Oh my god, you guys – Vogue just released their newest line of sewing patterns! It’s like Christmas in July today!!!
Unfortunately, the new line-up isn’t really fit for snark. The designs are inoffensive, rather plain honestly. *YAWN*
So instead, we’re going to make fun of the pictures! Because they are hilarious . Also there is a mysterious window.
Vogue 1316
That kind of side eye comes from someone who has been hurt before.
Vogue 1313
I’m curious as to why they decided the perfect moment to take the picture was also the exact moment the model fell directly on her ass.
Vogue 1317
Lurks McGee
Vogue 1321
Incognito McGee
Vogue 1320
Invisible Chair.
Vogue 1312
Oh, God… I can’t even… is she popping a squat? WHO DECIDED ON THE POSES FOR THESE PICTURES?
Vogue 1324
“Don’t go… it’s… it’s not safe out there.”
Vogue 1325
“Ok, hon, it looks like you’re a little too tall for the frame. Do you mind crouching down a little? I need to get those killer Payless shoes in the picture as well. There. That’s good, that’ll work. You’re a natural, doll.”
In all seriousness, that 1325 suit is pretty fucking cute:
Vogue 1318
I would love to make some type of snarky comment implying that the fan is necessary when you are wearing a stank-inducing vest made of plastic alligator skin but I think the picture speaks for itself.
Vogue 8832
For the gay pirate in all of us.
Vogue 8844
Or, if you’re a shriner, we’ve got you covered on that end too
Vogue 1322
I need someone to explain this garment to me because I’m not entirely sure what I’m looking at. Is it… a suit jacket with no arms that has magically expanded into a cape?
Vogue 8843
I just love the randumb giant leaf they chose to include in all that handbag pictures.
Vogue 8829
A prime example of a tragic fabric choice. This pattern is actually super cute; it’s just impossible to see past the shiny on the envelope picture.
Vogue 1315
This one was my favorite, which is why I saved it for last. She looks like she’s creeping around a doorway and I spent about 10 minutes laughing at when I first saw it.
It is basically Christmas today, so I suppose I owe y’all a gift of some sorts:
I hope you like it.
LLADYBIRD 
I saw this yesterday and I laughed and laughed. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thought these photos SUCKED!! lol
Thanks for the laughs – my JOB is BORING
Merry Christmas in July! Thank you for the gift, I loved it. I liked several of the dresses lie that color blocked one, the red CRR and the green shirtdress. I actually just bought two matching fabrics that are the reverse one of the other and that will be PERFECT for it.
LOL! You’re spot on like always! The styling of these pictures is horrible! I feel like they could hire me and I’d do a better job just doing normal poses. heh
You’re right. The poses are pretty bizarre! There are some in the collection I love though. The satin shirt dress definitely in a different fabric. I love the beige shawl collar coat – I think it’s classy looking. V1317 The red dress I love – has a kind of Asian flair to it. 8826 Maxi Dress is very retro which I love and would wear. Also 8827 maxi I’m loving. Love 8835 the neon wrap skirt with everything else in black – love me some neon :-D. 8836 the wide leg red pants I really want. 8841 the long black coat with the red fur collar I would love to make and wear. I was pretty excited to see the new collection this morning. I’ll be curious to see if you make anything from it. Love your sewing by the way 🙂
Yeah, a lot of the pieces in the collection are actually really great. 1317 is REALLY pretty but I think that deep neck slit would look awful on my body shape haha. I also really love the wrap shirt 8833, I will definitely be making that when I’m not on such a strict budget 🙂
Gah, these patterns left me completely cold…they’re so dull and boring. The styling and posing is hilarious…why?!? I agree with you that the suit and green dress have the most potential, but they are hindered by the fabric and colour choices…silly Vogue people! Thanks for the entertaining post though ;o)
8832 looks like a graduation gown re-fashion…
Hahahahahahahaha this post has so just made a dull day interesting! Thanks Lauren! Though seriously…. what are vogue thinking getting the models to pose like this?
ROTFL!!! I love sewing humor! And I totally agree, what the hell were they thinking with this photoshoot!?
That being said, I am disappointed that there’s no new Vintage Vogue patterns. Oh, well. Like I need more sewing patterns. 😉
Agreed– I laughed my ass off when I saw the lookbook! Every other pose is AMAZING!
Hahaha, you crack me up with the captions
Ignore the black window frame – the models are godzilla taking over the city!
Also, is there a pattern for the large leaf accessory included with the handbag? Because that’s a must-have for fall. =)
Thank you for the laugh!
You left out my favorite, though!
V8841 – 90’s Goth Cruella Deville!
http://voguepatterns.mccall.com/v1319-products-27092.php?page_id=174
V1319 – No shape + shiny leopard print trim + ??? = PROFIT
http://voguepatterns.mccall.com/v8834-products-27109.php?page_id=174
V8834 – Who is this marketed towards anyway? The baby-pink and the striped shirting suggest soccer-mom while the make-up suggest Courtney Love
V8834 looks like a soccer mom who wants to bolt from her marriage. Something in her eyes looks a little… sad and defensive.
I love your snark! Seriously. Most sewing blogs I follow don’t swear and it makes me uncomfortable, that is why I enjoy this one. Your pattern picture reviews are hilarious!
I have no idea who looks at these pictures and says “That one where she looks like she’s taking a crap–that’s the one that’s going to sell this pattern!” I do like the red dress, not that I’d ever make it/wear it, and the shiny shirtdress is kind of cute, but I almost am scared it could easily morph into little house on the prairie….
I KNOW! These poses are awful. Listen, Vogue, I need to see how the clothes are hanging on people without them doing all these freaky-deaky poses – I’m not going to buy your patterns unless I plan on posing with a big damn window.
With that said, I totally bought some of their patterns because I live by a big damn window and fully plan on recreating these poses. And the patterns were only $2.96 with my BMV discount since they released them without ending their sale first. WINNING. I’m thinking I am going to make 8829 first – tres work appropriate, but not in a shiny fabric – I don’t want to call attention to myself in HR.
Actually to add insult to injury for Vogue, I believe this photoshoot is knock-off styling (window in the back) of a recent fashion campaign. I know that I have seen it either as a print add for a designer or an editorial spread. Gosh, now that’s going to drive me crazy the rest of the day now. Glad to see that they are making use of their office view.
Seems like I remember Harper’s Bazaar doing a skyscraper-top cover and editorial spread a few years ago.
I’m sure they must know you’ll be reviewing these pictures and they say let’s give these ones to Lladybird! So funny!
I had just asked another blogger to do something similar. THANK YOU! I was LOL’ing at my desk!
I thought these pics were ridiculous too! Glad I am not the only one =)
I saw these last night and could not believe the poses! They just keep getting weirder and weirder… plus the backdrops – I don’t know what they’re thinking, but its certainly entertaining. I knew I could count on you for a pattern-by-pattern analysis.
To think that people get paid for this. The photographer, the model, the stylist, the person who sewed the outfit, the people who drafted the patterns—-would it hurt to open their eyes and realize that their way off base when it comes to the appeal of this crap? I’m so turned off by every single one of their fall offerings!
TY, Lauren, for the hilarity!!!
Vogue started with the horrid posing on their Summer release, and i was SOOOOOOO offended by the ghastly poses that i wrote to Vogue about it, all in a dudgeon (whatever the heck a dudgeon is). I basically said the EXACT same thing that Meg commented on: “Listen, Vogue, I need to see how the clothes are hanging on people without them doing all these freaky-deaky poses.”
But, who woulda thunk it??? The Powers-That-Be at Vogue didn’t even deem my email worthy of replying to!!!! I am “only” a consumer, after all, so why the heck so they care what I think????? DUH, Carole – STFU and go AWAY from us, is apparently what they thought. And now this newest collection is even WORSE with the poses!!! (I know they did it again, deliberately, just to get on MY nerves. Since I’m so important and all, ya know. *snerk*)
I’ve never commented before, but have been lurking for awhile now. This post was one I simply had to comment on, though – Heeheehee!!!!!
I have been in a horrible mood for a week now and this post made me laugh my ass off!! Thank you! I have been following you for awhile now but never commented. You are so unbelievably talented and you have made me feel the excitement of sewing again for the first time in a really long time, thank you! I will be saving this post so I can read it every time I need a pick me up! Thanks!! 🙂
Oh, mass LOLs! “Boxing Helena” came to mind …like you say, they’re all too tall for the frame. But didn’t you just marvel at the muscle control they must have being able to hold those poses?! Respecting their thighs! Must be 1312 that had me laughing the most in anticipation of the comments that could be made ….
Let me just say… that blue pirate shirt: http://www.victoriousrobes.com/open/baptismal125.jpg Inspired much?
I totally Lol’ed at your comments. Pretty spot on. What on earth are Vogue thinking from start to finish? There’s some seriously hideous fabric choices, it’s like looking at a copy of Burda magazine!
Zoe xx
oh your captions are fantastic! I love lurks mcgee and invisble chair. Seriously? What were they thinking!
VOGUE U R TRAGIC
Heeey, the poses are stupid, but they got you talking, right? lol
Haha, I see what you did there 🙂
Vogue 1312 is my favorite! She looks like she is ready to pop out a baby under that dress. And there is enough fabric for privacy!
Vogue 8832: Oh my God, it’s The Puffy Shirt!
Wow… Just… Wow… I mean… When I think of all the work, all the drafting, all the cutting, all the effort that went into making such a craptacular collection, it boggles my mind…
lol, when I saw your blog post headline, I got so excited for the snark! Vogue makes me crack up every time. You are the best for putting these on your blog! Haha 🙂
As I scrolled down on the gay pirate shirt, I thought it looked like a graduation gown!
Boy-o-boy, did you sum it up well; I wouldn’t have been so charitable! I don’t know what’s up with Vogue this last while; the last 3 mags haven’t had a thing I have found even remotely interesting; Looks like they fired that talented Latino designer of theirs, the cute guy with the crew cut, and hired some lame-os to take his place!
But i have noticed that fashion in general seems to be lacking in inspiration this last while,; everything is derivative and copycat and thrown together with no regard for aethetics or attractiveness or anything at all..I figure when things that used to earn you a black bar across your eyes now have been declared ‘chic” and ‘the latest thing” it’s a pretty fair assumption that absolutely everybody in the fashion world has run out of steam! This thing with Vogue is simply reflecting that malaise!
I am shocked at Vogue designs, are we back to the 70s and no one told me? I do like The 1317 pattern (may have to get rid of that bow though)… And the poses, special….
Good grief, it’s too hard to look at the clothes with those ridiculous poses! Vogue 1325 is just poor posture.
Has Vogue lost their mojo? I used thunk they produced well drafted, interesting patterns. Yet there is less and less to interest me.
I wish they would get back to DESIGNING awesome well structured pieces rather than trying to ‘High fashion’ style dead ordinary ones.
If Vogue is having so much trouble fitting its models into the frame, why don’t they just hire shorter women instead of having them double over? I do look forward to your seasonal vogue reviews. ahhhh, snark.
Hahaha! Yes – those pictures are AWFUL! So many awkward window poses…I was pleased at least that some of the new patterns were at least wearable – minus the weird suit/cape hybrid, the unfortunate pants full o’shit, and the gay pirate blouse – but I suppose everyone’s got their limits….
baaahahaha. They need… something. Thanks for the low-down.
LOL thanks for the laugh!
lol. Yeah, the poses are beyond rediculous! However, I am madly in love with a very large portion of this collection. My shopping cart is well over $200… they need to hurry up and have onther sale so I can buy buy buy!
Im laughing my ass off over here at your take on this. So true! Do you think they found a great window but hired a too-tall model so they had to come up with these insane poses to make her fit?!! By the way, in Vogue 1313, i noticed the reflection of the photographers tripod (right above her foot) and now thats all I can see in all the shots. It looks like a seriously bad photoshoot all round!!
OH GOD NOW THAT’S ALL I CAN SEE TOO HAHAHAHA
Your comments on these photos has me in stitches! They must pose like this just for our amusement. Geesh!
Hilarious! I think “randumb” is my new favorite word!
OMG! You need a “Put down your coffee cup before you read this” warning on this one! It was so funny I nearly spilled my coffee but quickly was able to set it down before falling off my chair laughing! Thanks for the morning laugh and fashion report!
LOL, the styling looks like Burda World of Fashion warmed over. But not as good.
Just stumbled across this — I had pretty much the exact same reactions to most of these. Why are their models so horribly contorted? WHAT IS VOGUE 1322?
OH
MY
GOSH…
These are HILARIOUS… and your commentary had me snickering out loud in the office; thanks for that – totally worth the sideways odd glances from the coworkers! LOL (see the first model for a visual on that)
What are they THINKING?? These poses are so bizarre, how can anyone notice the clothing?? Seriously, in saying that I actually had to go back and look at the clothing cause I swear I barely saw it LOL.
That suit IS great… as is the red dress, but what is UP with that long faux plastic alligator vest thing, and the giant leaf??? I’m speechless…. LOL.
love the gif gift! and hilarious commentary! my goodness that squat. well who gets in that position in what appears to be a velveteen evening dress? good stuff. maybe the photog was doing double duty for a bladder control commercial… might explain a lot, actually…
in all seriousness, they seem to be in lower manhattan. how sad that was the best they could do! poor lipstick choice as well in my opinion.
Oh my goodness. I officially LOVE you. I’ve just discovered your blog and I’ve been cracking up on pretty much every post. My best friend is on her mission (she’s mormon) right now and you made me miss her all the more! We make fun of vogue images on a weekly basis. I even chopped out some from their new look book and mailed them to her. I’m going to show her this link when she gets back!
Thanks for making my day!
Lydia