I consider Vogue pattern releases something of a holiday. In the past, it was a day filled with awe & delight, mental math & frantic list-making. In the present, it’s a day filled with lols and eyebrow raises. I can’t decide which one I like better, personally.
I’ll start with the patterns I actually like – yes, there are a few!
Vogue 1302
This looks pretty straightforward on the front, it’s the back that makes me swoon.
Bias-cut runching? SWOON.
Here’s the line drawing if you are having trouble tearing your eyes away from that lovely fabric.
Vogue 1303
Also loving this one, although it’s a little hard to see in the detail in that busy print.
Vogue 8807
Actually, I can’t tell if I like this pattern or if I’m just freaking out over the fabric. I think it’s just the fabric.
Vintage Vogue 8812
PERFECT little sunndress!
And the back! THE BACK.
Vogue 8814
All that bias & floaty makes this look like it would be really interesting to sew, and really fun to wear.
Note: There actually is a non-line drawing of this dress (aka with a live model) but the view they chose is totally hiddy so we’re just gonna stick with the line drawing.
Vogue 8804
I think it’s really awesome that Vogue has a classic Chanel jacket pattern *and* it’s a Claire Shaeffer pattern so it includes all the couture instructions that really(er, literally) make the jacket. I know this style of jacket isn’t for everyone – I personally wouldn’t wear it – but if I had the money to throw down, I would absolutely make one just for the experience.
Although, that styling is pretty lol.
… And that’ll do it for the pretty today.
Let’s get shit-talking!
Vogue 1301
This starts out kind of ok. A little overload with the patterns there, but there’s something sweet & hippie-esque about it that doesn’t bother me too much.
Until she puts on the matching… well, I think that’s a coat, anyway.
lolwut.
Vogue 1304
I know some people will disagree with me on this one (and I’m prepared to argue with you – I LOVE BICKERING), but this dress looks seriously uncomfortable and not at all flattering. There are way too many design elements going on here and the pleated bubble hem at the bottom looks like an afterthought.
Look at how she’s standing just to keep the back up. I’m really curious to see what a hot mess this translates to in the real world, to be honest.
Vogue 1305
It looks pretty dramatic/stunning in the pictures, until you realize what a silly dress this actually is. There is WAY too much going on here, with the assymetrical everything & all that runching. There’s also a giant slit in the back that goes all the way down to the model’s buttcrack. No, I’m not posting a picture. I don’t want that trash in my Flickr, thnx.
Vogue 1306
No, this one isn’t terrible – although I think twisted (and braided, for that matter) straps look really Becky Homecky – I just think the picture is hilarious. Classic Derp face.
Vogue 8806
Wow, those are ugly shoes.
Vogue 8809
That hem looks like she ran out of fabric to get a proper length, but tried to overcompensate when it came to butt coverage.
Vogue 8818
This is actually kind of pretty, but I’m including it anyway because it’s basically a gathered elastic waistband (or drawstring) skirt. I think it should be noted that Vogue patterns run on the expensive incline (and this one in particular is $22.50), so it baffles me that someone would buy a $20+ pattern for something they would essentially make as their very first sewing project in Home Ec.
Vogue 8821
Vogue is really loving the mullet-hems this season.
Vogue 8817
ANOTHER MULLET-HEM
Vogue 8813
Tragedy.
Vogue 1297
Here is a good example of nice fabric hiding a pattern fail.
It would appear that the pockets are actually extensions of the skirt that are pulled up with a drawstring. Just… why?
Oh, and let’s not forget the ugly purse patterns:
Vogue 1311
Koos van den Akker, you can’t fool me. Weird pattern clashing on a purse IS STILL UGLY.
Vogue 8823
On the plus side, if you carried this purse, there would be absolutely no question as to whether or not you made it.
But wait! I saved the best for last.
Vogue 1307
Oh boy. When this picture came up, I swear I thought Santa had sent me an early Christmas present. The shiny neon green animal print! The pleats! It’s like Hammer Pants for dummies!
I’m sorry, but the safest pair of Hammer Pants is no Hammer Pants at all.
Congratulations, Vogue 1307. You are officially the ugliest pattern in the bunch.
LLADYBIRD 
Words fail on the green leopard (I think that’s the animal in question) print. I concur on most of your likes and dislikes, although the sundress is too sweet. Maybe it’s the gloves that make me cringe …
Yeah, I think the fabric+styling are a little too saccharine for my tastes, but that dress could be SUPER cute in a different fabric.
too funny. who sews these things? also, why does the photographer/artistic director (?) insist on the “lift one leg” shot? They’re not even an action shots – just weird!
Lauren, I LOVE your pattern reviews. 1305 is the stupidest dress I’ve ever seen (who would make that in real life?) and 1306 perfectly combines weird un-natural posing with unflattering garment. Also mullet hems are just the sort of thing that normal people and men not in the fashion business just would not understand. You’d have to spend your whole time reassuring people that your outfit was really supposed to look like that.
Bravo Vogue (and you, for taking the piss so well).
Omg, YES! Thank you for all your posts on awful patterns and cover styling. Do they seriously not want to sell any of these? Is it some weird conspiracy by rival pattern companies?! If earplugs or sunglasses are required to look at the fabric, stop and try again!
I needed that laugh, wonderful timing.
1311 looks like they had 10 pin bowling balls was inspiration.
8818 I agree a simple skirt is not worth a $22 price tag. Should there be a soccer ball to explain what her leg is doing?
what I don’t get is why the hell Vogue have decided to take as many pictures as they can of their models standing on one leg. How often in your life do you stand around like that (and would you really want to try it anyway in those heels)? it makes it really hard to see what the item in question actually looks like and also just looks plain stupid. My budget has been saved by Vogue doing such horrible designs in the last few years, there are hardly ever any of them that I want to buy, especially as I never wear tight dresses!
HAHAHA yeah, the one-leg poses were cracking me up. It’s like they had flamingos as their inspiration this go-round.
tehheee I’m noticing that now on my second perusal.
Oh, my eyes, my eyes. That sundress is beautiful though, I shall be dreaming of it. Thank you for a brilliant post!
Haaaa, I believe my new favorite day of every season is when you provide commentary on Vogue patterns. I’d LOVE to see a behind-the-scenes of these photoshoots, when the photographer’s like “YES, I love that hand-draped-over-your-forehead look. Now pretend there’s a huge bookshelf next to you and lean your elbow on it. THIS IS GLAMOUR, PEOPLE.”
Oh how I laughed. Mullet hems, is that your invention, if so it is comical and a half! And red dress? Fancy jumping up & down in that one & keeping everything under wraps?
I actually bought the red dress pattern because I was drawn to the sleeves and open back. I haven’t made it yet, but the dress actually has boning in it which will help to keep it up. Although the neckline looks lower in the picture that she posted than the pictures they had in the book at Joann’s. Hopefully it works out in my favor. It’s my first Vogue pattern. I’m excited. 🙂
Vogue 1305 looks like she got TP’ed.
I would rock 1304 minus the skirt that is. Perhaps a pencil kind of skirt, or just make it into a top.
Some of the designer stuff with vogue patterns just freaks me the *beep* out. Maybe they design this stuff as some kind of joke.
I think 1304 would work with a different skirt, or as a top… I wish they’d actually tried to make it fit the model, it looks awful on her haha.
I really do think some of the ~designer~ patterns are trolling us!
Couldn’t agree more! Well… they’re not trolling me (heh) but I’ve seen some similar ones to Colette in the past.
That last pic totally = Hammer Pants. Yikes!
I agree with you 100%
Other bloggers are swooning over Vogue 1305. Really, who is going to look good in this dress? It’s going to emphasize every flaw and make your butt look gigantic.
Haha are you serious!? Who??? I want to secretly judge them for their questionable fashion taste.
Hi Lauren,
I don’t understand why you didn’t like the new patterns. They’re not only extremely flattering for the body (mainly of cows) but they give great ideas in matching the right fabric with the right pattern (mainly of kitchen curtains).
Moreover, they give very hip fashion forward ideas for accessorizing the dresses- i.e. 1301 or 8823!
Apparently, one of you doesn’t get how to dress up normal women and how to look cool. And that must certainly be you ’cause it can’t be a company that names itself after a fashion legend. No no… it must be you….
lol!
irem – http://sewingyourstyle.tumblr.com
This post is hilarious! The one you captioned “Tragedy” made me laugh out loud.
8818 looks like she’s checking her shoe to see if she stepped in a pile of poo.
And I’d love to have been in the editorial room when they looked at the drawing of 1307 and said, “yeah, baggy pants with giant front pleats. That’s a great idea. We should style them with green leopard print.”
So much ugly stuff! You weren’t kidding…
But, I absolutely love 8812 and am very intrigued by 1302.
LAWL. Oh dear! That red one really looks like someone was making two or three dresses and accidentally stitched them together – fail!
The back of that white sun dress is divine. Yum!
Great post! Vogue patterns do nothing for me. I only have one in my collection. Thank goodness for the indies out there doing patterns we like!
“classic derp face” lolololol! I must say, I think it was one of your other vogue shit talkings that made me tag your blog to begin with. Thanks with providing me with snorting laughter as I sip my coffee!
I liked a few of the ones you dissed – I think the red one has potential (or maybe I am just seduced by anything backless?) And I kind of like that white “mullet hem” shirt – in silk it would be so easy-breezy in the summer. But there is some batshit ugly stuff in this release, fersure.
I really don’t mind the mullet-hem shirt – it looks nice & floaty and I like that – but I think Vogue overdid it with the mullet-hems this go-around.
You read my mind EXACTLY!!!! I seriously don’t understand the harem pants. If I wanted to wear a paper sack, I wouldn’t invest in Vogue patterns to do so
I think 1304 would have the unique distinction of riding up into the armpits while simultaneously exposing nipples. Not too many dresses can claim that.
I’m in love with the back of 8812, too.
You are so funny – “there’d be no question that you made it” (the bags)!
Yea WTH is up with Vogue making their model garments out of fabric in such a way that you totally cannot see the lines of the design? I especially love when they use black fabric than have the model stand in front of a dark blue background so you can’t make out any details.
Although that’s about as bad as having the model looking like a dog lifting her leg to pee. Sheesh!
And this is post is why I started following you. That red dress is a great color but anyone with a butt like mine does not need extra fabric like that on it. Ouch.
Just one question on 1302 – patterns with lots of ruching in the bust area tend to scare me when it comes to doing a FBA. Do you have a special way that you would deal with that? Maybe it’s not so scary after all – looks like maybe princess seams with a drape over top.
I actually did my very first FBA on Vogue 1117, which doesn’t have a whole lot of runching but it does have some pleating. I wasn’t even sure what I was doing there – just cut the pattern pieces as my book instructed me to & was dazzled by the fit of the muslin. I assume it would be the same way with a dress that has lots of runching – it does start out as a flat pattern piece, after all! There is also a good chance that something with that much drape could accommodate a fuller bust without any adjustments – as long as you’re not needing to add a whole bunch of room. You’d probably want to make a muslin first anyway to check the fit and see what works 🙂
I got really excited when I saw there were new Vogues, and then really disappointed because they were either boring or ugly. My only consolation was the hope that you would have something funny to say about them, and now here you are! The silver lining of a shitty Vogue cloud.
That vintage sundress is super cute, however. Still, would it be so hard for them to update the styling a bit? Most of us aren’t making these patterns for a Mad Men party.
Well I never…mullet hems is probably the best thing I’ve heard this year! I hope I get to use that phrase in public sometime soon.
I’m glad I read this, a couple of things that I didn’t like seem more charming now that I see the pictures of the backs, they just didn’t interest me enough on the vogue site to bother to check to see what the other side looked like. I’m starting to think they should use larger pictures in general, as 8814 didn’t even register with me when I saw its teeny picture, and now it’s on my list of to-do for the summer. Thanks for providing them with extra advertising 😉
A ha ha ha ! The pointy butt in the blue 8809 makes me laugh!
Bahahaha!!! Wow. So good. …I don’t even know what to say except Vogue should be ashamed of themselves! If this is the future of fashion, allow me to crawl into a hole right now. Mullet hems. Hilarious!
Why is 8818 showing us the bottom of her shoe? I believe in some parts of the world that is an insult. Perhaps it’s to subtly indicate how they feel about their customers’ budgets with patterns like that? What’s in the envelope, two rectangles?
Your posts about the new patterns are something I look forward to with a special kind of glee. lol I hope you don’t mind I’ve posted a link to this post from my little blog.
Wow, they’re doing Burda magazine’s style!!
Thanks for the laugh. For sure, with this crazy collection, this year I will still not sew any Vogue pattern! There is just one thing I don’t get it: what’s going on with the shoes ?
Because SHOES!! We are women & we love SHOES!! A good SHOE will make us buy anything! SHOES SHOES SHOESSSSS!!
That’s what I gather was going through their heads, anyway 🙂
Holy shiz!!! You never dissapoint and I love it! I have been patiently waiting all morning (I am west coast) for this. Your reviews are like Christmas for me. While the ugly comments are hilarious, I also find I do look forward to the pretty stuff too. Really hoping to see you do something with 1302!
LMAO you rock!! I love the white button-back vintage sundress, and the Chanel style jacket, but dear Lord some of those others had me shaking my head – especially the atrocity that is those green Hammer pants…. W….. T….. F!!!!! And the models’ poses; what are they THINKING?? Good for a laugh but geez…. you’d think they were trying to get us to save them from the clothing, not trying to get us to buy it LOL
Heh! Thanks so much for sharing all of your fashion least favorites. I had the same reaction to the bulk of the patterns.
To be honest, I first saw all of these images on your flickr account and I had to extend lots of restraint… I thought you had posted the images on flickr because you liked them not because you hated them. heheheh
HAHAHA oh man, I was afraid that was going to happen. I should probably update the set with a link to this post… naw lol
BWahahaha! “The safest pair of Hammer pants is no Hammer pants at all”!! hehee.
Oh Vogue… What are you doing? Really? Yeick. Why is it so hard to design clothes that people might actually enjoy wearing?
Ha, agree on your analysis except for the red dress 1304. I think Its classy and nice.will be comfortable too. Just that I for one dont have the patience to make such detailed stuff. 🙂
Thanks for sharing your eloquent thoughts on the patterns. Mullet hems? That best describes those uneven hems!
When I saw the title of your post come up on my reader I was like “yesssssss”. I love when you rightly rip into the weird, ugly fashion mistakes! Haha. I think it’s because Vogue tries to be “high fashion”. High fashion=stupid looking.
I am so glad someone posted this. I saw several “wow look at the awesome new vogue” posts with that god-awful white ruched assymetrical fat highlighting shroud in them and wasn’t sure whether I was just out of touch (let’s face it, probably) or I should trust in my taste. I hadn’t even seen the green pants yet…they made my tea come out of my nose (not a look I usually aspire to at work). Good effort!
Haahahha “fat highlighting shroud”
I got all excited to see this post come up in my reader! God, that’s some bugly crap. I’m so glad you dish it.
Mental – how could you not want to make yourself a pair of trousers like 1307 – who doesn’t want to look like a backing dancer for MC Hammer straight out of the 80’s? ;D
Though I have to agree with you about 8812 – lush! Although sadly it doesn’t appear to be available in the UK (or not on the websites I’ve looked at anyway)
Aw boo! Give it a few days and maybe it’ll pop up – the UK tends to slag behind US releases sometimes. Or let me know & I’ll drive down to Joann’s during one of the $3.99 sales & pick one up for you haha.
Ha! Ha! Ha! Well I was looking at the bag pattern as I love making bags. And being an old fogey am thinking is this the style, is this cool am not sure about it , looks a bit cheap but it’s Vogue. This must be the biz nowadays, I’ll save in my pinterest and have a think about it. Now you have indicated it looks a bag of . . . I have duly deleted it lol. I just needed that push. BTW I can’t stand high low hems. They look so 80’s even if they were not the fashion then if you know what I mean.
This comment just made me feel like some kind of sewing pattern Super Hero – doing good for the rest of the sewing world hahaha.
Lol. I needed the push besides my sewing pattern wishlist is bulging at the seams. I haven’t even made a top yet scared of doing an FBA. As the Bronte sisters are quite substantial.
OMG Bronte sisters HAHAHA! That. Is amazing.
Got it off Desperate Housewives, not looked back. Gives them some culture. Beats, puppies, the girls or in my case the monstrosities lol
Not sure why it posts on my old wordpress acount. sassytsews.blogspot.com
Oh lauren I love when new vogue patterns come out just for this post, what I’m finding to be just as funny are the other ladies comment!
I think the vogue designers have been smoking crack! Patterns are going up in Aust, the retail for $18-$30 I wouldn’t use them if they were giving them away for free, well at least not the ugly ones! 🙂
8806 – are you kidding me? People will pay money for that pattern? 8809 – something is seriously wrong there, what on earth is going on, they’ve managed to make her look skinny and pot bellied ….. or something, I just can’t work it out – as for the hem, ugh, it looks like a mistake. The Hammer pants …….. I clearly refused to see them when I looked at the Vogue site because they were a (rude) shock – can’t imagine why!
As usual Vogue combine some gorgeous patterns with some …well, not so. But they must figure that someone will buy them?? I laughed at the tragedy dress – she could carry puppies around in those pockets!! And Vogue say it suits pear shapes – I tell you that is not one area I want to add puff too.
BTW Would love your thoughts on the jumpsuit pattern.
Ooh what’s the pattern #?
Vogue 1308
http://voguepatterns.mccall.com/v1308-products-22882.php?page_id=174
Weeeell I’m biased against jumpsuits (although Erica B has made quite a few & they look pretty amazing on her), so I’m inclined to hate this one haha. I think the tight legs paired with that big floaty ruffle make a really odd silhouette. And the drawstring at the waistband just looks like a cheap afterthought.
Funny post, I must have weird taste but i loved the white dress, though obviously not in white. I saw the RTW version in darker colours and a short version and thought it looked great. You are spot on about the red dress. Vogue chooses fabrics so distracting that I have never even noticed the bad posing before! Like the mullet top, Donna Karan Jumpsuit and Peplum and a few others. It’s a shame how they market their patterns because they sure do a good job of putting people off.
http://tracey-james.blogspot.co.uk
The leg on 8818 is really killing me.
This is so funny — I want YOU to be a judge on Project Runway. Michael Kors has nothing on you.
I wish! That would be fun haha!!
I’m usually one to give these things a second chance and I generally have to tear my eyes away from the hideous pictures and check out the line drawings to really get any idea of what the hell is going on – but I’d have to agree with you on this one – doesn’t look like there’s much here I’m going to sew! And I think what really confuses me is the freaking pattern and fabric matching – I mean what?!?! Who decides that? Because they should be fired. Its not freaking brain surgery to know that you don’t make ugly hammer pants out of an even uglier holographic leopard print that should only be used for off-broadway productions of Cats!!! Also – whats with the wacky poses? Why is your leg up in the air?? Put it down! I SAID Put it DOWN!!!
Yeah, I can usually depend on the line drawing to save me from the tragic styling (which, btw, Vogue should totally hire me to sew/style their pattern covers. But I guess they won’t, since I keep publicly bashing their bad taste haha), but I think this go-round really added to my amusement. Their pattern+fabric matching is really going for the gold this season. And by gold I mean “worst thing ever” aha
Since I started sewing with a vengeance, I have been amazed at the backasswards sense of fashion the pattern envelopes present. I mean, seriously, sometimes I’m almost turned away from a pattern based on the hideous styling choices! They need to update their staff with people who have some taste. My favorite horrid pattern cover was (I think Simplicity) of a Snuggie in a crossword print on fleece. Literally made me laugh out loud in disgust.
HAHA I know the snuggie pattern you are talking about – and you’re right, it’s definitely the worst! Man, Vogue should let me style their patterns. That would be a dream job right there haha.
I agree with you for most of these, but I really like the asymetrical hem thing happening this season!
SEND IN YOUR RESUME!!! I thought sewing was supposed to be hip and cool again—you can’t tell, Vogue, you can’t tell…
holy hey-soos. this is the funniest post ever. i love “mullet hem.” what the what?? The styling kills me.
I had to laugh because I just read another blog that just loved the latest vogues !
Must be a love-hate relationship for those Vogues!
Hey Lauren 🙂 First, congrats for the awesome blog – you are an inspiration for me 🙂 I just love your stuff 🙂
Agree, the patterns are ridiculous, the models are hilarious. I like only the second one, and the Chanel jacket.
I have the same experience every month, when comes out the new edition of Burda magazine. Those guys are tricky – you have to buy the whole magazine just for 2 or 3 nice patterns and all the rest is just crap.
Oh, Lauren! You make me laugh so much! I saw the new vogue patterns yesterday and thought the same things – especially about the green pants. I’m kind of surprised, however, that you don’t have a BMV subscription. It’s only $15 or so a year and they have these sales all the time were all the vogue patterns are $3.99 each and I think the other ones are even less. It really pays for itself after just one or two patterns and then the rest are just a steal. (I don’t get a kick back or anything from them for suggesting this – I just think it’s a really good deal if you sew a lot and want to use their patterns.)
Hehe well I actually live fairly close to a Joann’s, and they have lots of sales on the patterns- Vogues for $3.99, Butterick & McCall’s for $1.99, and I think Simplicity is usually $1. So I don’t need to buy them online 🙂
I love this post – so true. I spend half my time giggling myself silly at the photos. Thank God they do line art!! I have to hide some of my pattern envelopes so I can sew straight lines…
Hehehe…! Thoroughly enjoyed this post.
My personal fugly favourites are the hammer pants!
You are way too funny! I had not looked at the new Vogue patterns so your review were great. Plus I agree with everything you said. The ugly shoes, the weird mullet styles, the MC hammer pants. Yikes!
1304? What the hell is that? I saw that in the latest mag and commented on how vile and cheap it looked – the seams on the bust would end up nowhere near my bust, that neckline is a massive gape waiting to happen, as is the back, it just looks tacky and ‘bad 80s bustier’ lol. As for that skirt with the mullet hem – wtf?
The mullet hems are KILLING ME. Gosh darn it–the mullet haircut hasn’t fully died (at least now around here. ack.)–why are we making it worse?! My eyes BLEED!
Also: it it just my highly unprofessional opinion that fashion is taking a serious turn towards the fugly. I got an Anthropologie catalog the other day, and I normally am all “Anthropologie! I LOVE YOU!”, and this time I didn’t find a single thing in the catalog I liked. Seriously–I think this is a record. Everything was too billowy (at least for my height/build), the prints were ugly, or it just looked like something I’d ask myself “why did you wear that? what were you thinking?” in about a year. lol.
I just found your blog and am laughing out loud.
Hehe, that last bit really made me chuckle, those green animal print numbers are really something. This is actually very helpful to me as a new sewer (sewer? this can’t be right!). I’m just starting to look at patterns to buy and it’s always good to know what experienced ‘sewing people’ recommend!
hahahahaha! Love your vogue review! Thanks for making my afternoon!
These all look like Project Runway fails! So dorky. And the ‘pretty’ ones aren’t much better. So nineties.
What’s the matter with Vogue? No Ralph Lauren, no Perry Ellis, no Laurent, no Givenchy. Where did the current designers train? Were they graduates of strip mall or church basement schools? On the other hand, maybe the horrid designs are inspired by the horrible fabrics. While the materials make your skin crawl the patterns make your stomach turn. I am so sorry for young and/or new sewists for whom there is little to get excited. Vogue wasn’t just synonymous with high fashion but also with high quality. If not Vogue, then who?