The new Vogue collection can actually be summed up in one word: Zzzzzzz….
Forreal, don’t fall asleep while browsing these.
Vogue 8972
Despite how boring this looks in the picture, it’s actually pretty great – lots of customization options for the skirt and sleeves, and it would look really cool with some fabric colorblocking. I definitely plan on picking up a copy for myself. Yay Vogue! U did it!
Vogue 1381
Hm, looks familiar…
Voge 8990
Even though it totally looks like a cross between a laptop case and a Bible holder, I gotta give Vogue props for making a handbag pattern that actually looks like something people would carry. Kind of, anyway.
Vogue 1383
Macaron with bonus danglies!
Vogue 8987
Could be useful if you needed a sew a uniform for your boyfriend who works at a country club, I guess.
Vogue 1379
That giant armhole looks like a portal that leads straight to hell.
Vogue 8973
I think this might be cute, but holyeeee shit how unflattering does it look on the model??
Vogue 8974
Seriously, are they putting forth any effort whatsoever?
Vogue 1389
Like, this actually looks cool as shit when you look at the line drawings, but would you ever guess that from just seeing the picture?
Vogue 8969
Apparently they’re not even trying to make the super stylized/unrealistic line drawings even look flattering anymore.
Vogue 8970
I rest my case.
Vogue 1385
Vagina neckline.
Vogue 8981
This is so stupid, it’s actually making me a little angry.
Vogue 8982
I also irrationally hate this; the asymmetrical hem just looks like they fucked something up during the sewing process. Whyyyy.
Vogue 1388
I don’t necessarily hate this jacket, it’s just confusing the shit out of me. Looks like a combination jacket and vest? Help?
Vogue 8984
I… what.
Vogue 8975
That gif about sums up how I feel.
So, what do you think? Anyone else fall asleep yet?
LLADYBIRD 
Club Tropicana started playing when I saw Vogue 8987… then a scratchy record noise abruptly stopped the music when I read your interpretation of Vogue 1385! But on that note if Vogue 1385 is what you think, then Vogue 8982 is the labiaplasty ‘after’ picture.
#8975- I have ginormous pockets so I don’t need to carry a purse anymore.
What can you add after the comment by Clipped curves…wahahahhahaha…well these vogue patterns are uninspiring (is this an English word???? – i am Dutch..and trying, so just pretend you understand me, even if you don’t……).
Nice to know i still have a pile of patterns i do like…:-).
Never mind boring! Frumpy as all hell!
Uninspiring is perfect 🙂
Thanks, learned a new english word…sort of….not really…..since i apparently already knew it…;-)
That 1389 skirt is THEE shit. But the photograph does not highlight it. That skirt is amazing. I would buy that skirt, the pattern for that skirt, but leave it up to Vogue to not showcase it properly. So sad.
Super boring! I did find two I am going to buy, but only after really looking over the patterns and seeing what they are. Had to look at the line drawings though. The photos are ridiculous and give you no idea what they are representing. The jacket in 8982 is beyond dumb….
Now wear mind boring! Frumpy as all hell!
You are correct…they have given up…they think we are all brain dead and cannot demand better styles. We should all write to them and say “What Crap”. The fact they make up almost passable line drawings into sad grey dumpy garments just makes me mad too! Vagina necklines….too funny!
😩💤💤💩😴
These are such shite! Ok, I’m a mere 45 yrs old but like to think I’m still quite stylish with the odd but of funk thrown in some days…but who the hell are these patterns aimed at??? the last freedom bus to nowhere city…that’s where these ugly monstrosities are heading!!! They go beyond boring…as you so beautifully put it….”I….what”….exactly! Vogue must sit on it’s fat cat corporation bottom very comfortably and sleep well at night, if this is all they feel they need to come up with! There are exceptions to the big pattern companies (well, some of their patterns that is), but I’d not bother with any of these! Indie pattern companies are the future! Though I’m quite liking the ‘I dream of Genie’ baggy maxi sack and 1980’s Madonnaesque cropped top!!! (No, I’m only joking!). It is like the wardrobe for Pretty Woman! the best thing about any of these is your wonderfully funny, piss taking commentary!! Love it. Kate x
Oh, I’ve been looking forward to this post. I went through the online look book in about 5 seconds because NOTHING made me want to click and enlarge. I did just give 8972 a second look based on your comments and I like the curvy seam lines (which were invisible in the model dress).
Aside from the 1-2 patterns that actually show potential (and, yes – you had to consult the line drawings to determine that!) the rest of the collection looks like someone had a deadline to meet and just either slapped some random drawings down or pulled some junk out of the vault…!
The thing that makes me REALLY angry about Vogue (and other big pattern companies) is that THIS IS WHAT THEY DO FOR THEIR BUSINESS and they still manage to make unflattering, poorly presented items?! It’s kind of a slap in the face, really. I mean, do they really think the sewing community’s standards are so very low that we’ll just grab ANYTHING and sew it, no matter that it looks like a sack on the skinny model? Seriously, it shows a lack of respect for the standards of design that is very troubling. If you check out vintage patterns, they’re at least flattering and/or forward thinking without looking like jokes! No wonder their patterns are constantly “on sale”…!
Rant over. Enjoyed your comments about this lackluster collection 🙂
aha vagina neckline ❤
i totally fall asleep too, it's boring to the maximum pff
zzzzzzz
OMG, this is so bad it’s laughable! Wow, if you can’t even make a line drawing look good, what the hell?!
Oh man, these are the best. It’s definitely a bad collection, but I’m glad they put it out there so you could point out the vagina neckline and use that gif. Totally worth it.
Okay don’t everyone stone me but you have to realize that Vogue designs patterns for a very wide audience. What doesn’t work for you or me, might work for someone else. There is a larger audience out there for these looks than you probably realize. Also, you sew a lot of indie designers that I would never sew…some because of styling and some because of sizing so basically I’m saying different strokes for different folks!
This is true! And I have personally seen you sew up some patterns that I thought were terrible until you took your personal spin on them. I think a lot of the problem here is the styling. It’s just soo bad – especially the fabric choices, eep! Haha!
Well the styling is pretty much the same as ever…. guaranteed to turn you off…. and I love how you arranged them in order of laughableness! The first one is ok, even though those back curves look like a nightmare to match up it’s interesting. That second to last one is …. I have no words either.
Well I was snoozing until I got to vagina neckline – now I’m pissing myself laughing
What is up with the front of that jacket?
It’s starting to look alot like how Burda Magazine has been for the past few months, a lot of déjà vu and/or what the heck is that?
I’m with you, except on the jacket with the hem problem: I’m afraid the buttons are a more serious problem than the hem. Vogue is not doing a good job delivering flattering, wearable styles for anyone, much less everyone.
Bwahahahaha. You must do this with every pattern release…if you don’t do so already. I just found your blog and will definitely come back.
My favorites are the vajayjay shirt and Love Boat mens outfit. Cheers!
I just can’t get over the armhole of Vogue 1379. Would anyone actually where that?
And why the hell would you make drawing look unflattering. Drawings are supposed to make the garment look better!
And there is so much other weird shit going on that I don’t even know.
What! That armhole! What the hell?! Here, PLEASE VIEW MY SIDE BOOB.
As soon as I saw Vogue 8982 I just knew it was a Maci Tilton and I am not surprised that Vogue 8975 is as well. I usually have the same reaction for her stuff.
Again, I have to laugh not just because of your comments, but because other bloggers have loved on this stuff and listed the new Vogue patterns they have already bought or can’t wait to buy. There are a couple of women out there who just live for every new Marci Tilton design. I personally can’t get excited about Marci’s stuff — it all just seems HUGE and BAGGY and look like big rectangles of fabric sewn and tied together randomly. I have not personally bought a Vogue pattern in years. They don’t match my taste and and are very expensive,but as with all things, they have their fans.
Oh, Lauren, you didn’t mention the Pamela Rolland (V1380) in the fabric that looks like a fetal ultrasound. Or is that thing emerging from her groin a large beet?
http://voguepatterns.mccall.com/v1380-products-47936.php?page_id=174
Whoops, that’s Pamella Roland. (Why can’t she spell her name right?)
Oh, my! The sad thing is, the dress itself is actually pretty cute, but the fabric is so busy it gets lost, if that makes any sense.
Omg I am nt sure I can see through the ugly fabric and boring poses… Why, vogue oh why?
That vest is killing me – I actually feel sorry for the model! I can’t imagine ever wanting to sew any of these clothes, with the exception of the first dress and 1398, but even those two are not very exciting. I agree with the other poster – who is the target audience for this frump? I’m guessing it is us over 40s…do the designers think that once you pass 39 you give up?
I’m only kinda excited about the bag. The rest is … eh.
I’m digging 1389 and 8972. Really, really like those. They’ll make it onto my list. As always, your commentary makes me happy.
Wow, 1389…I had no idea. Thanks for pointing out the line drawings.
The Ralph Rucci looks interesting, but, uh, familiar.
Is it wrong that I wait every season for your pattern reviews? Thank God I had put my tea down before reading or I would be buying the company a new key board and possibly a monitor.
Omg you’re killing me!!! 😀
Vagina neckline!!! Best description EVER, still laughing……
Ha ha laughed my ass off. I have a suspicion that 8973 might potentially be OK, but not convinced enough to find out….
I have to admit that I was disappointed. Is Anna Sui no longer a Vogue designer? 1379 with an armhole modification would be a good maternity dress. I also love 1387. If you think these are bad, just start looking at maternity patterns. They will make you cry.
Hahahahaha! Vagina neckline indeedy!
But I’d beware, have you seen model 8982’s expression!? I wouldn’t let her hear you dissing her jacket or she. will. fuck. you. up.
Seriously though. Whaaaaaat? So uninspiring.
Oh come on. You don’t want to sleep in a giant cropped t-shirt and elastic waist skirt?! Or go to the gym in it?! …wait, what are you supposed to do in that outfit? I’m imagining that lady standing uncomfortably on the beach just staring at people and looking like it hurts to move. Yay awkward!
p.s. that pattern retails for $25.00. That’s the biggest WTF of them all! bahaha!
LOL this pattern was the ultimate WTF for me too!! haha!
Love your descriptions of these, Lauren! But, I kinda like the jacket-vest combo. I think it could be really flattering in the right fabrics.
hahaha, vagina neckline!! It was worth having that colllection just for this new technical term. Otherwise: holy crap, this is really awful. I remember having to make something like 8970 in my home ec class circa 1982…
Oh Vogue! 1388 is like “let’s take a complicated process [tailoring a jacket] and up the ante by putting the lapels in a really weird place and making you do some wacky shit to sew it all together, and the payoff is a tailored garment that isn’t sure what it is”. To me it’s like looking at one of those eye/brain puzzles where you can only see the real image if you unfocus your eyes after staring at it a really long time.
Is it bad to want Vogue to screw it up royal so I can laugh my ass off reading your blog? “Vogue 8987: Could be useful if you needed a sew a uniform for your boyfriend who works at a country club, I guess.” LOL I’m laughing again! “Vogue 1379: That giant armhole looks like a portal that leads straight to hell.” ahhh pure hilarity! Thank you!
Isn’t 8973 what Julia Roberts wore to the polo match?
Okay, so not exactly but pretty close. And that was 23 years ago.
http://tinyurl.com/kdnae22
Vagina neckline. I’m dying!!!
Your commentary has been my favorite form of entertainment today. Thank you. 🙂
Lauren I think you are down right rude and not at all funny when you post posts like this. First of all, what makes it ok for you to belittle someone else’s designs and work just because they are part of a large corporation? Yes, it’s your blog and your opinions blah blah but how would you feel if someone took a similar line with your beloved indie designers? Christine Hayes making fun of dress designs? Pot kettle black. Let’s all re-hash designs from 50 years back and get idiots to pay 5 times as much a a vogue pattern on sale and rave about them. Secondly, your fellow mood bloggers will sew up some of these designs and you will tell them how wonderful they look. Which just makes you two faced. Some of those bloggers have already raved about some of these designs. You are being rude to them saying what you are. Thirdly, maybe this year you could try paying for all your own patterns and not just free loading off indie pattern designers who provide you with free patterns to promote? Maybe if you did you would realise what great value the big 4 offer – not just at sale time but options included in an envelope – as well as sizing options for women who indies don’t cater for. If you are brave enough to answer this maybe you can reply without using the words fuck, shit and vagina.
Meow!
My grandmother used to say, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” She had internalized a lot of misogyny and was uncomfortable with women who expressed opinions.
Hi Fanny, see, there’s this thing called personal aesthetic, and none of these fit mine. Some of the patterns themselves are fine (which you would have noticed, had you bothered to read anything I wrote in the entire post), but the styling, fit, and fabric choices are awful for about 75% of these. If you want to disagree, fine, but there is nothing rude about me not finding these appealing nor wanting to sew them. Sorry.
On the other hand, if you’d like to talk about rude, I think it’s pretty rude to assume that just because I have received gratis patterns in the past (in exchange for promotion/advertising… I mean, forreal, nothing is ever really “free”), that means I ~freeload~ off indie designers and never pay for anything with my own money. That’s a pretty rude assumption, and especially rude to barge up here in the comments with your untrue accusations, even though I’m sure you feel sooo brave behind your anon handle. Get out of here with that trash, I don’t have time for shitty people like you.
Bye!
God, Fanny….you must be in a bad place at the moment, but really? you need to be THAT unpleasant?! Clearly you have read or at least looked at Lauren’s posts in the past to have made the nasty comment about her fitting and size (what was it…over fitted and too small) clothes! Why read them/look at them then? There’s hundreds of sewing related blogs that may suit your taste, temperament and personality a lot better! A blog is someone’s personal views and take on all manner if things, so Lauren’s clearly not yours…so don’t look at it! Judging by her number of followers and comments on this post alone, you can see her blog is popular to say the least and extremely funny if you have a sense of humour. Absolutely no need to be rude or offensive!!
By the way, in the UK, the indie patterns are often way cheaper than Vogue…just do you know…so again, if you need to shout someone down, it’s best to get your facts straight! I’m not tiny in build or size but the breath of fresh air offered in the styles from the indie pattern designers is just fantastic…revival or not…uh, that’s fashion! Things come back in fashion all the time…and everyone has their faves and pet hates…but we don’t need to attack people personally for expressing that! Bye bye.
I stand corrected Fanny. I mis-quoted you. It was not you who referred to Lauren’s dressmaking as ‘over fitted and too small’…it was another rude person…but I think they’ve deleted their post as it doesn’t seem to be here now…in shame!
Fanny, the irony is, over here in the UK your choice of username (FANNY) means vagina!
HAHAHA!!
I swear I just saw that 1388 jacket on Babylon 5! Does that mean it’s from the future? For the future? It is kind of cool, until you see the from behind pic. From behind, it’s all behind, if you get what I mean!?
Vogue 8975 . I really like it. It could be because I am over 50 and lived through the Stevie Nicks era. It’s just a thing some of us mature ladies really like. Have you heard of the lagenlook? I don’t feel as comfortable wearing that form fitting stuff as much anymore. I love the fabric combination. I like the vintage 8974 also. I like the elegance and the simplicity of it. The line drawings are really something, I agree that they aren’t very good at all.
I think you should just forward the gif to Vogue with a petition signed by…well, everyone with eyes? 🙂
A couple things: I’m pretty sure pattern 8970 would be invaluable if you were doing an all girl production of cuckoos nest. So mental patient chic! The second is I’m so glad someone is taking a stand against giant arm holes! I see them all the time and I don’t get who is wanting that look!!! It’s so weird! Also vagina neckline is a good band name
It makes me feel like they don’t know who their audience is. The seem to be trying to be avantgard with the designs but they’re making them up in granny fabrics. Maybe not a lot of communication between departments? 😦
ZZZ, typical Vogue. I own a ton of Vogue but can’t bother to buy them nowadays. You won’t hear me raving about them so I’m in total agreement with you, Lauren. I’m scratching my head trying to see how the Big 4 gives me value for my money when I’m constantly having to compensate for their ginormous seam allowances. My time is my money. Rather not have to spend so much time creating Vogue looks that are whack.
That said, V1389 looks interesting but then I zoomed in on the back look. Vogue can’t even bother to present a nicely pressed skirt. I see why these models look so pissed in these garments.
I could care less if you get the indie patterns for free. Blog on, Lauren!
I susspect that the difference between 1381 and 1317 iis that you might actually be able to raise your arms in the old Rucci. Seriously, a raglan sleeve with an armscye ending below the model’s boob – unless I’m missing something, ain’t gonna be no high-fives here.
Vogue 8987–the vest? Ah, ah, ah, ah Staying Alive, Staying Alive. (Ha ha,,now you all have it stuck in your heads too!)
Yeah total snooze I agree. Vagina neckline – LOL!
I love the bodice on 8969–I love the princess seams on the front and back and the Dior dart is a cool vintage-y detail that you don’t see a lot. Then there’s the skirt that just…I don’t know. It might be OK in real life, but on the drawing it appears to start just below her nipples.
You’re so funny. Love your blog x
I actually quite like the first two but that might just be because they are wearable, not necessarily because I want to make them. The man’s pattern styling seems like a good way to get badly beaten up.
No snoozing, too busy laughing! At 1389 in particular, is that head really tiny?? The rest get a big WTF??
I ordered 1387, and I’m hoping the pattern matches the photo and not the line drawing. The photo has cute shoulder pleats; the line drawing has no pleats and no darts.
I don’t know about you, but my vagina sure doesn’t look like that!
You’re right, if any of ours did it might warrant a trip to the doctor! Haha!
“I..what.” Funniest thing I’ve read in a like 3 years.
I actually liked quite a few of the designs, and I’m not ‘over 40’ yet LOL. I may not wear some of them but I love to see how my favorite bloggers will interpret the patterns. Anyhow, always love reading different reviews of the pattern releases. You made my day with the ‘vagina’ comment, hahaha. I always enjoy your posts even though we may have different styles. 😉
Oops not sure why I’m anonymous…
Poor 1389….click through to the line drawings and the pencil skirt is awesome! But on her…in that fabric…all together. Do they not look at the pictures before posting them?
Puke inducing
I love these posts from you. They crack me up every time. Vagina neckline had me laughing out loud. You are so funny!
ermehgerrrd, I’m laughing so hard right now with your “That giant armhole looks like a portal that leads straight to hell.” and “I… what.” Seriously, I needed this this morning. Also, I think you’re absolutely right…they’re doing the honey badger here. SERIOUSLY.
You are so right, these are not my favorite and surely not anything new. Vogue, live up to your name please!
I just finished reading the post and all the comments. Loved the commentary about the Vogue patterns, the comments (good & bad) and – of course! the vagina neckline, which sort of makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and I am not sure why ;-P Keep up the great posts.
zzz…zzzz…vagina neckline?! bahaha…zzzz…zzz..zzz….
I feel like I just thumbed through my mother’s collection of 1980 patterns. WTF?!
Clearly they caught on to your pattern snark and wanted to leave you speechless.
Dude this post made me laugh out loud. A big old fat LOL! So funny. Omg these are hideous… I have no idea what the target market is here! The guy in the waistcoat thing? Who would wear that? Where are these people who look at these patterns and say YES! That is me! Come forward and show yo’selves. Love your Vogue reviews. xx
That waistcoat made me laugh so much. I might threaten to make one for Dr P and see if I can get his best “bitch PLEASE” face out of him. I love the model’s facial expression too, he’s properly taking it seriously blue steel style. Love it. Love your reviews. Think you’re brilliant.
As an illustrator, I actually sympathize with the artists that had to do the line drawings for these… how do you make blah 80’s reruns look good? I’d find that rather uninspiring as well LOL
I think v8974 is super cute! I’d use different fabric, but I’m a sucker for criss crossing straps!
I love your posts on new pattern collections, they crack me up 😀
Your post is so much more entertaining than Vogue’s patterns. Total snooze-material!
hahaha your comments are hilarious! I stay away from Vogue because their patterns just bore the fuck out of me too.
How could I fall asleep with your commentary??? 😛
I absolutely agree that the latest lookbook is boring as batshit!
I was looking for SERIOUS reviews of specific new Vogues – didn’t expect this diatribe peppered with swearing. What is it with trying to outdo each other in nastiness? No, I certainly won’t be coming here again – I’m looking for informed comment, not girls trying to see who can be the ‘baddest’ ! Grow up !! (Do you dare to print this….)
I’m sorry that you found this review offense, but I’m not going to apologize for calling out the horrible styling on these pattern envelopes. That’s not being nasty- that’s having a damn opinion. Furthermore, I’d like to think that you could have figured out the content was not an “informative review” based on the first couple of sentences in this post, but then again, reading comprehension clearly isn’t your strong point.
Your last sentence proves my point – bitchiness is your currency. I’ll leave you to your immature ramblings to your immature followers. “Bye!”
And she calls us immature??? Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
Look, you can’t waltz in here and drop a bitchy comment and not expect a bitchy response.
Anyway, I guess you changed your mind about not returning. Yay! Welcome back 🙂
Another blogger (that I sort of used to like but no more), wrote this glowing, drooling sewist-in-heat
shillpost about how great these patterns look.My work for all of this: craptastic.
I looked through the entire offering of new patterns and of the ones that I didn’t skip righjt on by after my eyes stopped rolling, I was struck by two overarching themes:
Way too many seams and futzy odd bits to be realistic (look like weird-assed costumes to me)
And way too much volume. Hell even the models looked frumpy.
The six-foot stick figures looked swathed in giant diapers frumpy.
All that said, I do like 8982. It will swim quite nicely upstream against the tide of business blazers my sad life visits on me Monday through Friday.
“word”, not “work”.