As much as sewing is my very first love, I’m really glad that I learned how to knit. The repetition is extremely therapeutic when I’m stressed and need to calm down – on me, it has almost the same effect as doing an hour of yoga. It’s very meditative, giving me something to focus on with my hands while allowing my mind to quiet down. Even just sneaking in a couple of rounds at opportune times – before I’m rushing out the door, while I’m sitting in my car in the parking lot trying to work up some nerve to go inside (tbh, usually because I’m about to walk into a first date, ughh), at the end of the night after a class when I’m having trouble turning my brain off. I’m not a crazy enough knitter to where I can manage it during a walk (yet!), but I do drag my little Field Bag with me everywhere, because you never know when you need to bust out those needles for a moment of zen. Really, the only place I’ve found so far that you can’t take your needles is in a courthouse (that was a sad moment for me – literally, I shed a tear when they told me I had to put my project + needles back in my car… at least they didn’t make me throw it away!).
Socks are my #1 project of choice for de-stress knitting, as they are small enough to carry around and work on somewhat discreetly. I love knitting sweaters, but they get large and unwieldy quite quickly and they tend to require multiple balls of yarn to complete. Socks are a lot easier when it comes to portability. I’ve mentioned this before, but I try find the local yarn store with each new city that I visit, and pick up a skein of sock yarn as my souvenir. Sometimes it’s from a local yarn dyer (the best!), sometimes it’s something I can’t find here in Nashville, and sometimes it’s just something pretty that reminds me of the city I’m in.
My latest sock project is the Sea Wall Socks pattern from Tin Can Knits, which was offered for free last year as their 12 Days of Christmas celebration. I actually don’t mind paying for knitting patterns – seriously, people who complain about a $5 pattern drive me mad – but I extra extra don’t mind free patterns 😉 I love the interesting cables on this pattern and I think it looks especially nice with a variegated yarn. I knit a size 6 using size 0 needles with sock weight yarn.
Speaking of sock yarn, isn’t this one super pretty? I bought at Gather Here last year, while I was visiting Jenny in Boston after my retreat at A Gathering of Stitches in Portland (which I just realized was almost exactly a year ago from this posting, wow!). This is my Boston yarn (ok, Cambridge – whatever.). The yarn is Knittink, which I can’t seem to find any info about online but they had a ton of it in the store! The colorway is actually called “Unicorn Snuggles,” which is admittedly a big part of the reason why I chose it 🙂 There are sparkly silver threads running throughout, and the yarn is extremely soft and easy to work with. I had such a wonderful week up in New England last year, and I think about it every time I look at this yarn. I love that.
I knit these socks as instructed by the pattern, however, I did not block them after knitting as you can probably tell. In the past, I have dutifully blocked all my socks after they were finished (using sock blockers and everything)- but I really don’t like the way the yarn feels after blocking. The fibers tend to relax, the stitches flatten and spread, and then the socks just feel loose on my feet and don’t stay up. So now, I don’t block them at all. To wash, they get a cold wash in the machine (along with the rest of my clothes) and thrown right in the dryer. I’m sure some people hand wash their socks, but not me. Not anymore. Yolo, etc.
Anyway, this post isn’t really about the socks. I’ve been absent the past couple weeks for a few reasons – first, I was in Rhode Island for work (which was WONDERFUL – seriously, I could not have asked for a better week). I came home on Labor Day, and then on Wednesday, my dad had to go to the ER with a bout of pneumonia. Long story short, he was admitted to the ICU that night due to several problems, and he’s been on a ventilator since Saturday morning. For those who don’t know, my dad was diagnosed with cancer almost exactly 3 years ago, and so while this shouldn’t be a surprise – it’s still a big, huge shock. My entire family is basically living at the hospital at this point, and while I’m so grateful for their support, it’s been really scary and just downright shitty. I don’t know what is going to happen, as we are just stuck in this awful limbo state of waiting.
I wasn’t planning to write about any of this – I felt like it was too personal and sad for an otherwise pretty fluffy blog. And posting finished projects seems downright silly and trite when you’re dealing with much bigger issues at hand. However, I’ve started getting emails from people wondering why I haven’t posted in 2 weeks, and while I don’t think I owe anyone any sort of explanation about my personal life – it doesn’t seem right to just ignore this, since it’s impacting me pretty hard. Also, I really need this escape. My entire week has revolved about a hospital at this point, and it’s downright depressing.
Anyway, I’m not trying to turn this into a sob story/woe is me sort of post – yes, everything is real shitty right now, I won’t deny that – this is just currently what we are dealing with at the moment. My dad is fighting the fight of his life right now, but I know that he lived his life exactly the way he wanted to, and he has 0 regrets for anything. After his first bout of chemo, he swore it off completely and has been treating himself holistically, which has really made him feel incredible this past year. He actually ran 55 miles the weekend before he went to the hospital, right after tearing up a bunch of carpet and laying new hardwood floors. I look up to him in so many ways, and could not have asked for a better role model – he’s taught me so much about life and love, and this year especially has really strengthened the bond we have. I have a lot to be thankful for, which is what I am choosing to focus on right now.
Positive thoughts and prayers for all of us are appreciated. Much love to all of you ♥
LLADYBIRD 
Prayers from here. Love you.
Sending much love! xx
Sending love to you and your family!
Sent from my iPhone
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I’ve been there and know how difficult it can be. He’s your Daddy, for heaven sake. We are never prepared for this and my heart goes out to you, sweetheart. Many, who read your blog, feel like they know you. Please know, you are an amazingly talented young woman. We enjoy your posts and feel your pain. We are all behind you, sending strength and love! The socks are beautiful. I have never attempted socks, and am thinking that could be a mistake. I am 68 years old and, darling, you inspire me!
Everything beakie just wrote, I echo the same. I’ll keep thinking of you and your family. Prayer button is on.
Sending your dad, you and all your family positive thoughts
And much love back to you and yours.
So sorry to hear about your dad! He sounds like a wonderful person, and I’m glad you have such a great relationship. Peace to you in these difficult days.
Love and prayers for your Dad and family. I also knit so love to read about your knitting adventures.
I’ve been there too, Lauren. Terribly sorry. Be with your familly, try to stay positive, take good care of each other. My heart is with you. Knitting and sewing will help you, and those socks are gorgeous! I am totally copying that colours! XXX
Cancer sucks! 😦 My Dad has been dealing with it for about 3 years as well and I know how much it sucks basically living in hospital waiting rooms (and how comforting knitting in said waiting rooms can be). As hard as it is remember to take care of yourself too, while you’re there for your Dad. I’ll keep you, your Dad & your family in my thoughts. Much love ❤
I understand the worry and the feeling of being in a helpless paused state while a loved one is in hospital, sending virtual hugs.
Beautiful socks and beautiful thoughts about your Dad. Hugs
I think everyone appreciates that you shared your “shitty” time with us. We all have those times, and it is comforting to know that you have friends in cyber space that truly care about you. My prayers for your Dad. It is a hard situation – that limbo. Keep smiling, and believe me, we forgive you if you miss some more time. We understand. Love the socks by the way!
*hugs*
He sounds like a great dad and a big fighter so here’s holding thumbs for him and all your family.
Praying for your dad and all of your family.
Dear Lauren, I do hope that your dad will win his fight against this awful disease. As you desribe him, he’s a strong person and this will definitely help him. My dad was diagnosed with an advanced cancer 5 years ago and after enduring a one-year chemio treatment, he started to feel better. Unfortunately his cancer reappeared this summer and we’ve been going through a difficult time too. I’m sending you all my prayers and thanks for sharing this sad experience with us. It may sound silly but it helps me to think that I’m not the only one who has been going through such a difficult time.
Thinking of you – Socks are a perfect project during difficult times…
Dear Lauren,
I have followed your blog for quite a while and love your projects and posts and spirit. I am an oncology nurse so I have a pretty good understanding of what you are all going through and I am so sorry but glad your dad had such a good year and that he got to live his life on his terms. Sending love and prayers to all of you for healing and comfort. He is lucky to have you for a daughter. Xo Julie
Many items have been knit/crocheted in hospitals or at bedsides. I’m sorry you’re in that club, but I’m glad you have that outlet.
Wishing you and your family strength
Your socks are awesome. I’m sorry to hear about your Dad. I ended up in ICU on a ventilator with pneumonia and sepsis, and my poor family really went through the mill. When he comes round, he will really appreciate all your support. But most of all, remember to also look after yourself x
You couldn’t have written nicer things about your dad. I am sure he is very proud of you. My dad died when I was 17, after a long illess and I couldn’t be there, which has haunted me ever since. Sending you love as you go through this very difficult time.
Love to you and your family. May you all be surrounded by loving nurses and doctors and housekeepers and secretaries…. Will a pair of your socks fit on Pop’s feet? After that good foot rub? Pace yourselves. Pneumonia can kick your ass, not matter what state your body is in. Make sure you are all eating good food, drinking plenty of water. And right on for your Dad taking responsibility to enjoy the time he has on this earth!!! Doing stuff he liked to do, taking care of business. Thanks for sharing, life is real and hearing real stuff is important for all of us. Prayers to be continued.
The pneumonia is really spreading like wildfire this year! And it’s been especially bad too, mom was in the hospital for it for a week, and she’s otherwise a healthy person. Just be careful, otherwise you’ll end up with it too–that’s what happened to me.
The socks are lovely, would you recommend them as a project to someone who has never picked up a knitting needle before? I need another hobby like I need a hole in my head, but…
You can absolutely knit socks as your first project if you want to. It involves a technique called knitting ‘in the round’ – which is literally knitting a seamless tube rather than knitting a thing that you then seam together, and then different shaping techniques to do the heel and toe. My personal advice would be to start with a hat knitted in the round, using bulkier yarn and needles, and then doing a pair of socks once you’ve got the techniques down. If you think of the hat as your practice piece before doing the thing you’re really interested in making. Sort of like making a little bag with a zip to practise zipper insertion, then making a dress with a zip closure.
Wishing you and your family strength.
sending you and your family positive thoughts. Thank you for sharing what’s been going on with you.
Sending lots of positive thoughts your way. My Dad had a triple heart bypass after a heart attack the week of his mum’s funeral last year, I know how rough it can feel to be waiting in hospital hallways for news. Take care of you and yours
Oh, Lauren — I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with all of you. You’re absolutely right that you don’t owe any of the details of your personal life, but I’m glad you shared so that we all can share our support in whatever way we can. And….another plus about sock knitting. It makes us look absolutely magical to those who watch us wielding those dpns! Love and prayers, Beth ❤
Lauren, I’m sending lots of prayers, thoughts and positive vibes in your family’s direction. I hope that you’re able to find some peace and comfort during this difficult time.
Sending prayers and love to your family,Lauren.
I hope you know that you never owe us an explanation. Ever. Thanks for sharing. Know that you have everyone here rooting for him! 🙂
I’m been thinking of you and your family – and dad – all week long and wishing for the best! Sending you some love & happy vibes from Chicago.
P.S. Knit socks are the best; I’m currently hooked on them myself!
So sorry to hear about your dad, I know how hard it is to watch a family member suffer through tough times. Hoping things improve! ❤️
So sorry to hear your news, it’s a nasty illness that holds no mercy. He sounds like a wonderful dad and man and my thought are with you all. Keep knitting and keep busy, try not to let your mind go down the negative routes. Lots of love you xx
My heart goes out to you and your family. Your dad sounds like an amazing man xx
Can’t tell you how much I understand, I lost my mom this past June and the pain is still searing. And the time before she passed away was its own special form of torture.
Well, the socks are as beautiful as the rest of your heart felt post. Your dad sounds like the kind of guy we’d all like to have in our life, a fabulous role model, support and friend. I’m sending you good thoughts and hope your knitting soothes you. your yarn is gorgeous and love the cable pattern.
I haunt several blogs just about daily, and yours is one of them. I was becoming increasingly concerned at the lack of posts. Thanks for sharing the reason behind this. How difficult! Praying for your Dad, you, and your family.
I am sorry to hear about your dad. He sounds like an amazing man with an amazing daughter. I’m sending healing and positive thoughts to you, your dad and your family.
Lauren I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad, know that my thoughts and prayers are with all of you at this time. It is so very difficult to be living in limbo and while you have to take each hour as it comes I’m glad you have your knitting with you.
I am knew your silence was because of your Dad. Just want to send some good vibes for you, your dad and the rest of your family! And may the outcome be for everybody happiness.
Lauren, I have been where you are. I know how very hard it it. Simply do what is best for you and your family during this time. Sewing, blogging etc are things you can return to but this time must be spent with your father. Keeping you in my prayers.
Prayers for your father! I am so very sorry he is going through this. When my mom had colon cancer, I spent most of my time during doctor visits knitting one thing or another. It is very therapeutic x
My thoughts are with you and your dad Lauren! He’s obviously a fighter so keep on thinking positively!!!
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Oh goodness! Warm thoughts and wishes to you and your family, and your dad.
Kia kaha from NZ XX
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Your wonderful father, you and the rest of your family are in my prayers.
I love that your dad lives with no regrets.
As a parent, I know I would be proud to have my child grow up into someone as adventuresome as yourself. I read your blog often enough to feel only minor discomfort commenting as a total stranger to let you know that people in the world you’ve never met care about you and your family’s wellbeing.
Your blog adds meaning to my life and your father and your family are in my thoughts.
Lots of love and positive vibes from London. Wishing all the best for you and your family x
Sending you and your family lots of love and positive thoughts Lauren x
Sending you and your family love and good thoughts. Knitting is a perfect way to spend time at the hospital. My family always throws in inappropriate humor to try to shock the nurses, but they’ve heard it all.
Thank you for sharing this with us. My thoughts and good wishes are with you all. Please keep posting your knitting – it is an island of sanity in what must be a pretty crazy world right now.
Lots of love and strength to you and your family from the other side of the world (vienna in austria)
XXX
Thinking of you and your family at this time and wishing you all the best. I too have been through something similar several times. xx
I’m praying for your dad, you and the rest of your family. It is a such a painful season to go through.
Sending you love and strength and healing thoughts for your dad. xo
Knitting socks seems like a good diversion while you “hurry up and wait ” at the hospital. Hang in there, we’re all thinking of you!
I’m so sorry to hear this about your dad. What an inspiring story of how he decided what was best for him and lived this last year on his terms and with gusto. No wonder you’re so proud of him. Prayers for your family. Losing a dad sucks, but having had a good one is very much worth celebrating. Hang in there 😢.
Sending good thought to you and your family! Thank you for sharing, sometimes it helps!
I went through this with my mom over fifteen years ago now. I was a lot younger then, and less acquatined with life, amd I wish someone had been there to tell me this: it is perfectly okay to talk about the illness of a loved one in a silly, fluffy space, and it is perfectly okay to post about cute projects during a very serious, heavy time.
Human minds are complex, and there is nothing wrong with letting incongruous feelings and subjects mix together. It is perfectly normal. Keep doing what you’re doing; staying in touch with your own complicated humanity during this time will be a comfort. My thoughts are with you, your Dad and your family.
Your dad sounds amazing. Sending warm thoughts your way.
Ahhh, Lauren, your dad and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Well said chickie.
I’ll be sending hugs & prayers your way.
Lots of love from Paris
Oh Lauren, you have my sympathies and all the good vibes I can send you and strength to your father. I lost my dad to cancer July 20th of this year, he didn’t survive his battle with the chemo, I wish he never even tried it. He was not nearly as strong as your father and certainly not running 1 mile let alone 55. I’m also getting divorced and I don’t think I am up for a first date ever again : ( Thank’s for sharing your life with us, it can’t be easy at times like these.
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad! I’m keeping your family in my thoughts and sending positive energy your way!
This is such a hard thing to go through, Lauren. Though I don’t knit, I can understand how it is therapeutic. Take all the time you need to be with your father and family, and forget blogging for a while. We’ll all be here when you’re ready to return. Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time 😉
Big hugs to you and your family.
Sending you and your family strength! Your dad sounds like a rock star, running and replacing carpet. I’m healthy and can’t even do that!
Thinking of you and your dad and sending you both lots of strength along with the rest of your family.
Sending healing thoughts your Dad’s way! It’s never an easy road, but with a supportive and loving family, it makes all the difference. 💕
Prayers, I just lost my dad last year to heart after him being healthy as a horse all his life, I have never made a pair of socks in my life. People can be insensitive when they dont understand what’s going on. I made many trips out of state last year that were necessary when dad got sick, we lived in different states and then we moved his wife in with my mom and I temporarily! Yes you read right, first and second in same house, and they get along, I hope that your dad is resting peacefully, your knitting needles are very productive and you can stay calmer than I did during these rough days ahead of you.
Sending love and healing energy. It sucks, can’t candy coat that but do what you need to get through. (Valium and ciggies in my case…)
I’m really glad you posted an update about your dad. I was going to email and ask since you last instagram update. I don’t really have much to add other than I’m thinking about you. I mean, I think about you more than I should think about someone I’ve never actually met on a regular basis 🤗. But, I am particularly thinking about you and your family at this time.
That’s really hard. Of course you don’t have to share, but it’s lovely that you feel you can. I imagine you have support from all over the world (I’m in London, UK)…! Good luck and don’t feel you have to post anything for a while; your family and your own needs definitely trump your blog readers (awesome and loyal though we are) xxxx
Sending warm wishes to you and your family X X
Praying for you and your family! ❤
Many prayers from a long time reader of your blog.
Keeping you in my thoughts! xoxo
Thinking good thoughts, and crossing all my appendages for a good outcome. ❤
So sorry to hear this news but glad you shared it with us. I will pray for you and your family.
Lauren, please don’t ever get to thinking that all you should post here is fluff and projects. You’re a human with complicated human life, and it’s OK for that to exist here even if it’s messy and awful. We’re not going to ask that you share every facet of your life with us, but we’re here to love and support you when shit gets tough.
I’m not the praying sort but I’m keeping you and your folks in my thoughts.
Love and squishes,
Niamh
So sorry to hear about your dad. Having cancer in the family sucks. Thinking of you and hoping things get better xx Elena
You and your family are all in my thoughts.
I hope that sharing has shown you how much support is out there for you as demonstrated from all the heart felt comments above . Thinking of you and your family .
The socks are beautiful and even better is they have been a calming distraction.
Lauren I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Your generosity in sharing what you’re going through will no doubt touch many readers, for there is no one gets out of this life without experiencing some measure of pain, heartache and loss. Thank goodness you have your calming knitting to keep you company. As a diehard knitter who dabbles in sewing, knitting has been my lifeline on many difficult occasions, particularly when calm and patience is called for. Sending comforting thoughts to you and yours! ~Robyn
Lauren, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you all lots of love xx
So sorry to hear what’s been going on. I truly understand how you feel and how difficult, stressful and sad it all is. I went through the same thing when my dad was diagnosed with leukemia. All the best to you and your family.
Prayers for sure.
Sending so much love your way ❤
My goodness, peace and love to you all! Knitting has gotten me through a lot. I’m sorry that you are going through this.
Thinking of you x
Sending love and warm healing wishes your way. I lost my mom to cancer earlier this year and still gasp with shock at times when I think of something I want to tell her and realize I can’t. If I could have a superpower, it would be to make sure nobody ever loses their parents.
sure hope things improve….many hugs for you & yours…