I consider Vogue pattern releases something of a holiday. In the past, it was a day filled with awe & delight, mental math & frantic list-making. In the present, it’s a day filled with lols and eyebrow raises. I can’t decide which one I like better, personally.
I’ll start with the patterns I actually like – yes, there are a few!
Vogue 1302
This looks pretty straightforward on the front, it’s the back that makes me swoon.
Bias-cut runching? SWOON.
Here’s the line drawing if you are having trouble tearing your eyes away from that lovely fabric.
Vogue 1303
Also loving this one, although it’s a little hard to see in the detail in that busy print.
Vogue 8807
Actually, I can’t tell if I like this pattern or if I’m just freaking out over the fabric. I think it’s just the fabric.
Vintage Vogue 8812
PERFECT little sunndress!
And the back! THE BACK.
Vogue 8814
All that bias & floaty makes this look like it would be really interesting to sew, and really fun to wear.
Note: There actually is a non-line drawing of this dress (aka with a live model) but the view they chose is totally hiddy so we’re just gonna stick with the line drawing.
Vogue 8804
I think it’s really awesome that Vogue has a classic Chanel jacket pattern *and* it’s a Claire Shaeffer pattern so it includes all the couture instructions that really(er, literally) make the jacket. I know this style of jacket isn’t for everyone – I personally wouldn’t wear it – but if I had the money to throw down, I would absolutely make one just for the experience.
Although, that styling is pretty lol.
… And that’ll do it for the pretty today.
Let’s get shit-talking!
Vogue 1301
This starts out kind of ok. A little overload with the patterns there, but there’s something sweet & hippie-esque about it that doesn’t bother me too much.
Until she puts on the matching… well, I think that’s a coat, anyway.
lolwut.
Vogue 1304
I know some people will disagree with me on this one (and I’m prepared to argue with you – I LOVE BICKERING), but this dress looks seriously uncomfortable and not at all flattering. There are way too many design elements going on here and the pleated bubble hem at the bottom looks like an afterthought.
Look at how she’s standing just to keep the back up. I’m really curious to see what a hot mess this translates to in the real world, to be honest.
Vogue 1305
It looks pretty dramatic/stunning in the pictures, until you realize what a silly dress this actually is. There is WAY too much going on here, with the assymetrical everything & all that runching. There’s also a giant slit in the back that goes all the way down to the model’s buttcrack. No, I’m not posting a picture. I don’t want that trash in my Flickr, thnx.
Vogue 1306
No, this one isn’t terrible – although I think twisted (and braided, for that matter) straps look really Becky Homecky – I just think the picture is hilarious. Classic Derp face.
Vogue 8806
Wow, those are ugly shoes.
Vogue 8809
That hem looks like she ran out of fabric to get a proper length, but tried to overcompensate when it came to butt coverage.
Vogue 8818
This is actually kind of pretty, but I’m including it anyway because it’s basically a gathered elastic waistband (or drawstring) skirt. I think it should be noted that Vogue patterns run on the expensive incline (and this one in particular is $22.50), so it baffles me that someone would buy a $20+ pattern for something they would essentially make as their very first sewing project in Home Ec.
Vogue 8821
Vogue is really loving the mullet-hems this season.
Vogue 8817
ANOTHER MULLET-HEM
Vogue 8813
Tragedy.
Vogue 1297
Here is a good example of nice fabric hiding a pattern fail.
It would appear that the pockets are actually extensions of the skirt that are pulled up with a drawstring. Just… why?
Oh, and let’s not forget the ugly purse patterns:
Vogue 1311
Koos van den Akker, you can’t fool me. Weird pattern clashing on a purse IS STILL UGLY.
Vogue 8823
On the plus side, if you carried this purse, there would be absolutely no question as to whether or not you made it.
But wait! I saved the best for last.
Vogue 1307
Oh boy. When this picture came up, I swear I thought Santa had sent me an early Christmas present. The shiny neon green animal print! The pleats! It’s like Hammer Pants for dummies!
I’m sorry, but the safest pair of Hammer Pants is no Hammer Pants at all.
Congratulations, Vogue 1307. You are officially the ugliest pattern in the bunch.
Want more Vouge Shit Talk? Check out Part 1 and Part 2
Tags: are you serious with this shit, patterns, vogue
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