Nothing like some Vogue-hate to cheer me up when I’m having a shitty week, amirite. Thanks, Vogue!
Vogue 1341
I don’t get this. It looks someone tried draping for the first time and failed as hard as they could possibly fail.
Vogue 1342
True story: I check my Google search terms every day (because they are hilarious and awesome) and my very favorite one was when someone found my blog by searching “buttcrack sundress.” I always wondered what a buttcrack sundress was. Now I will wonder no more.
Vogue 1340
From the puffy darts to the shitty fit to the sad attempt at whatever is going on there with the neckline, this dress makes my heart hurt.
Vogue 1337
No comment on the dress, I just think the pose is really really funny.
COME AT ME, BRO.
Vogue 1338
Y U mad, tho?
Vogue 1347
Vogue, stop trying to make the danglies happen.
Vogue 8873
The pattern describes this as a “fitted bodice.” I don’t know about you, but nothing about that bodice looked fitted to me.
Vogue 8870
Well, that pattern placement is just tragic.
Vogue 1345
NOPE.
Vogue 8887
I actually don’t mind this get-up too much (except for that pants length… yikes). I just wanted to make fun of her shoes.
Vogue 8879
The fuck is going on here.
Vogue 8883
Vogue, what did we just talk about regarding those danglies.
Vogue 8891
The prettiest beekeeper you ever did see.
I’m noticing a new trend here, in that NOTHING FUCKING FITS ANY OF THESE MODELS. What the hell! I know that most fashion magazines pin back the clothing to make it tight on the models, but ffs Vogue you had these things sewn for you. Could you not size down?? Compare the actual pants to the line drawing here. Those are not supposed to be Hammer pants, contrary to what the photo would have you believe. I’m just… I have no words. No words at all.
Vogue, go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done.
LLADYBIRD 
Will they ever learn???
At least they’re not standing in front of a window this time. Baby steps!!
LOL! Still the ticked off for no apparent reason (ok, other than the awful designs they’re being paid to wear) models…AND the really bad fit…AND the just plain ridiculous designs….!
Thanks! I really needed that!
I just had to tell you this was seriously the funniest thing I’ve read all week!
I will seriously be so sad if Vogue ever gets their shit together with styling, because then we won’t have awesome LT snark to make our days all better.
Funny! I have just posted on my blog how I love these new collection of Vogue patterns. Of course not all of them – and I agree with a lot of your remarks. Still I found few interesting patterns. I agree there is a strange trend in all the patterns (not only Vogue), Not all of them are really wearable…
I think that’s what bothers me so much about them. What is the point of making something that’s not wearable?? I get the runway shows and the fashion contests and stuff… but these are sewing patterns for home use. They aren’t going to be walking down the runway. I DON’T GET IT.
Well … they could make less patterns but good ones – but then – good for you or for me? In such diversity you are always able to find something for yourself. Even small piece of a garment/idea…
I know … this is one of the topics to talk during the long nights with a cup of coffie/tea of a glass of wine š
Come at me, bro! Indeed! LOL!!!! I think they should have just ordered up some larger models. It looks like these models were thinner than your average hyper-thin model. Plus, they all look either really freaking bored or pissed as hell. Shouldn’t home-sewn clothes make you…happy? I actually unsubscribed from these because I just never want to buy patterns unless they’re vintage š
Hilarious and so on point. This is ridiculous! That 1340 is truly, madly, deeply terrible.
I was just thinking the same thing! If my dress turned out like that, I would be in tears. The neckline alone is hilarious/deeply depressing.
You hit the nail right on the head here. Tragic!!!
True story – I tried on a shirt at the mall the other day that had an armpit neckline just like Vogue 1341. It was massively uncomfortable. Then I realized that it had a double layer front and I had inserted my torso between the two front layers instead of between the front & back. Perhaps a similar error happened here?
I just remembered that I used to own a shirt with a similar neckline too, although mine was a tshirt. I did not own a single bra that didn’t show under that neckline. Of course, I was 19 and it was a band tshirt and I ~did not give a fuck~, but, you know. Some people might.
Nothing like reading you Vogue-hate to make my week better! I really don’t get this new collection at all.
Haha you made my day too with this post. I’d say more except you’ve said it all and I agree with every single word you uttered. Bizarre Vogue, just bizarre.
Omg surely Vogue 1340 is a bad muslin that mistakenly got sent to the photographer?! It is terrible! I totally get why the majority of the models look majorly annoyed!
That’s what I thought 1340 too! It looks like a test garment! š
Oh, this made me giggle… And brought back memories of last time’s vagina coat!!
LONG LIVE THE VAGINA COAT
This collection should be all the proof I need that the sewing community should be allowed to vote on what patterns actually get put into production, lol. That back cut out shirt is beyond words. :]
I’m actually digging the buttcrack sun dress! If i make it, that will for sure be its name.
Hey, the front isn’t so bad! If you actually make it and name it Buttcrack Sundress, that will make my world complete.
LOL!
What a riot! The only nice thing I can say about these “fashions” is I like the grapey plummy color of the dress that Y U mad at me is wearing. I laughed so hard! What are they thinking when they sew these up and ask the models to act like they are living their lives?
I always enjoy your reviews of Vogue patterns. I did find some gems amongst this batch though (the trench coat, the men’s suit, and the slip), so I’m a happy customer.
Yeah, that trench coat was sweet and I LOOOOVE the slip set. I might actually buy that pattern and make a million fancy undie loungey clothes :3 I’m also interested to see how those men’s patterns work out irl, i.e., not on the Vogue envelopes haha
your commentary is hilarious! thanks for cheering me up when i’m home sick š
Hilarious! After the day I had I needed a good laugh. Thank you.
A couple of these look like wadders that I would never wear… Your post is dressing hilarious! Thanks for the laughs!!!!
This is your best Vogue review yet!!
I love your comments…they sum up my thoughts exactly! WHY make a wide brim sunhat out of a mesh that will do NOTHING to protect you against the sun, and looks stupid on top of it?? This is why I do not purchase commercial patterns much anymore. At least the independent designers care a little bit…
Oh, Vogue 8879. *FINALLY* a classy way to show off my awesome tramp stamp.
I was thinking the very same thing! LOL
hahaha!
As I’m looking at these pictures, I’m thinking – they just have to have some regular people instead of models. With regular sized bodies. And what occasions would they want to wear such draft-inducing clothes?
Wow…they all suck! I cannot imagine making any of those garments. definitely a tragic showing….
Ha! The reason I found your blog in the first place was because long ago, someone at PR complained about how mean one of your Vogue-hate posts was. I, of course, zipped right on over here and have been lurking, laughing my ass off and being inspired ever since! Long live the Vogue-hate posts! Yay! (And thank you!)
Awww man! My very own internet drama and I missed it!
You crack me up beyond belief! So funny š
haha loving your reviews (and all of your posts really) – about that buttcrack dress – did you know there is actually a designer out there who designs dresses with the ass cut out? LOL for real – crazy. I saw it somewhere but I can’t remember where – maybe that’s what they were looking for?!
Dress cut-outs like bumster trousers? Oh my.
I really want to see this designer that you’re talking about but I’m way too terrified to Google it ahaha
lol I’ll have to find it for you – it’s freaking hilarious!
tots agree on the draping fail and the buttcrack sundress. 1340 looks like one of those breast-feeding cover-ups … except the baby can’t access anything. I like 8873 so it’s extra unfortunate that it doesn’t fit the model it’s shown on at all.
thanks for this, got some good laughs from it š
Yeah, 8873 would look really nice if it actually fit. Oh well, I’m sure someone will show Vogue up š
You’re so right! Hilarious post I needed.
Oh… thank you so much. I really needed a good laugh tonight. You + Vogue = Comedy Gold
It makes their models look emaciated. Either find larger models, or size down the clothes, Vogue. (My preference would be for slightly larger models…)
While I’m not opposed to skinny models, I agree that they could do with some larger models as well. They are sewing patterns – they should show all the body types that at least fit in their sizing. And anyone bigger than the smallest size should not automatically be pushed into only modeling plus-size patterns, either.
Woman! Thank you. I’ve been saying for years that I really dislike using Vogue patterns. The instructions are often vague or just plain wrong and the patternmaking leaves much to be desired. You made me laugh.
Hmm. At least they’re not sitting on invisible toilets dangerously close to a giant window? Most are terrible, but at least I don’t feel dirty looking at them. +1!
Well, this explains why the models all look angry/miserable. Except for 1345 who appears to have a soupƧon of Xanax on board š
lol yeah, she is definitely in her Happy Place right now.
OMG all I have to say is Mel (who sews not) and I just sat and read this whole post out loud together (because I was laughing like a hyena) and were literally crying laughing.
That one terrible pattern placement looks like the girl pooped out a big blop of whiteout!
So awesome! This was the best laugh I’ve had all day.
That 889.. something with the cutout lower back…good god. Can’t you just see some hideous person wearing that with low rise jeans and all you see if buttcrack from miles away? Also, I know I spend too much time on reddit, but I was sad I could not upvote each and every one of your funny comments. So full of lolz.
hahahaha omg, you are so right. That is a buttcrack glory hole of a shirt if I ever saw one.
HAHAHAHAHA! OMG this was so funny! I’m so glad you commented on the danglies (twice) because my brow always furrows when I see those! You’re awesome.
I HATE THOSE DAMN DANGLIES.
Spot on review, as always! But can we talk seriously about how the fit on Vogue 1340 could be fixed for a second? (If Vogue is going to give us such bad examples of fit, we can try to at least learn from them right?) Anyway, I’ve had a similar fit problem where the butt darts poof just like that. I’d love to figure out how to fix it.
I think that happens because you’ve got too much skirt space and not enough body to fill it out. Try deepening and lengthening the darts and it should make everything lie flat like it should.
God I needed a laugh! Good ol Vogue and your awesome self have provided! Thank you!
You have just started my day with a laugh! Thank you so much! The two terrible dresses, the pattern placement and the top with the hole near the bum especially are hilarious and unforgivable. Do they really think we won’t notice the crimes they are trying to implicate us in!!!
Oh my god what a laugh! I don’t believe anyone at Vogue lately a) sews, b) can take photos or tell what a flattering photo is c) has any idea about marketing. If it wasn’t for the laugh it is embarrassing isn’t it!
I don’t think they know any of the above. Which is why they should hire meeeeeee.
Oh, who am I kidding. I’m probably on their blacklist right now lol.
O, that has brightened my day no end. With you on the white shoes: why do people make (let alone wear) shoes that look like you’ve run over your toes with a lawnmower?
I don’t know but I hate them! Why wear boots if your toes are gonna stick out? Why why whyyyy?
buttcrack sundress – bwa hahahaha!
Thanks for the laughs!
I have been eagerly anticipating the new Vogues, and this is very disappointing, to say the least. But my wallet will be very pleased, so there is a silver lining!
There are a couple of patterns that might have to come home with me (unfortunate pattern placement aside), but they really do need to do something about the fit and styling that has been going on over there.
Lol! Reminds me why I don’t buy Vogue. Hilarious post! š
You made me cry laughing – good work š
This might be an illustration of how mentally jacked up I am these days because I totally agree with you but I MUST. HAVE. 1341. Is it figure flattering? No. Will the instructions be shit and the sewing process hell? Naturally..so I must away to the fabric store. SMH.
Make it and then let us see! Your version might actually look wearable, compared to Vogue’s.
I just checked the website cause I had to see the other views of this one, and I love how there’s a random pool of fabric on the waist at the back on the right side. sooooo flattering!
Aww crap! I didn’t even see the pool of fabric. And that’s just what you need at your waist: extra, random fabric.
Now I’m really disgusted with myself.
Dear oh dear!! Some of the patterns modelled are terrible!! Especially V8887, That is a suit where the trousers have shrunk in the wash!! But having said that, if I had a suitable figure, I would actually wear – V8870 yeah !! I’m a rebel like that, has a 70’s vibe!!!! As for V8883 – that looks like a camel toe gone wrong, but I doubt this model was specially fitted for those 3/4 length trousers, it appears that a vogue seamstress/sewist just whipped up the trousers in a flash and got some random model to put those on. Now that is how NOT to sell a pattern to a customer. The only other thing I can say is that, if a person can see beyond the hideousness of the patterns and/or fabric used and is adept at pattern alteration, then an ugly outfit can be transformed into a beautiful masterpiece.
Wow, and yet again another hilarious round up, thanks Lauren. But it is weird that nothing seems to fit, maybe that’s a new thing now – making no attempt at having the pattern fit you properly. When I look at Vogue 1340 I am reminded of the problems I had trying to make the neckline of my Peony fit, perhaps I should have just embraced it like that lady?
I wonder if they just decided to throw in the towel and come clean with the amount of ease they sneak into those patterns. That’s what it looks like to me, anyway. That and laziness haha.
Lol I love you posts on the Vogue patterns – they always make me laugh. The fir of those garments is rubbish – either they need to size down the patterns or they need to get less skinny models!
And that white suit, oh my – it looks like she borrowed her dad’s jacket but her little brother’s trousers! Bizarre!
gotta love the voguehate! can’t believe how bad the fit is. some of them might be ok if they used a model that actually fitted the clothes! but the faces…
this is so funny – you’re right, why does nothing fit??!! And they all look so grumpy. Is it a crime to smile this days – a smile goes a long way…
That was so funny! That was exactly what I needed today! Thanks š
I read this while making dinner last night and I laughed so hard my kids were convinced I was insane, laughing at the beef I was cooking. Ha!
Haha I dunno why, but the thought of someone laughing at beef is really cracking me up.
You know the women having to wear that trash are hating it. Thanks so much for the laughs! Has definitely made my Friday!
I love that you put Vogue in a time-out. Now I need to go wipe the tears from my eyes.
Thank you sooooo much! I’ve suddenly come down with my-week-fleeping-sucks-itis myself, and this belly laugh was much appreciated.
I saw there were new Vogues and immediately came here. Thanks for the laugh! I really liked the front of the “buttcrack sundress” but after seeing the back I don’t think I can go for it…
You crack me up. 1340 reminds me of Burda 118 from October 2012 except done with a poor fit in the wrong fabric. 1345 would be cute if you told me those were classy pajamas. Amd 8879 might be a “design feature” thanks to an oops with a pair of scissors.
Always hilarious! I was kinda bummed by this new round of patterns too – but like always I’ll probably lurk them for awhile, obsess over the line drawings and decide that what I reallly need are some hammer pants with danglies and a seriously unfortunate case of FUPA (fat upper pelvic area…) Just kidding… I don’t think those will be the winner… Also – is it bad that I was more intrigued by the men’s patterns?
I want to see those men’s patterns made up. You should dooo it!
You. are. hilarious!
I’ve also noticed lately how Vogue is doing a pretty poor job not just fitting models (although the above is pretty much as awful as it gets) but also more generally. To the point where you wonder where their commonsense went!! Have you seen the original picture for Vogue 1314!?! (http://allstyleandallsubstance.blogspot.ca/2012/12/sneek-peak.html)
LOL I needed this laugh – thanks!! There’s a whole lotta ugly goin on there, but that pale blue atrocity wins the gold medal for most tragic…. that’s the kind of fit we’re all desperately trying to avoid!! Why are they flaunting it? :O
I so look forward to your posts when the new patterns are released. your commentary is hilarious. Despite the fact that I see a few patterns in their new offering that I love! Ok, am I the only one? Anyway – your comments on the styling and the fit are spot on. If they can’t present perfect fit and sewing then what the heck? Also the danglies – they need to be stamped out !!!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!
Oh geez, I was reading this at work and had to stop. “Who is that intern snorting and spilling coffee everywhere?” asked everyone.
What can I say? You just make my day. I almost can’t wait for a new batch of horrible looking Vogue patterns just to read your comments!
Thanks so much, Lauren. I was having a bad day/week and it’s nice to get some levity in to lighten my mood. You always make me laugh.
Hahahahahaha! I love Lladybird Vogue-hate time! That is truly the sorriest collection of garments I’ve seen in a LONG while.
RIDICULOUS. I can’t get over the sh*tty fit that most of these garments have. That’s just atrocious (not to mention the general uggo factor of all of these).
ALL OF THESE made me laugh, but none so much as “COME AT ME, BRO”. What is WITH that model’s face in those?
No more no more, my sides hurt from laughing! What is going on??!!
Have you ever thought of taking this stuff onto a comedy stage? i just about spat out my coffee reading this. toofunny
Dear Lauren/lladybird. I stumbled across your blog about a year ago looking for examples of a pattern I was eyeing. I have checked in weekly ever since you make me laugh your blog is spot on, its like a dialouge with a dear friend. Your projects make me soooo jealous cause Iam a bearly competent sewer. Finally I love it when you rip vogue patterns a new one, These particular patterns are abismal what was Sandra Betzina thinking? Keep up the outstanding work.
With love from across the pond
I laughed and laughed and then couldn’t explain why to my boyfriend when he looked at them he said “they look fine”. Men just see the girls, it’s true. File these under A for Atrocity.
Make that up in white with the red sash and tThe come at me bro chick looks like she is ready for some ninja action.
The cutout back totally made me think that this was a perfect getup to show off your plumbers crack! I wonder how that would work out when you sit down? Wouldnt the bottom band sag and you’d sit on it resulting in an *unfortunate* rip?
Would it really be an unfortunate rip, though? I’m thinking more of a blessing in disguise…. š
Had just looked at the new Vogue Patterns (used to be a highlight for me…not so of late), then I went to your blog and laughed at your descriptions/comments. So right!
Vogue 8879 is now to be known by the classy new title of : “The Arse/Ass Antler Airer”.
I just had to google and got this “Arse Antler – Meaning:
The Tatoo above ones Backside giving the illusion the the Buttocks have Antlers growing from them.” Lovely.
I do hope the true function of this design has not escaped the vogue design team.
loooool Ass Antler Airer! I’ve always called them Ass Hats (or Ass Caps) but I like Ass Antler, it has a nice ring to it. You hit the nail on the head with that description!
It seriously looks like they just threw some fabric at the models and then had a six year old stitch it up however it fell. I don’t think Vogue gives a shit about its patterns haha, pretty clear from the wrinkled butt that 1340 has.
Also: “Saggy granny arms” is my best Google search term so far! Hells yes.
I. Adore. You.
I cannot find eve one redeeming feature in any of these patterns. The one with the weird short trousers looks like she is playing dress up with her mums clothes. Its plain weird. Another season i won’t be buyingany vogue patterns…
Clothes like these are the reason my modeling ambitions lasted about five minutes. Also I’m too short and fat, but that’s a whole nother WTF.
Your posts make it all worth it, IMO. š
PBBBFFFFTTT! Aren’t we like, the same size?? If you’re fat, then so am I am and I refuse to believe that :B
LOL! I think I’m a size or three bigger than you, but probably taller, too. š I agree, though—the issue is neither of our bodies, and entirely the “industry”‘s expectations, which are freakishly warped!
Aaaaahahahahaaaa! Hilarious!!! Sorry to hear you’re having a shitty week… Why don’t you make up a few of these beauties and wear them to hit the town with your friends for shits and giggles?! x
Go sit in a corner…lol…and I’d say dunce hat but they’d want to add dangly thingies.
So funny! Right on the spot!
LOL at the “sit in the corner” comment, Lladybird – so spot on! Vogue used to be synonymous with high fashion and stylish patterns that every beginning sewist aspired to be able to create. From what I’ve seen, it’s hard to figure out just what the heck has gone wrong with their corporate mission. I will say that it’s seeing poorly made and poorly designed fashions like these that made me quit sewing apparel to begin with! No excuse, Vogue, for the bad pattern placement, the poorly fitting clothes and the “no point, design school project” patterns. Totally agree with Lladybird…these things are MADE for Vogue. Whoever is handling these projects perhaps needs a review or two…! Very disappointing.
I haven’t caught the Vogue-hate theme here before, but I got to AGREE: those are some SAD designs! but then, I see “sad design” like this EVERYWHERE. Hasn’t anyone else? I look at fashion mags with whole collections featured, and if I see ONE or TWO things I even remotely like, that’s a red-letter day! I have never seen such waste of fabric…Designers are BURNED OUT, that much is plain… methinks it’s this business of forcing them to pump out FOUR major collections a year…it used to be TWO: spring/summer and fall/winter!
Absolutely NOBODY can “stay the pace” of FOUR major collections a year and continue to come up with anything worthwhile under that kind of pressure; it’s easy to see how the fashion industry is “grasping at straws” these days and shoving any old thing out there and labeling it “the latest thing” (high heels with men’s SOCKS, anyone?) and the magazine writers are in on it too, frantically pumping out the mindless “FAAAABULOUS!!!”hype, all of them busily peeing on our heads and desperately trying to convince us “it’s raining!”. And the like of what you see here is the end result: And it’s definitely PEE.
That first one looks like it’s meant to be a cowl, but they chose their fabric REALLY badly.
That awkwardly long gaucho pant suit thing is literally the worst…ever! And the buttcrack sundress takes #2! It reminds me of those ruched underwear they sell that look as if they have given you a rtw wedgie. So bizarre!
Your vogue reviews are always a highlight. Although snorting and whimpering to myself on the bus gets me some strange looks. If I get thrown off the bus for laughing I’m blaming you.
Ah! Hahaha this DEFINITELY made my day better. You’re hilarious and I absolutely love your blog. Thanks for the pick-me-up!
You inspired me to look up the search terms on my own blog…Top Favs:
Barbie Thong
Fuck in the Forest
I love your blog. š
lol those are amazing.
Please share your thoughts on the recent Feb/March and April/May Vogue patterns….I need a good laugh! There’s a lot of good material (lol) for comedy there.