I actually had a legit blog post planned for today. But then, Vogue went and released their Fall patterns for 2014. Merry Christmas in July, y’all!
Before I go any further, let me address the inevitable “WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO VOGUE OMGGG” comments:
HA! 🙂 Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some snarking to do 😉
Vogue 1416
Well, well! Looks like someone got a discount on that bolt of neon purple polyester satin.
Also, let this be a cautionary tale:
If you don’t properly press your seams, you *will* end up with Vagina Butt.
Vogue 1417
Was 1373 leaving your arm in the cold? No worries, we’ve got that (and yer neck!) covered!
Vogue 1414
I was inclined to like this until I realized the top has a boob flap. Why, Vogue. Why.
Vogue 9035
I don’t get this. I understand that the designer was trying to do something funky with the seaming details, but the overall effect is that she made a bunch of mistakes and half-assed trying to fix them.
Like, look at that cuff. JUST LOOK AT IT.
Vogue 1410
Well, that just looks stupid.
Vogue 1407
This is actually REALLY cute and I can totally see Carolyn rocking the shit out of it.
Vogue 1408
Ack, I love this one too! It would look awesome with a contrasting fabric to really show off all those seam details.
Vogue 1409
So, the seamlines+color scheme+texture (I’m guessing it’s stretch velvet?) on this dress totally makes me think of a saber toothed tiger. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I guess, if you’re into that sort of thing. I tried to Google y’all a picture of a saber toothed tiger just to prove my point… and instead I came across this:
Yes, you saw that right. That is Richard Nixon punching a saber toothed tiger.
There’s also this amazingness from the same artist. HOLY SHIT THIS GUY IS AWESOME.
Thanks, Google!
Ok, back to Vogue…
Vogue 1404
Hm, could be hit or miss.
BUT(t)…
The topstitched hem is pretty snazzy, amirite? High five, Vogue!
Vogue 1419
Not really sure how I feel about this one. It’s very different and I do like that. I can’t stand the sleeves, though. All I want to do is grab that underarm excess and pinch it.
Vogue 1406
Yo Vogue, your epileptic fabric choices mean I CAN’T SEE SHIT!
Vogue 9040
I just wanted to point out that, again, the wall is collapsing around her. They really should hire a building inspector to take a look at that place before someone gets hurt.
Vogue 9038
I swear to God, this is LITERALLY a rectangle of fabric with a cutout down the middle.
Vogue 1413
No, Vogue, you can’t do that – that’s just cheating.
Vogue 9029
WAY too many ruffley/dangly options, but all in all – not half bad. I’d sew it!
Vogue 9036
Way to take a really cool pattern and make it look like a throwback to the embarrassing part of the early 90s.
Vogue 1411
Whaaaaaaat! These are awesome.
Vogue 9028
Who the hell puts an invisible zipper (aka not a design element) in a knit top? What the fuck.
Side note: I just made the mistake of staring at her bun, and now I’m lost in a vortex of swirling hair. Magic!
Vogue 9031
Who draws these things, anyway? Like, who sat there and thought, “Hmm, you know what this skirt needs? LEOPARD PRINT*.”
(*y’all know I fucking love leopard print. But, as with everything good, there is a time and a place. This was not the time, nor the place.)
Vogue 9037
I am convinced that they just rephotograph/redraw this every season and call it new.
Vogue 9024
Even the model can’t figure out where the other half of her peplum went.
Vogue 9021
For me, going through the Vogue patterns from top to bottom is like browsing Netflix. The first few rows are attention grabbing, but as you go down, they get progressively worse.
Vogue 9018
Not
Vogue 9020
Even
Vogue 9033
Trying
Vogue 9042
Can we discuss how utterly ADORABLE these little kids patterns are, though?
Vogue 9043
Like, holy shit, I think they almost brought my shriveled up ovaries back to life.
Vogue 9041
And, you know… in case you forgot where babies come from, Vogue is here to remind you.
Vogue 9044
This will be very useful for those days when you have no pockets or purse and need to stash things in your hat.
Vogue 9045
Lord, Vogue, haven’t we already discussed this?
Whatever. Don’t let me stop you.
In other Vogue news, I noticed that Vogue is taking notes for a future sewalong, as well as a giveaway for one of the new patterns (they didn’t ask me to promote this, btw. Just noticed and figured some of y’all would be interested!). They’ve really been pushing the social media lately and I think it’s awesome! Just, you know… keep releasing a healthy dose of wtf patterns and/or envelope with wacky styling, please. I need something to entertain me.
What do you think about these new patterns? See any you love or love to laugh at?
LLADYBIRD 
I’ve been waiting for your take on the newest Vogue patterns, as I was going through them, I kept on thinking…. are they single handedly trying to bring back 1989? I however see potential for Vogue 1419, as I plan on buying it and using it as a basis for my interpretation of this jacket: http://www.redcarpet-fashionawards.com/2014/06/13/angelina-jolie-atelier-versace-global-summit-end-sexual-violence-conflict-day-4/. I will work on the excess fabric in the sleeves. I’ll definitely blog about it once it’s made. Anyway, thanks for the review!
OMG YES. If you make that, I demand pictures!
It will likely be after we move, so Septemberish. But right now I’m working on figuring this dress out http://tomandlorenzo.com/2014/06/everyone-wants-to-be-keira-knightley-in-prada-in-new-york-city/. I’m starting with Butterick 5922 as a base. It should be fun.
Your. best. one. yet. Very very very funny.
But, what I can’t grasp is how terrible the fabric is? And, the backgrounds. Don’t they have money? I just don’t get it. That sabertoothed tiger fabric is so incredibly ugly, I can’t even.
Okay, love reading your comments about the pattern releases. They do make me question my taste – but here you go:
1417 – I love this, I want to look so chic, where would I wear it? My goodness, I live in Phoenix and one of the things I like to do is EAT – how do you eat in this without dragging your arm through your food?
1414 – Gorgeous, I even like the boob flap, if it is placed correctly. The color of this fabric though, blech. Like and ace bandage. I plan to make it in a gorgeous blue crepe.
1410 – I know this dress is crazy, but it’s the kind of crazy my sister wears. Honest to God! I made her two versions of a crazy 4 pointed table skirted dress.
1407 I think it is so sexy – cannot say I will look good in something like this, but it definitely has potential for slimming.
1406 – I love this, classic length, asymmetrical neckline and that far out fabric. I would buy this dress, as is, but will have to settle for making it.
Hahahah oh god, these crack me up every time
I think in it’s defense Vogue 1410 looks a bit like a Japanese Drape Drape pattern, but more wearable. Other than that you’ve got it spot on 😉
It’s ugly and I’m betting there are a bunch of uglier unfinished seams on the inside.
ehmmmm i like the kids-stuff….(and i just looked through my patterns quickly and noticed i actually do not own any vogue patterns…probably for a (subconscious) reason …hihihi ..
I never have a ‘wow-moment’ with vogue sewing patterns (i do with some knitting patterns)…:-), just not my brand i guess….
I LOVE the kids stuff. I almost (almost, not quite) wish I had a kid to dress them up in.
The 1410 looks like something Oonaballoona would sew and rock on with her bad self. But otherwise, yes, right on.
JULIANA! i thought that exactly! (except minus the bad self part, only because i won’t know if i’ve rocked it till i’ve finished it). that, and the yo yo coat. seriously y’all, I WANT THAT YO YO COAT.
I NEED YOU TO MAKE BOTH OF THESE ASAP PLS
See the thing is – you got verve! You are one in a million who can rock the sh*t out of stuff because you are, well, you.
The rest of us mortals….
I want too see this in kalkatroona girl!
She would! But she would also pick a fabric that works with that crazy pattern, and we would all love it and it would be amazing 🙂
Oh, boy…! I agree with you on SO much of this! I’d love to have a chat with some of the Vogue folks (like Shams did…and they maybe listened a bit) to see why on earth they style some of these looks the way they do! The fabric choices, unpressed seams, and overall just sloppy work don’t exactly inspire confidence in the patterns for someone like me who is just starting out 😦
Interesting classic sheath dress patterns – love that wardrobe staple! I’m with you on the blouse – it looked interesting, but not sure about that ‘flap’…! That giant, flowing purple shirt? Reminds me of Seinfeld’s ‘Puffy Shirt’ episode – and I’d feel just as ridiculous if I ever had to wear that thing! (Now someone will make it in a fabulous fabric and will look amazing in it…but it won’t be me!). I’ll stick to those sheath dresses…!
I know there are those out there who love the ‘whacky’ patterns with all the odd seams and angles…but to me they (almost) always look like home ec gone bad…but that’s probably because anytime I veer too far away from classic lines, the result looks like I’ve rummaged through a boho artist’s closet and nabbed all the uncool pieces! So, no on those.
Cute children’s patterns, though…! It will be fun to see what others make with these patterns. I think at least this collection has some really interesting pieces in it, which is a nice change, AND there are a bunch to choose from 🙂 Happy sewing!
There are definitely some interesting pieces, and I love that there are so many to choose from! I guess with every pattern collection there are bound to be misses, I’m just glad I find them as hilarious as I do. Free entertainment, ha! 🙂
Ah Lauren thanks for brightening my lunch break!
This is so funny! I think the only one I would even consider making is the dark green dress with the flared skirt (1408 I think)…and possibly the yellow dress. Everything else does indeed remind me way too much of my teen years (the 80s), or is too novel.
1408 is so beautiful. I definitely think you should make it!
Ok…when you look at the PHOTOS, all is horrendous, in typical Big4 fashion. BUT; I think there are some real winners this time and I’m not even a Vogue kinda gal!
I am very ashamed of them though, for putting those poorly sewn pants out into the online world. EVEN MY 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER KNEW HER PANTS WERE HORRIBLY SEWN.
Look at those unpressed darts…the sad back crotch seam…the fact that they’re about 3 sizes too big! Well…at least the welt looks good.
Hi Lauren! Don’t worry, we have thick skins here and can take it. Glad you found some patterns you like! We think you’d look super-cute in the DKNY fit-n-flare dress, BTW.
Just as an FYI to you and your readers, the fabric shown in the designer patterns is the actual fabric chosen BY the designers. You can totally fault us for fabric choices in non-designer pattern photos and illustrations, though.
Please reprint the DVF iconic wrap dress. Yes, I have heard the story that she will not allow it–I have written her website about this as well. Many of the items now on DVF website stray from her earlier clean and classic lines. I own a number of the vintage DVF patterns but the prices on the wrap are too high for my budget. There are two new retro reprints but they are for a basic skirt and jacket from an old McCalls, not Vogue. The new Little Vogues are sweet, but I doubt if my 4 year old granddaughters would like them. My collection of 1970s Little Vogues will most likely be used for them. consider reprinting those as well.
We wish we could reissue this dress and that licensing agreements didn’t prevent us from doing so. Truly. But you know we have patterns that will give you a very close resemblance to this dress, right?
My apologies, Vogue, but I have seriously attempted to investigate and use those substitutes. They are NOT the same. The fact that these patterns go for nearly dollars on ebay may be a clue here. Please reissue this pattern!
I love that DKNY dress! Gonna have to go pick up the pattern next time I’m at the fabric store 🙂
And that’s good to know about the fabric. I’ve always wondered why some of it was so godawful and some of it was really cute. Those designers, man. They really push their limits, don’t they? 🙂
Thanks for being such a good sport 🙂 We ♥ you, Vogue!
Don’t you wish all your designers were like Clare Schaeffer? A national treasure. Can’t you beg her to do more for the good of mankind. Reprint her old patterns, pretty please.
I actually like many of the Fall patterns, Vogue. It’s the best collection I’ve seen in a long time. Thanks!
This barf fest has to be intentional, right? It’s almost like they had a meeting and said “Okay guys. All these indie designers totally have the market covered on hip, fresh, interesting designs. Let’s really corner the high school art teacher market instead of doing anything hip, fresh or interesting. Raise a bolt of purple poly satin if you agree.”
Thanks for the honest comments on Vogue. Compared to what they had in the 1970s, many designs are just ridiculous. Thank goodness for ebay and etsy so we can purchase the vintage patterns. These are still as great as they were when people of my mature age made and wore them. Thank goodness for the independent companies as well! Vogue–please reprint the iconic DVF wrap dress pattern! Reprint from your 1970s catalogs please. The older Vogues were also more efficient with fabric. Right on with the comment about the discount on a bolt of the purple silk fabric.
Well, let’s be fair here – some of the 70s patterns were pretty ridiculous too! 🙂 I’ve been cleaning out my pattern stash and I’ve found lots of super WTF ones haha 🙂
I really wish they would reprint that DVF wrap! Unfortunately, it looks like there’s a licensing snafu that prevents them from doing so 😦 Yell at DVF, it’s all her fault 🙂
I have written to her website when they sent me a survey asking why I did not complete a recent transaction. Her own site has also gone to some really strange designs. There are a few in the iconic wrap, but they are extremely short or maxi length and in colors that seem out of touch with her original vision.
OMG they commented!!! Hahahahaha!!!!!!
I always knew they read this shit! I KNEW it! haha!
IKR!!
I need a translation or description on WHAT a sewn vigina butt is? (said the Dane and zoomed in on the picture to see if she could figure it out) – wonky, un-pressed seams?
It’s the unpressed seam! Pretty much anything that resembles a soft fold (where there shouldn’t be one) gets titled “Vagina _____” to me. hahaha I’m sorry, but I’m secretly 12 years old and that shit will never ever ever not be hilarious to me 🙂
Hi Lauren,
Thanks for the laugh this morning! You can be cruel in such a good way. I had looked at the patterns previously and had many of the same thoughts. Since I am much older than you, I did sew with Vogue back in the good old days (even in Home Ec class) are they were awesome.
I love your Vogue snarking! I just wanted you to know that you made me laugh so much I inhaled my cup of tea and almost drowned. (Almost) Totally worth it though!!
Oh my!
When I let out the first big laugh reading this I thought to myself I was glad I wasn’t drinking anything at that moment. Some really hilarious stuff here.
You crack me up! I loved the blouse 1414, but knew I couldn’t wear it because of the boob flap you so creatively described.
thanks for the heads up on the sew along and giveaway…. did you notice there were quite a few votes for the coat V1419? The fit just looks all wrong on that model. I can’t love it. The diagram doesn’t do it for me either. Each to their own.
Maybe 1414 is a nursing blouse.
Nearly choked on my cuppa coffee Catherine. Too funny. Ruth from Canada.
Hahaha! You crack me up. Spot on analysis!
Your post brightened up my afternoon!
After a long morning at work and a pretty shitty couple of days your review has really brought a smile to my face. Your blog never fails to brighten my day. I love the honesty with which you write.
I needed a laugh, thanks.
Haha! As soon as I got my email from Vogue announcing the fall line-up, my first thought was, “I can’t wait to see what Lladybird writes about this batch” : D Love it!!!!
You make my heart happy.
On 1414, perhaps it’s intended to be a nursing top? That would give the boob flap a purpose, if it actually opens…
That was my first thought, too! I don’t think it was designed that way, but it would be a super cool pattern hack.
Is that a hand in your pocket or are you pleased to see… no, wait, it’s a hand in your pocket.
Like
You made my morning! Brilliant snarkiness, and so well deserved. Vogue is in such a fantasyland– who do they think is going to wear all of those ruffles? I loooove that sheath with seaming that they did up in houndstooth, though!
The last one looks like all those coffee filter crafts I always see on Pinterest. But their response was actually pretty cool. I guess they hired someone with real social media skills.
Oh yeah, they are ROCKIN the social media these days!
Thanks, Lauren! Back atcha.
Ahhh, this is just what I needed this morning. I’ve been waiting on your review. lol
I love that McCall’s responded, too. I’m impressed with all their new social media work. 🙂
Me too! I think a huge part of the reason why we all pick on the Big 4 is because they seem so giant and faceless. Having a person to interact with now is definitely a bit of a game-changer (but obviously they’re also really really good sports. Which makes me happy in so many ways!)
For sure! The jolly attitude they seem to have really makes them fun. Also, their random comments on my IG make me really happy. lol
Same here. I follow them on IG and they consistently post things that are relevant and useful.
Thanks, Camille and Aleksandra! Glad you like what we’re doing.
I laughed so hard and agree altogether. I like 1407 but that’s it. You would think that they could be more creative. Been there done that on most of the patterns. I prefer the creative Burda Style patterns and they are usually easy to recreate. Fabric does it for me, style lines not as much. I really enjoyed your blog.
I’m not certain, but I think I might like the boob flap! Not the ruffle though, even that little one. So many ruffles in this batch!
Kelly, I’m with you, that I totally love the boob flap lol!
You show me that you can make that boob flap work and I will stand corrected!
Hey Lauren, we just passed the word on to our designers that you want more ruffles and dangly things in the next collection. You’re ok with that, right?!
Oops, forgot to tell them to add boob flaps too.
Make the whole trifecta up in shiny purple polyester (you have more of that… right?) and you’ve got yourself a real winner 😉
Girl, that is SILK charmeuse and it’s the actual Guy Laroche fabric!
this is cracking. me. up.
OMG! It means it’s going to show up next year at my local French fabric store where I get pretty good couture remnants. If I do Lauren, I’m sending you some, so you can have your own purple silk fest.
OMG don’t you even tease me like that! I await my purple silk fest with great anticipation 😀 haha
I’m now anxiously awaiting someone nonymously gifting you some purple silk! 😀
anonymously (grr typo)
Someone needs to tell that guy there is such thing as too much purple… even if it is silk charmeuse 😉
But that model is swimming in all that purple! Line drawing doesn’t look that loose fitting! Especially the back view photo.
Vogue’s model is way too small for that blouse.
It’s been a long time since your last Vogue Review and you didn’t disappoint! 😀
I almost burst out laughing when I saw these pictures of Nixon wrestling the tiger and JFK on a mecha-unicorn…then remembered I was still at work. Oops.
Those pictures are AMAZING! I kind of want to order a bunch of prints for my sewing room now hahahahaha
Overall, I’m with ya on all of those patterns. I just absolutely adore those 1411 pants. Other than that, SO MANY RUFFLES. And yes please, I hope they keep releasing crazy looking patterns because this sort of posts crack me up. You’re hilarious.
Actually, at first glance I liked the pants (V1411), but when I saw the technical drawings I thought they looked like horseriding pants. Now I can’t look at them without smelling manure (not that I don’t like horses, but I don’t think I’d wear those on a daily basis!).
Ouch, my eyes! 😱 Thanks for the commentary, it made it worth the pain of having to see those horrendous patterns!
Lol, nearly spat my drink out all over my screen laughing at some of your comments – although I did have to check I wasn’t reading a blog post from the ’90s based on some of those outfits/styling!!! Maybe some of the patterns wouldn’t be so bad if they made better fabric choices but I’m not convinced. Thanks for putting a smile on my face!!
I think it’s funny that people would read a blog for your opinion and then be upset that you expressed one. I read a number of blogs because I want a range of perspectives. Bloggers who review patterns have different views and I appreciate what each of them say. I want dissension in the ranks, and i love the snark. As a beginner sewist and and expert fabric collector, I learn a lot even from the pattern reviews — such as how to avoid vagina butt. I also love that McCalls is reading these posts and commenting on them. With that said, keep on giving your opinion because that’s why I read your blog. If I disagree, I’ll write my own blog piece.
this mmd. ^_^
Just in case you missed our earlier comment about fabric choices: If it’s a designer pattern, it’s the actual fabric used by the designer. We choose the fabric for the non-designer patterns.
Interesting! I never would have guessed that, actually, but it totally makes sense.
I actually like 9024. The parallel diagonals kind of work for me. I think I’d omit the skirt slit, though, and just carry the gray part all the way across, so it wouldn’t flap around annoyingly.
Vogue just needs to keep producing a really big range. Shams loved it and found loads to wear and neither your or I liked many of the designs, it seems. I tried very artsy stuff when I first started sewing but I am small and curvy and just end up looking messy. I love 1408 dress though (if my sewing skills were up to it), also the wrap jacket 9037 which would look very elegant with a pencil skirt or even jeans. Classic children’s wear is a great idea as the stuff in the shops is so cheap and nasty. I can see some really cute heritage pieces being sewn up from those patterns. P.S. Thanks for the laugh!! :))
Mizuno 1410….designer thought…oh crap what should i do with all this baggy fabric in front? Grab it all and put a button on it…women will love it…problem solved. The brown Marcy Tilton outfit…cuffs? some up, some down, blouse…make sure most of it sticks out from the body like you make it is sewing 101 with no teacher present…wait a month and they will be on clearance online.
You are so funny! Always love your commentaries and your bold use of naughty words. . . my kinda gal. And you got Vogue to respond. Double A+; make that a triple for adding in ‘vagina butt’.
Good replies Vogue. I’m sure I’ll buy the sheath dress to add to my pile of sheath dress patterns still in the envelope.
Thanks! We try.
You are too funny!
I laughed so hard at the 9024 comment my cat ran away. Good thing I wasn’t looking at it surreptitiously in the office!
Keep the reviews coming, and vogue can keep commenting too. This is the most fun looking at patterns I’ve had in a while. Now, I wonder if we can get Burda to admit to making patterns deliberately confusing…..
Burda – my Burden at the moment. Like Suduku without the numbers
I laughed out loud through this whole thing. I pretty much agree with you about everything. Until Vogue gets over itself it needs somebody raggin’ on them. Keep up the good work. Love your blog.
WordPress ate my comment, but here it is: Sweet Lord in heaven, where’s the adult version of 9043?!?!?!?!?!?!
Right? I’d make that.
V9040, views A&C 🙂 (They really shouldn’t have selected the view the did as the sample…and it has a poor fit to boot)
The red pants are pretty rocking, they would make great leggings. Otherwise, they are pretty true to form for Vogue – scary!
Well, I am not going to be one to cast any stones, but your scathing reviews are hilarious and completely entertaining! I applaud McCalls, for reaching out the to the blog community. Also, if there is one thing I have learned from my day job is that it is not always about how fashionable an item is, but rather- does it sell? The demand must be there so they are probably laughing all the way to the bank!
That is true! We can giggle all we want, but we need to remember that we are only a fraction of a percentage of their customer base. I’m sure they are selling the hell out of these patterns, danglies and all 🙂
I think I have to make the pants with the weird turn ups…I can stash emergency snacks for the kids in there! Or training snacks for the dog…that would get him to walk to heel!
You should probably label this as NSFW, because I;m making a spectacle of myself laughing so hard.
Bleck!!!! Hate the patterns, hate the fabrics, hate the models. Exception: V1404 with that cute topstitching around the hem in that great,right-on-the-edge-of-being-horrible color. Kids are always adorable–no extra points for that. I love that little girl’s coat, but Butterick has a better one.
I never understand these pattern ads, besides some patterns that are themselves terrible, they almost always pick the worst patterned/texture/etc material to make it out of. It’s almost like they’re trying to say if you sew your own clothes they should be hideous, so no one accidentally thinks you may purchase your clothes in a store.
Also, I love that artist- I have this one of Teddy Roosevelt vs Bigfoot http://sharpwriter.deviantart.com/art/Teddy-Roosevelt-VS-Bigfoot-198525028
Amazing!!
Dear Vogue–now that we know that you’re listening and lurking in a totally playful way–I used to love love love Vogue patterns. In fact, I would buy nothing but Vogue, partly because it made me feel superior (it would reinforce my love for perfect small details) and partly because they were simply the best (you didn’t dumb it down). The bad news is that, for the past few seasons, you have seriously missed the mark style-wise. But quality-wise, I still think you’re the best.
The good news is that so many talented young pattern designers who are selling directly online, and that’s really where the action is any more. The world is changing, but you could change with it………don’t be left behind!
Hi and thanks for the input. We are definitely reading everyone’s comments and considering them.
Well then…would Vogue consider making patterns for technical athletic clothes? That I would be really interested in, along with some new lingerie patterns. Thanks!
Hi! Will pass this on to our merchandising department. Thanks!
Ooh, second!
THIRDED!
I took a look at the new patterns yesterday and couldn’t wait for your post! They gave you so much to work with this time. There are a few gems mixed in there, but most of them are a hard pass for me.
I mean, they are practically begging you to do make these comments. What in the ever loving fuck is going on with all those ruffles?!?!? Are they hoping someone will buy the fabric from them?!
That last dress – the one with the poofy doily shawl thing.
Is there something seriously wrong with her shoulder? It almost looks like she’s dislocated it. Surely the shawl’s not that heavy.
Vagina butt 😂😆😂😆😂😆😂😆😂😆
I always enjoy your Vogue pattern critiques. Out of this season’s offerings, I will definitely try my hand at 1404 and 1408. I am a little intimidated by the latter, as it calls for advanced sewing skills, but I really like the couture details, such as quilted hem and the pockets. As for 1408, those multiple seams appear to offer a great opportunity for a really good fit. I am excited about both of these patterns. Thank you for your always humorous, and always apt, analyses.
Put a warning at the top, would you? I nearly snorted red wine back out through my nose… Mind you, the Vogue site itself would make me do the same.
Personally, I like the wrap in the last picture. Nothing says ‘sophisticated wedding’ like a bunch of giant Suffolk puffs sewn together!
The pattern releases just remind me all the time that most people have no taste, and no sense of aesthetics (as far as MHO is concerned). But hey, if sewing these things makes people happy, who are we to argue? Happy and fugly is way better than on trend and miserable.
Check this out! It is Rucci’s vogue 1404 on the runway in 2013: http://www.style.com/fashionshows/complete/slideshow/S2013RTW-CHADO/#25
Oohhh, I like that!
I just love your Vogue reviews and really look forward to them. HILARIOUS!! Thanks for the laugh.
An unexpected Lladybird Vogue post. Wednesday evening is looking up. 🙂
I wish I could be a fly on the wall in the meetings where they decide to use those fabrics. I swear they have a time machine and have forgotten they’re in 2014.
Vagina-butt! Bahaha
Obviously, 1410 is what you want to wear if you’re headed to a rave in a medieval dungeon.
You had me laughing out loud!
I adore your Vogue snark, and this is one of the best. The baby kept laughing because I was laughing and we just had a joyful little laughfest at your wonderful shredding of this collection. So thanks!
Aww I love that haha!!
Yes WTF pretty much sums most of them up for me too ! x
The1411 and the 1408 are pretty awesome. Don’t know what to think about the rest though.
Spot on!!! Also where oh where is the vintage vogue repos? !?!?!?!?!?!
Didn’t even realize those were missing from this batch! Bummer!
Your seasonal reviews of vogue patterns are my fave blog reading days!!! Love that shit!
The above was not meant to be an anonymous posting but my fingers jumped the gun!
I have been waiting for this post and that frog meme… AH, LOVE IT!!!
I really want to make up 1406, but in a solid fabric because the line drawing is absolutely gorgeous. The rest of the collection I can pretty much pass on for now.
Whether or not any of the comments actually go anywhere I kinda love that they are reading them. HI VOGUE PEOPLE WHATSUP
And also, my favorite thing about new patterns is reading your reviews on them Lauren- thanks:)
Hi Jilly! Just chillin’ after a long day…
Ah, see? I knew when I got the Vogue email that this would be coming soon …
Vogue, thank you so much for participating with such class. A lot of companies could be taking notes on how you are handling this. And fwiw, I love Vogue Patterns. I look forward to every release. I think Lladybird’s comments are spot on this time around, but I appreciate how you guys push the envelope a bit and can be counted on to be a bit more adventurous. It doesn’t always work, but when it does, it’s pretty amazing.
On the fabric thing, though, can you explain why the fabric in the sabre tooth tiger dress looks so different from the runway version? On the DK version, the sleeves are sheer and have cuffs, and the outer skirt fabric clings which alters the shape of the garment quite a bit. It’s a shame, because the original (while certainly very different) looks great and the fabric choices here obscure the potential of the dress, IMO.
The very best thing about seeing the Vogue announcement in my inbox was knowing this post would be coming on its heels. Total Christmas in July! Yeesh! What are they thinking?! I’m all about the 1411 leggings though, do you think I could make them into some groovy yoga pants?
Thanks for the post. Rocked. It. Again. (-;
PS Kudos to Vogue for being good sports. Hope you’re listening to the pleas for reprints.
Yay for Lauren’s Vogue roundup posts – always hilarious and spot on. In this case I will have to agree with her, as a Vogue super-fan (is there such a thing? if so I am) this new pattern release was a big blah to me, mostly stuff I have already seen or not very wearable shapes. They lost me at the cape, Seriously? and the V9028 top, I thought that looked like a bad Star Trek uniform. So far nothing I will be sewing. I am always on the lookout for a really snappy jacket pattern with some great shaping so I will wait for the next release or dive into my old standbys. And the fabrics – it’s been said already but horrible. not doing themselves any favors by obscuring the design lines with prints or such dark fabrics. I do appreciate the discussion and reading all the comments, fantastic!
LOL I actually like 9021 because it reminds me of a RTW superhero costume..
I don’t know if it’s possible to make looking at patterns any more entertaining than this. Thank you!
Lauren, first of all….YOU are so funny! I’ve been a subscriber for a minute and you don’t look like you’d say some of the things that you write. But, I’ve always gotten that comment for myself, lol. Your Vogue roundup post was so RIGHT! I mean WTF! With the “high-ass” price of patterns……even with a major discount…..that was RIDICULOUS! And I’ve been sewing for while over 30 years. Girl, always stay true to who YOU are!
Seems like they were trying to recreate the dior 2013 fall designs in some of the patterns.
http://www.style.com/fashionshows/complete/slideshow/F2013RTW-CDIOR/#30
9040 could be nice with a lot of tweaking to make it look less pilgrim nurse-ish.
I think the whole collection is ridiculous – worn out designs that they didn’t even bother to style well. More than a few are downright insulting! like we would sew that stuff. I think even the skinny pants are a remake of at least two patterns from Vogue last year. Funniest patterns: the cuff on the pants and the whip cream coat.
Enjoyed this review, as always! Dear Vogue: If only you could provide more patterns for WEARABLE garments with a sophisticated cut and a few interesting, understated details–clothes I can wear for several years to justify the time and money invested in sewing them–clothes that make me feel well dressed and are a few steps above something I could get at the mall . Too often the patterns are bizarre enough to be unwearable. (We’re not all 5’11”, 130 lbs, and living in Manhattan!) I don’t know about anyone else, but it’s unlikely I’ll be swanning through the grocery store after work in a tank dress with giant triangular pocket things sailing from my hips or a huge ruffled peplum bouncing off my backside. And aren’t handkerchief hems over? On the plus side: Love that so many dresses are lined. Negative: Why aren’t finished measurements provided on the back of the pattern envelope any more? PLEASE consider putting them back! Thanks! (P.S. Love your magazine.)
Luisa, duly noted. We’ve also returned to putting measurements on the envelopes. And glad you like the magazine!
You’re hilarious. 9018 is the worst. There is no way that would look good on anyone. It’s the unsexy librarian. I kinda like 1410. I hope oonabaloona makes it!
I guess what I don’t understand is where are we expect to wear cloths like that? I loved Vogue’s summer stuff and had thought they had maybe made a turn for the better, but this is ALL. BAD. I wouldn’t make/wear any of it. Nothing. Who are they designing for? Who is there target audience? Not me…
Holy shit I am crying after reading this I laughed so hard. I showed it to my friend who knows absolutely nothing about sewing or fashion and it got him crying too. Then we just rolled around with laughter as we re-read the post. And I get to have a new favorite meme too!
I was having a really annoying day, but when I opened up my blog reader and saw there was a Vogue review, I knew it was going to get better. That cuff on 9035 made me want to cry. It really looks like a home alteration project gone wrong. I think the shape of 1404 is too exaggerated for me, but I love that topstitched hem, so I might pick it up and make the shape a little less dramatic. I’m really curious to see how they guide you in making the topstitched pattern.
OMG you are more entertaining than Netflix! I love the comment about vagina butt, so right you are. Vogue 1414 is actually a nursing top.
I actully love V9021, and it’s pretty similar to a top I’m wearing today which gets heaps of compliments. Hopefully it’s not too difficult to figure out from a plain bodice and pencil skirt.
So funny! I actually agreed with all your comments!
FAB round- up: insightful and humorous.
Enjoyed your reviews, as always!
I think the 2nd little girl’s coat reminds me of the Samantha American Girl doll. I used to drool over those catalogs, but my parents were NEVER going to spend that much money on one doll.
You’re so right! Samantha ruleeeeed (and don’t be mad, but I totally had her. I still do – she’s in my parent’s attic haha)!
My Aunt worked at American girl pretty much from the beginning of the company (and my mom works there now), but I was a Kirsten girl myself (got her the first year AG dolls were in production!).
Though, when I got a little older I always secretly thought that Samantha was way cooler. (don’t tell Kirsten, who is languishing in my childhood bedroom closet).
DAMN YOU! I wanted that doll so bad!
Yes! I thought it looked familiar. I had a friend growing up who had a coat like this, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t from the American Girl “dress like your doll” clothes collection.
Thank you! I totally needed cheering up after an awful day at work. Snarkiness RULES!
What is it with you and vaginas ? Last lot of vogue patterns there was a jacket with a vagina neck/ collar . Really ladybird while I did smile at this post the vagina thing is just a bit weird!!!
It’s just a cheap shot for my 12 year old sense of humor 🙂 if there were more phallic things in these collections, you best believe id be making weiner jokes too 🙂 haha. Sorry if you think it’s weird! I’m just immature!
It’s weirder that the seams aren’t pressed before pictures are taken.
Of course it’s weird, but it’s also kind of expected at this point haha 🙂
LOL! Agree with the possible hits and definitely with the misses. Excellent post, made my day! 😀
Love your review, but I also love many of the Vogue patterns! I reckon that it is great that there is so much variety in this collection – and I love the Marcy Tilton and other “art teacher” styles, so that is great for me. Good on Vogue for providing us with variety (and the opportunity to snark at the ones that don’t match our personal style).
I LOVE that there is so much variety! Don’t care for most of the styles, but that doesn’t mean that other people won’t like them 🙂
Poor old Vogue! They’ve got to keep a few boring basics in their catalog always, for beginner stitchers and for those “bless their hearts” who either have no imagination or who have settled in to what they want to sew and will never try anything new. They’ve also got to keep quirky, artsy-fartsy stuff that Women of a Certain Age will make and wear, for us Women of a Certain Age (guilty as charged). The current swirling vortex of fashion design trends means that editors have to sit in the middle of the room, throw a bunch of drawings at the wall, and go with what sticks. That said, I applaud your brutal honesty and clever wordsmithing with this post. The grey plaid jumper? I think I wore some iteration of that every day in the late 80s-early 90s, as an easy alternative to a suit when I was a part-timer on the information desk at a public library. It’s just as practical, reliable, and frumpy now as it was then. Thank you, Vogue, for catering to the frumps among us. We’re people too, lol.
1408 is pretty much the only one I think looks halfway decent, but as usual, bad vogue is good news because I was howling over your comments. Also, lemme just go ahead and save that scofflaw toad and Nixon v. Sabertooth for future internet use….UHmazing….
OMG I saw the email in my inbox the other day for the Vogue patterns fall release and immediately hoped you’d post this ASAP, I’m so glad you did the laugh I got from this was the best I had all week! Thanks love!
…(though I have to say the 1411 leggings are awesome, but that’s about it)
Hahaha 1413 has to be the worst 😀 love these posts from you!
Since Vogue is monitoring this thread, I would also add that they used to always include in their pattern descriptions the terms very fitted, fitted, semi-fitted, loose or very loose, which all had specific meanings relating to how much ease was included in the pattern, which was a good indicator of the fit that a person could expect in the final product. I think the definitions for these terms are still included online/in their catalog, but the terms are not always used in their pattern descriptions. Would love to see more use of these terms again, as I found them helpful, but I know there are space limitations.
Also, Since McCalls purchased the Kwik Sew brand, let me say that, while it may date me, I have loved the Kwik Sew brand for fit for years. Granted, their styling became pretty dowdy by the end of their indi run, but I would think there’s lots of institutional knowledge in the intellectual property you have there as far as the cut and fit of knits. (I say this because someone else mentioned activewear.) I would love to see similar fit in the Butterick/McCalls/Vogue knit patterns because, as many have noted, the Big 4 brands tend to run very large for knits.
I have enjoyed sewing with the Big 4 patterns for years, and continue to do so. While I might not love every pattern that comes out, I do love the variety that is available and the pretty amazing pricing they maintain. I don’t think I would make that Guy Laroche pattern in purple – ever, but I am inexplicably drawn to the cut of those sleeves. Maybe cutting it longer and converting to a front opening to make what could be a pretty spectacular robe.
this is where they drew their sinspiration (because those shirts are a sin)
white – http://www.sitcomsonline.com/boards/attachment.php?attachmentid=161621&stc=1&d=1283824012
purple – http://static3.businessinsider.com/image/521377b1eab8ea6a77000019-800-/screen%20shot%202013-08-20%20at%2010.03.53%20am.png
you’re welcome
I did enjoy that yellow dress. the attention to detail was pretty awesome.
and those pants that look like yoga pants but are not. AHHH!!! MUST HAVE
hahahahahahaha omg
Because I must play devils advocate, I was thinking something more like this as inspiration for the sleeves:
http://mptvimages.com/photo_detail#0716_1277
http://mptvimages.com/photo_detail#0716_1232
http://mptvimages.com/photo_detail#0716_1187
http://mptvimages.com/photo_detail#0716_0928
Who knew sleeves could be the source of so much controversy? Personally, I have never been fond of pussy-cat bows. What’s the consensus on that?
Why must you come here speaking your common sense and showing pictures of glamorous 30s styles? 🙂
And yet, lets face it – as glamorous as feather sleeves may be on Jean Harlow, if Vogue Patterns were to publish a pattern with such a feature, we would all fall down laughing. Context is everything, which is why Vogue does need to pay attention to the styling of their patterns.
Hilarious!!!! You are awesome. Just sayin. Oh my gosh! Why???? And Vogue patterns are so expensive….
That really cheered me up on this rainy morning, you’re hilarious. Most of those patterns are awful, only nice one are the tight trousers.
Thanks so much, I haven’t had so much fun at breakfast ….ever!!
Good grief. Where did Vogue go wrong, and who is responsible? Their patterns have been crapulous for years now. And they used to be the paragon – at least of the big 4, which is pretty much all we had to choose from back in the day (like when I was in my teens, learning to sew, and gazing longingly at $20 Vogue patterns!).
This post was the best! I can’t believe Vogue patterns is actually alive and posting responses! It’s craziness & awesome.
your vogue posts are so funny.keep it up. v1411 is awesome though
Your commentary is absolutely brilliant!!!… Friggen hilarious and so true!… I sometimes wonder the same thing about patterns and ask myself “what crack are they smoking?”… But I’m sure there is someone out there who will think otherwise.. 😂
WOW. This is fantastic. This is what I love about this age of the internet—companies able to get some feedback and helpful interaction! Loved your post—I agree. I would love to see more vintage reissues from the 60’s. A-lines with cool seaming details. I just ordered one off of Etsy that has princess seams that curve all the way down and turn into pockets on the front side. Super elegant, simple, CUTE AS HELL!!! Thanks Lauren, and thanks Vogue…y’all rock.
you had me at “vagina butt” 😉
the only one i would consider WEARING let alone sewing is 9043 and it’s for a child soooooooo….
like if i didn’t know better and someone asked me what year these photos were taken . . . let’s just say the answer would not be 2014. not that i think their patterns should scream 2014— I just think more classic/timeless when i think ‘vogue” but after reading this i’m not sure why, ha!
Yep. These suck.
I have the same complaint as with the Spring offering:
Too many weird seams and details to the point of laughable looking costumes (maybe they are trying to appeal to Gaga?
Too damned much fabric. Too many freaking ruffles and frou-frou crap. Not gonna fly for work, weekend or evening on my planet – unless you make a living looking like your are in the midst of some kind of mental crisis.
But like the Spring collection I have one exception that I do like (in theory): 1414.
But now that I read “nursing top”, I can’t un-see it. Maybe I have been “talked down” on this one. Thank you interwebs unintentional intervention.
@McCallPatternCompany:
My snarky acerbic personal taste aside:
I quit you because of the issues Shams met with you about (and spam).
Have you addressed your pattern drafting and instruction sheet QA/QC issues yet so I can rejoin Club BMV?
I have tears coming down my face as I read your take on the new season of Vogue. Too freaking funny!!!!
Omg, I thought I was the only one that received the latest vogue patterns magazine and was crestfallen at the newest patterns! I love using vogue for the little extra touches in the construction process that help me feel really good about a finished garment and wearing it! Vogue, since you seem to be listening, here is my recommendation (for all it’s worth!) please, please, pretty please spice up your vogue line with better photos and snazzier drawings. Some of those classic patterns are lovely and timeless but don’t get a lot of blog space because they look boring!
Thanks for listening!
Sue 😉
I hope they never stop creating stuff like this…I love reading your posts as they totally crack me up….
Hahahaha – you rocked it Lladybird! There werer loads that I liked in the collection, btI liked your post even more. Keep us laughin’, girl!!!
For some reason when you said to take a look at her bun, I looked at her butt and noticed that her jeans seam wasn’t centred or is she standing funny, I don’t know. Take a look maybe I’m wrong.
I have to admit I really like the long version of 1410, but I think it’s one of those designs that you have to have the right body shape for, or you end up looking really dumpy.
Thanks for the summary! I couldn’t get past the purple people eater homage to the 90s. I think I made that very blouse in a similar electric gold. Whew!
Oh Lauren you are sooo funny, this literally made my morning!
But you’re absolutely right about the pattern designs and styling I think they need to do more things that are current and stop recycling their patterns. I do however love the little girls coat it is so adorable. Other than that Vogue needs to step up their game
What the what! I have a new found respect for BMV. I love that you’re listening to customers and responding. Now if only you would update your sloper to reflect 2014 and not 1914.
Thanks lladybird for cracking me up. This was hi-larioius and spot on.
I actually like 9035, both the jacket and the pants. There’s something kind of cheeky and fun about both pieces. I’ve been dying to try something like 1410, too, but I really fear a midi length, so I’m not sure I’ll do it.
Also, I really wanna wear the seamed pants, but I’m too lazy to sew them… hmm…
The saber tooth tiger is haunting me since I read your post. I cannot look at the dress without seeing that creature. i was starting to like the dress, but now…
I must say that I did like 1413 at first glance but the back, particularly on the longsleeved version is way too pierrot for me. I did however order 1405,7,8,19, so all in all I think I do like this collection more than several previous ones.
Oh god, Richard Nixon and the Sabre Tooth Tiger – I just lost it at my desk in the office.
YoU are fantastic!!! Love your sense of humor and fashion
Can’t say I agree with a lot of your ‘criticism’s: these patterns may not appeal to you, but do realize your particular taste does not mean they have no merit for others. It just begins to sound a lot like high school mean girls ( you know: the ‘you must be stupid if you like something I don’t’); yes dear; that IS the effect. Criticisms that are well thought out do not require ‘trashing’.
The whole point of this post is my personal opinion. It’s totally fine if you like these patterns. It’s also totally fine if I don’t 🙂 Personal opinion and taste go both ways, you know 🙂
Do you know of anyone who has actually sewn 1406? I am in the middle of it now and it is a nightmare.