by any means, but why did they decide to make it up in 3D hologram fabric? excuse me wtf r u doin.
vogue 8776
actually, this one just made me laugh for about 5 minutes straight. thanks for the mood-lifter, vogue!
vogue 8783, marcy tilton
i love that this purse is ~designer~, if by designer you mean totes appropes for hauling around in the minivan on the way to the soccer fields. i’m side-eyeing that woman’s hair so hard right now, willing it to morph into this. and oh, look, she’s wearing 8780! in green fleece!
vogue 1276
this is actually a sleeveless vest, thoughtfully covered in hairballs.
vogue 1268, guy laroche
looks like a cheap pocahontas halloween costume.
vogue 1277, koos van den akker
you can defend koos van den akker all you want, but every single one of his designs is ugly as shit, as far as i’m concerned.
LLADYBIRD 
omg i’m so glad i started following your blog. i really needed this snarky goodness in my day ^_^
This could become a comedy routine…just say the 4 digit pattern numbers sequentially, with well-timed pauses, and you’ll have everyone laughing hysterically
I totally agree. Love V1265. That dress makes me want to drop everything else on my plate right now and call in sick to work until I’ve sewn it up!
i like your way of thinking!
Hehehe, I am so with you on Koos van den Akker!
Haha, this post made me laugh so much, I love the way you aren’t afraid to say what I’m sure everyone is thinking. I totally agree with your comments, what a horror show.
Oh My Goodness! What were they thinking. V8776 is very odd. I kept trying to see it different angles to make it work, but it is the most awkward cape/coat/ewok costume I’ve ever seen. Really Vogue? I expect better better from them, what with the name Vogue and all.
Thank you for making me laugh–I needed that! 😉
I already joke I have T-Rex arms (arms that are kind of on the short side–I have to really reach for things up high! ;), so I think the cape is just what I need to increase my T-Rex arm awesomeness! rofl. Can you imagine trying to do anything that requires any range of motion wearing that? rofl.
Seriously though: what is it with their fabric choices?! Oh, and the line/envelope drawing for the red Vintage Vogue pattern is really lovely, but the model/fabric do nothing. I think someone at Vogue got stuck on The Shiny Allure this season… 😉
What is going on with V1272??? Seriously, I don’t understand! I guess if I’m ever sucked into an alternate reality where I’m a mean cheerleader going to prom in 1985, then I’ll know exactly what to wear, but for reals– what is this sh*t?!?!
I like 8776~ I was planning on being a Tweed penguin for Halloween this year…..
Actually spit out my Pepsi a little whilst reading this. Your observations were spot on – barf to most of those patterns!
lmao. Love this. Who the hell is styling these tragedies?!
HAHAHA! Yeah, eat shit, Vogue!
Your comments are hilarious.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m pretty sure that I need a fancy spacelady hologram power suit ASAP.
i’m new to your blog and i love your honesty. made me laugh so hard. vogue 1272 yeah… WTF!!
I agree, but would like to add that I just looked at the Fall Vogue knitting patterns and love them. At least 1/2 of them are worth doing. (I don’t mean that sarcastically, 1/2 really is a lot).
Vogue knitting has a website 360 feature that is a video with sound that shows you the sweater on the model, with the model moving and turning around – wouldn’t that be awesome for the sewing patterns?
Thirdly, Vogue sewing magazine is the lamest of all sewing magazines. I particularly like the “free pattern offer” on the cover, but when you look inside it’s actually buy 1 get 1 free. Sorry Vogue, BOGO is not the same as free!
Actually, Vogue Knitting is published and owned by Soho Publishing. Vogue Patterns have nothing to do with the knitting magazine whatsoever. McCalls acquired Vogue and Butterick Patterns around 10 years ago. Alas.
Vogue Knitting is another company altogether…it has nothing to do with Vogue Patterns, which is owned by McCall Pattern Co.
This is the best laugh ever! I received the email, “our new winter patterns are in” I about had a heart attack! First thought was, I felt bad for all of the models, Second thought which stock market do I invest in for materials? Third that last one, It reminds me of the bag lady who has melded together 30 different clothes to get a jacket for winter….I am still laughing!
I love this post. Your attitude is fun and refreshing. I’m not offend by the bad language, but I think you could be snarky without it. I speak from some experience. I use such language sometimes to shock other and sometimes I just forget.
BTW I really loved you comment about the Danish-named designer. I don’t like any of his designs.
Oh my goodness!!!! koos van den akker is absolutely puke-inducing!! Every single link! I mean what’s up with the fabrics$?%&$?* Were they print/shape/color-blind??
Thanks!
I think my favorite one was the Pocahontas dress. I remember seeing that in an e-mail they sent me, I laughed out loud. SO UGLY! I have been really curious to how Vogue sells any patterns when they are all this ugly!
LOL!!!! Ditto on all the patterns listed. I used to love Vogue, and still do actually love some of them. But what is with these new choices…design and fabric both. In addition, I find lots of errors in the instructions and some omissions on the patterns themselves, like “sew to dot” and there is no dot!! One might as well just buy Marfy patterns and guess the yardage and instructions.
Very funny post.
i totally agree with you – the drafting & instructions (or lack thereof) are absolutely appalling. i also find a lot of typos – like, spelling errors & stuff – in the type. ridiculous.
i actually want to try a marfy pattern at some point, the only thing holding me off is the price. maybe this can be a 2012 goal 🙂
All your comments about the strange styling (from the awkward poses in the windows, to the Vintage Vogue models forced to pose like Madame Toussaud wax-like mannequins, to the odd models leaning to the side, with limply dangling arms) and odd fabrics, and the very bizarre pattern choices, and the lack of professional styling—are more spot on than you realize.
The new Publisher in charge of creative direction, is responsible for all of it.
I would like to hear more about this, you’ve piqued my interest!
Brilliant post – I’m totally with you on all your hits!!! I raise my glass to your observations …
Hahah, omg, thank you! I just cruised their site again and GROSS! I don’t know what is going on in the Vogue headquarters, but yeesh.
Just found your blog…really spot on!
Thing is…its really simple to discern Vogue’s thinking with all of these. It has always been the goal of most home sewers to have their creations look store bought…so Vogue is putting out there the same polygoop garbage that can be bought in all low price retailers and overpriced mall store.
What I don’t understand is why anyone would want to waste thrir time making tje same ugly junk…though I must admit my local Joanns only stocks mountains of overpriced polyester crap so there isn’t much opportunity to sew with anything else.
I no longer feel guilty about my “stash”. Even my “cheap” stuff is higher quality than what’s out there now.