Tag Archives: patterns

Vogue Patterns 2014: Fall Collection

16 Jul

I actually had a legit blog post planned for today. But then, Vogue went and released their Fall patterns for 2014. Merry Christmas in July, y’all!

Before I go any further, let me address the inevitable “WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO VOGUE OMGGG” comments:

I+DON+T+GIVE+A+FUCK_b3dd59_3577430

HA! :) Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some snarking to do ;)

V1416
Vogue 1416
Well, well! Looks like someone got a discount on that bolt of neon purple polyester satin.

Also, let this be a cautionary tale:
V1416back
If you don’t properly press your seams, you *will* end up with Vagina Butt.

V1417
Vogue 1417
Was 1373 leaving your arm in the cold? No worries, we’ve got that (and yer neck!) covered!

V1414
Vogue 1414
I was inclined to like this until I realized the top has a boob flap. Why, Vogue. Why.

V9035
Vogue 9035
I don’t get this. I understand that the designer was trying to do something funky with the seaming details, but the overall effect is that she made a bunch of mistakes and half-assed trying to fix them.

V9035
Like, look at that cuff. JUST LOOK AT IT.

V1410
Vogue 1410
Well, that just looks stupid.

V1407
Vogue 1407
This is actually REALLY cute and I can totally see Carolyn rocking the shit out of it.

V1408
Vogue 1408
Ack, I love this one too! It would look awesome with a contrasting fabric to really show off all those seam details.

V1409
Vogue 1409
So, the seamlines+color scheme+texture (I’m guessing it’s stretch velvet?) on this dress totally makes me think of a saber toothed tiger. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I guess, if you’re into that sort of thing. I tried to Google y’all a picture of a saber toothed tiger just to prove my point… and instead I came across this:

richard_nixon_fighting_a_saber_tooth_tiger_by_sharpwriter-d6bln06
Yes, you saw that right. That is Richard Nixon punching a saber toothed tiger.

There’s also this amazingness from the same artist. HOLY SHIT THIS GUY IS AWESOME.

Thanks, Google!

Ok, back to Vogue…

V1404
Vogue 1404
Hm, could be hit or miss.

BUT(t)…

V1404hem
The topstitched hem is pretty snazzy, amirite? High five, Vogue!

V1419
Vogue 1419
Not really sure how I feel about this one. It’s very different and I do like that. I can’t stand the sleeves, though. All I want to do is grab that underarm excess and pinch it.

V1406
Vogue 1406
Yo Vogue, your epileptic fabric choices mean I CAN’T SEE SHIT!

V9040
Vogue 9040
I just wanted to point out that, again, the wall is collapsing around her. They really should hire a building inspector to take a look at that place before someone gets hurt.

V9038
Vogue 9038
I swear to God, this is LITERALLY a rectangle of fabric with a cutout down the middle.

V1413
Vogue 1413
No, Vogue, you can’t do that – that’s just cheating.

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Vogue 9029
WAY too many ruffley/dangly options, but all in all – not half bad. I’d sew it!

V9036
Vogue 9036
Way to take a really cool pattern and make it look like a throwback to the embarrassing part of the early 90s.

V1411
Vogue 1411
Whaaaaaaat! These are awesome.

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Vogue 9028
Who the hell puts an invisible zipper (aka not a design element) in a knit top? What the fuck.
Side note: I just made the mistake of staring at her bun, and now I’m lost in a vortex of swirling hair. Magic!

V9031
Vogue 9031
Who draws these things, anyway? Like, who sat there and thought, “Hmm, you know what this skirt needs? LEOPARD PRINT*.”

(*y’all know I fucking love leopard print. But, as with everything good, there is a time and a place. This was not the time, nor the place.)

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Vogue 9037
I am convinced that they just rephotograph/redraw this every season and call it new.

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Vogue 9024
Even the model can’t figure out where the other half of her peplum went.

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Vogue 9021
For me, going through the Vogue patterns from top to bottom is like browsing Netflix. The first few rows are attention grabbing, but as you go down, they get progressively worse.

V9018
Vogue 9018
Not

V9020
Vogue 9020
Even

V9033
Vogue 9033
Trying

V9042
Vogue 9042
Can we discuss how utterly ADORABLE these little kids patterns are, though?

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Vogue 9043
Like, holy shit, I think they almost brought my shriveled up ovaries back to life.

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Vogue 9041
And, you know… in case you forgot where babies come from, Vogue is here to remind you.

V9044
Vogue 9044
This will be very useful for those days when you have no pockets or purse and need to stash things in your hat.

V9045
Vogue 9045
Lord, Vogue, haven’t we already discussed this?

V9045bridal
Whatever. Don’t let me stop you.

In other Vogue news, I noticed that Vogue is taking notes for a future sewalong, as well as a giveaway for one of the new patterns (they didn’t ask me to promote this, btw. Just noticed and figured some of y’all would be interested!). They’ve really been pushing the social media lately and I think it’s awesome! Just, you know… keep releasing a healthy dose of wtf patterns and/or envelope with wacky styling, please. I need something to entertain me.

What do you think about these new patterns? See any you love or love to laugh at?

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Completed: Vogue 1395

18 Jun

Confession: I don’t like cherries. Not for eating, anyway.

Vogue 1395

What I DO love are cherry prints, though (or any fruit, for that matter!). It probably makes me look like a total asshole wearing a fruit I won’t even eat (I’m currently having flashbacks to my high school days, back when I used to make fun of kids for wearing band tshirts of bands they’d never actually listened to. No, really, who does that?? High school kids, that’s who), but you know what? No fucks given. Go ahead and judge me.

Vogue 1395

Whatever, anyway, my point is – I like wearing cute prints. Cute prints can be hard to find though – and when you do find them, at lot of them tend to be printed on, like, quilting cotton. Or worse – silk chiffon (seriously, who the fuck is buying up all those crazy silk chiffon prints? I am so intrigued!). I feel like 3/4 of my sewing time is spent just trying to source cute prints that are printed on the type of fabric I actually like to sew and wear.

Vogue 1395

Sooo, with that being said – I was pretty excited to find this Anna Sui cherry print at Mood Fabrics. Not only is it basically the cutest fabric in the history of ever – it’s silk crepe! So glorious! Unfortunately for y’all, they are also completely sold out of it. Whomp whomp.

Vogue 1395

Immediately after securing a length of this stuff for my very own, I zeroed in on Vogue 1395 as my dream match pattern. Pretty cute, right? Vogue has really been stepping up their game with the last pattern release – as in, they had more than one wearable pattern this time (yay, Vogue!). Vogue 1395 intrigued me with it’s loose fit and strange overlay, and I thought the casual shape would look really nice with such a sweet fabric.

Vogue 1395

Sewing up this pattern (and fabric, for that matter) was pretty easy, although I did make some changes to the construction. The pattern calls for you to sew everything with a double-stitched seam – as in, literally two lines of stitching next to each other, and then finished. I couldn’t wrap my head around that one – why? for extra… strength? what? – so I compromised and used french seams for construction. I figured – hey, it’s technically a double-stitched seam, right? Plus, a french seam just looks way more elegant than a serged seam.

The armholes and neckline (sorry, didn’t take a photo, whoops) are finished with self-made bias binding (aka SILK CREPE bias binding). It looks really beautiful, if I do say so myself. It was also way less of a bitch to sew on than you’d think – despite the fact that we’re talking about bias silk crepe here. I used a lot of steam and manhandled that shit into submission. I also didn’t follow the directions on the pattern for adding the binding – they kind of had a weird method of construction, and I have a better one (sorry, but it’s true. Stay tuned for a photo tutorial during the OAL!). One big awesome plus is that the bias binding is applied flat, so you don’t have to worry about it stretching out and not fitting the area it’s binding – you can just cut the excess off! Hells yeah!

Vogue 1395

Size-wise, I cut the smallest size, which is an 8 in this design (anyone know why some patterns go all the way down to a 4 and some stop at 6 or 8? What’s up with that?). It fits ok – the arm holes, though. Whoa. Those arm holes were TERRIBLE. When I say they showed my bra, I don’t mean they just showed the very top edge. I mean they showed the ENTIRE SIDE of my bra (and a little bit below it!). Suffice to say, the arm holes were way too low! The back overlay does cover some of that, but it’s a moot point once you start moving around.

I fixed my dress in the most MacGyver way possible – I just pulled the shoulders up and gave them a new seamline. This was actually really easy thanks to my french seams, haha! I ended up pulling off about 1.5″ from the top of the shoulders – which yeah, that’s a lot! – and now the dress fits a hell of a lot better. The neckline obviously raised a lot too, but that’s ok – I kind of like it higher, I think it looks better with the shape/length. Plus, now I can bend over without fearing the gapeage.

Vogue 1395

Trying to figure out how the dress is pieced together? It’s really simple – there’s a front and back bodice (unlined, so make sure your fabric is opaque!), and the back bodice has an overlay that is only stitched down about 4″ at the center back. The slightly curved skirt is lined (I used china silk), and there is an elastic waist.

Vogue 1395

The back overlay crosses the side seams and ties at the front, which gives the dress a little bit of shape (that you can totally loosen after you’ve eaten a bunch of cupcakes because, fuck yeah, elasticized waist). Keep in mind that the wrong side of the ties show – it’s just a rolled hem all the way around, no lining – so you want to make sure you use a fabric that is relatively the same on both sides. The wrong side of this fabric is a little lighter than the right side, but it’s hardly noticeable.

Vogue 1395

What else did I change about the instructions? Well, I hated the way they had you hem stuff – lots of basting, pressing, and trimming. BOOORING! I used my rolled hem foot and finished much faster (with better results to boot!). I also could not FOR THE LIFE OF ME figure out how they had you attach the shoulders of all 3 layers. It just plain didn’t make sense, and I was french seamin’ that shit anyway (this was before the Armhole Disaster), so I did it my way and used french seams. Best way, I think!

Vogue 1395

Vogue 1395

Per usual, I threw both silks in the washing machine on cold before cutting, so now I don’t have to dryclean this guy! Yay! Talk about a casual day dress. I did notice that the black faded quite a bit on this silk crepe – so it’s more like, I dunno, light black or dark grey – but I don’t even care. It’s worth it just to know that I don’t have to schlep out to the dry cleaner every time I want to wear this. Which, btw, I would never do, because dry cleaning is the worst. Not because it’s terrible for the environment (although I reckon that’s a factor), but because I actually have to GO somewhere and PAY for it. Ew! Nope!

Vogue 1395

Anyway, cute new summer dress for meeee! I love it when my casual duds crossover into involving luxe fabrics. THIS, my friends, is why I sew.

As a sidenote – my pal Beth is gearing up to release her first pattern, and she needs testers! I know a lot of y’all were dying to dip your toes in to the tester pool, so here’s your chance to shine! Check out this blog post to see the skirt pattern in question (it’s super cute – I was actually on the list to test this, but my schedule this month has blown up all crazy so I had to bow out) and go ahead, throw your name in the hat :) You know you wanna :)

Vogue Sewing Patterns: Spring 2014

8 Apr

I know, I’m a couple weeks late on the new Vogue sewing patterns. I almost didn’t bother writing a review up- mostly because I think the majority of the styles are kind of meh. Like, not even good enough to poke fun at. However, there are also quite a few patterns that I actually really like and you best believe I’ll be hollering at them during the next $3.99 sale. So, while negative reviews are much more funny – let’s give credit where credit is due, yes?

V1398
Vogue 1398
A little twee with the scallops, but it’s still pretty cute. I think it would look especially nice if the bodice and skirt were in different fabrics, so it looked like a skirt+top set.

V1393
Vogue 1393
LOVE. THIS. Go look at the line drawing – wouldn’t this be awesome in navy and white cotton sateen? Or even chambray and white bastiste, if you wanted to keep it super casual.

V1395
Vogue 1395
Pretty! I even like the fabric they used – which is a first.

V9000
Vogue 9000
Vogue gets an A+ on the styling here.

V8998
Vogue 8998
GIRL YES.

V8997
Vogue 8997
YES AGAIN.

V9005
Vogue 9005
NO NO NO NO NO.

V8996
Vogue 8996
I’m starting to hate this woman because I’m pretty sure she looks good in everything.

V8994
Vogue 8994
lololol omg you guys, she ~busted out of the background~ here

V9001
Vogue 9001
This is really pretty and I want it.

V8993
Vogue 8993
I think I want this one too.

V1399
Vogue 1399
You know those mudflaps they put behind the tires of semi trucks? This dress has waist mudflaps. Someone should applique a naked lady lounging on each one.

V1390
Vogue 1390
Not too crazy about the photos here, but I could see this pattern having a lot of good potential.

V1392
Vogue 1392
You know it’s a bad pattern when the model has to contort her body to hold the shoulders up for the photo.

V1394
VOgue 1394
The potato sack with a belt!

V1396
Vogue 1396
Vogue: STILL trying to make the danglies happen.

V1402
Vogue 1402
This has got to be one of those most unflattering silhouettes I’ve seen Vogue push on a model lately.

V1397
Vogue 1397
Or maybe this one. Cute pattern, bad fabric choice. What the hell did they use – curtains?

V1400
Vogue 1400
The peek-a-boo facing is a nice touch.

V1401
Vogue 1401
I’m just going to ignore the worst of this and say: Oh, look. More danglies.

V1403
Vogue 1403
I’m merely posting this because I am fascinated by the sudden change in background.

V9003
Vogue 9003
Do you think that model is high? She looks high to me. Probably trying to numb the pain of wearing that… thing.

V9016
Vogue 9016
2005 called, they want their useless shrugs back.

V9009
Vogue 9009
I get that it’s part of the style lines, but the darts where the lapels should be just look like they are lapels that got pushed up by the wind and I want to push them back down.

V9013
Vogue 9013
I take back everything I just said about the lapels.

V9004
Vogue 9004
That crooked neckline looks like a mistake.

V9012
Vogue 9012
Wait, are these supposed to be pajamas or something you actually wear in public?

V9015
Vogue 9015
And there she is again! JUST GO BE PERFECT SOMEWHERE ELSE, GAH.

What do you think? See anything that strikes your fancy in this batch?

Vogue Patterns 2014 Spring/Summer Collection

6 Jan

The new Vogue collection can actually be summed up in one word: Zzzzzzz….

Forreal, don’t fall asleep while browsing these.

V8972
Vogue 8972
Despite how boring this looks in the picture, it’s actually pretty great – lots of customization options for the skirt and sleeves, and it would look really cool with some fabric colorblocking. I definitely plan on picking up a copy for myself. Yay Vogue! U did it!

V1381
Vogue 1381
Hm, looks familiar

V8990
Voge 8990
Even though it totally looks like a cross between a laptop case and a Bible holder, I gotta give Vogue props for making a handbag pattern that actually looks like something people would carry. Kind of, anyway.

V1383
Vogue 1383
Macaron with bonus danglies!

V8987
Vogue 8987
Could be useful if you needed a sew a uniform for your boyfriend who works at a country club, I guess.

V1379
Vogue 1379
That giant armhole looks like a portal that leads straight to hell.

V8973
Vogue 8973
I think this might be cute, but holyeeee shit how unflattering does it look on the model??

V8974
Vogue 8974
Seriously, are they putting forth any effort whatsoever?

V1389
Vogue 1389
Like, this actually looks cool as shit when you look at the line drawings, but would you ever guess that from just seeing the picture?

V8969
Vogue 8969
Apparently they’re not even trying to make the super stylized/unrealistic line drawings even look flattering anymore.

V8970
Vogue 8970
I rest my case.

V1385
Vogue 1385
Vagina neckline.

V8981
Vogue 8981
This is so stupid, it’s actually making me a little angry.

V8982
Vogue 8982
I also irrationally hate this; the asymmetrical hem just looks like they fucked something up during the sewing process. Whyyyy.

V1388
Vogue 1388
I don’t necessarily hate this jacket, it’s just confusing the shit out of me. Looks like a combination jacket and vest? Help?

V8984
Vogue 8984
I… what.

V8975
Vogue 8975
michael-scott-no
That gif about sums up how I feel.

So, what do you think? Anyone else fall asleep yet?

Giveaway: Vintage Patterns from She’ll Make You Flip

26 Dec

First up, a big thanks for all your comments on my last post. The outpouring of support I received was much-needed and absolutely appreciated. The good news: Dad made it home for Christmas! That alone was by far the best part of the day :) so thanks again, everyone, for your prayers and positive thoughts. Love you all!

Dad's finally home! Best Christmas present ever

Now, I don’t know about y’all, but for me, the day after Christmas means I’m doing two things:
1. Laying on the middle of the floor, basking in the glow of all my gifts surrounding me in a circle; and/or
2. Sitting at the computer, trying to frantically spend my Christmas money before it burns a hole through my wallet

While I can’t help you with #1 (I mean, if you were bad, that’s totally your fault and no one is feeling sorry for you today), I can help you with #2. Or, rather, She’ll Make You Flip sure can!

She’ll Make You Flip is a shop that specializes in sewing patterns – vintage patterns from the 20s-70s, and modern out of print patterns. They will also occasionally offer a smattering of sewing magazines, embroidery and needlework transfers, fabrics, laces and trims as they become available. Honestly, I probably have enough vintage patterns in my stash to bury myself in should I need to, but that doesn’t stop me from browsing the offerings in this shop and playing pick-the-best, which is my favorite game by the way.

m4118
McCall 4118

m4115
McCall 4115
Like these two WWII era shirtwaist dresses. GET IN MY LIFE, Y’ALL.

m4448
McCall 4448
Two piece 1940s dress? Check.

m7646
McCall 7646
Late 40s classy lady dress with fancy detailing at the bodice? You got it!

v5630
Vogue 5630
Ok, I’ll drag myself out of the 40s but first get a load of this – ! That zig-zag colorblocking is amazing.

m3151
McCall 3151
I love love love the strong shoulders on this 30s career jacket. I don’t say this too often, but that shit is smart as fuck.

s3708
Simplicity 3708
1950s more your bag? No worries, I got ya! Check out this shirtwaist – quite a bit different from the 1940s models above, yeah?

m8484
McCall 8484
This little collared dress is just asking to be made up in a fun striped cotton.

m8646
McCall 8646
This swing coat is just killing me – look at the lady on the right with the popped collar. She’s so smug, and yet I don’t blame her one bit.

b5655
Butterick 5655
I think this casual little 60s dress looks like the comfiest thing ever.

m5603
McCall 5603
Or one could be the opposite of comfy in this, but look fierce as all get out.

s5900
Simplicity 5900
I’m suddenly dying to channel my inner Elizabeth Taylor with this incredible caftan.

m3246
McCall 3246
Or just go all-out hippy with this fabulous maxi dress. Look at that thing! That’s a dress that’s begging to be lived in all summer long.

m4182
McCall 4182
But what I’m honestly, REALLY loving most are these 70s FOOTIE PAJAMAS. YOU GUYS. I WANT THESE SO BAD I CAN’T BREATHE.

Now that I’ve gotten you all excited, I have a present for one of you! She’ll Make You Flip has generously offered a $25 store credit to one lucky winner! Yay! To enter, all you need to do is visit the shop and leave a comment letting me know what pattern you’d choose if you’re the winner. That’s it! This giveaway is open WORLDWIDE and I will close the entries at Wednesday, 1/1/14 at 8AM CST.
GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED

If you’ve already found your dream pattern and can’t bear the thought of it becoming the One That Got Away, you can use the coupon code LLADYBIRD20 to get 20% off your purchase through the end of 2013. Yes! Go spend that Christmas money before it sets itself on fire!

Good luck!

Vogue Patterns 2013 Winter Collection

11 Nov

Happy Monday, everyone! I just want y’all to know that I passed my kidney stone over the weekend (and yes, it’s a big deal, and yes, I know y’all were just sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for an update), so let’s celebrate! Vogue has graciously decided to gift us with a new season of patterns! Hope you made a strong cup of coffee for this one.

V8943
Vogue 8943
This is inoffensive, it just looks exactly like a lace dress they released a couple of years ago.

V8947
Vogue 8947
Galaxy dress, much?

V8952
Vogue 8952
Briar, much?

V8950
Vogue 8950
Ensis Tee, much?

V1368
Vogue 1368
Again, it’s not bad, but the styling is something else. A matching skirt and top set made in bright purple with tinsel running through it? Oook, Vogue.

V8951
Vogue 8951
What’s with the buttflap, tho?

V8944
Vogue 8944
Ok, THAT is cute.

V8949
Vogue 8949
Oooh, this too!

V8946
Vogue 8946
Someone pls explain to me why you would take a pattern with a million tucks and pleats and other interesting details, and make it up in the busiest fabric you can find.

V1372
Vogue 1372
For the Michelin man in all of us.

V1373
Vogue 1373
Don’t worry about the other arm, she can totally handle the cold.

V8960
Vogue 8960
Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize the ugliest part of the 90s was back.

V8957
Vogue 8957
OH GOD, THE 80S TOO.

V1377
Vogue 1377
This is probably the only time you will ever hear me say this, but this is least-worst Koos Van Den Akker pattern I’ve ever seen.

V8961
Vogue 8961
Woof.

V1378
Vogue 1378
Just being nitpicky – I don’t think that’s a flattering length.

V8953
Vogue 8953
Still being nitpicky, but this is not a winter top?

V8955
Vogue 8955
I don’t hate this, I just hate that it is PANTS. Whyyyyyy.

V8945
Vogue 8945
Nope.

V8954a
V8954b
Vogue 8954
lol, this is seriously one of the worst ones in this collection. Like, wtf is even going on here? That shit looks like a SPIDERWEB.

V1375
Vogue 1375
Hm, ok.

V1376
Vogue 1376
Vogue: Still trying to make the danglies happen.

V8964
Vogue 8964
I guess it wouldn’t be a proper Vogue photoshoot without a random shirtless man.

V8966
V8966a
V8966b
V8966c
V8966d
Vogue 8966
That’s it, I quit.

Sewing Plans – Fall/Winter 2013

20 Sep

The best part about the season change is planning a new wardrobe, amirite? As my current plans appear to be spread all over the world (some on Pinterest, some on Flickr, some just in my head), I like to group it all into one place. So here we go!

Of course, there are the not-as-exciting basics – leggings and hoodies and sweaters. I also have specific plans for special patterns and fabrics, which can be a little harder to keep track of – hence this post. Obviously y’all don’t come to my blog for my stellar photography and photoshopping skills, so overlook that part, thnx. Also, I got way too into this and could have continued slapping pictures together and creating link parties here for the next 24 hours, but I made myself stop at 10. You are welcome.

Hawthorn
Pattern: Colette Pattern’s Hawthorn dress, with some sleeve modifications.
Fabric: Blue/Purple cotton plaid from my stash (srsly been hoarding this for a couple of years)

Tania
Pattern: Megan Nielsen’s Tania culottes
Fabric: Linen/Silk suiting blend, also from the stash. This stuff is so beautiful and I’ve never settled on a suitable pattern for it. The more I wear my summer Tanias, though, the more I love the idea of a flippy wool miniskirt. Except by skirt, I mean shorts ;)

Archer
Pattern: Grainline Studio’s Archer button-up
Fabric: Plaid Cotton Flannel. Actually, can I just make everything in flannel?

Anna
Pattern: By Hand London’s Anna Dress – short with slash neckline
Fabric: Sheer black with sparkly leaves all over, another stash piece. God, this stuff is amazing. I plan on wearing it over a black slip, instead of lining.

Zinnia
Pattern: Colette Pattern’s Zinnia skirt (the newest one!)
Fabric: Anna Sui Satin Panel print. I don’t know why I’m so in love with this print – nor am I sure it will actually fit on the skirt pattern pieces – but I’m willing to try.

Peter and the Wolf
Pattern: Papercut Pattern’s Peter & The Wolf Pants
Fabric: Stretch suiting (with flocked polka dots!) from Mood Fabric’s store. DREAM FABRIC, Y’ALL.

Pencil Trousers
Pattern: Burdastyle Pencil Trousers
Fabric: Floral Stretch Denim

Vogue 1610
Pattern: Vogue 1610, vintage
Fabric: Floral border print jersey, a fabric gift from Carolyn. What’s funny is she also has apparently made this same pattern (although not with the same fabric I’m planning, obviously). Does that sound like fate or what?

Lola
Pattern: Victory Patterns’ Lola dress
Fabric: Thakoon Cotton sweatshirt knit

Vogue 2765
Pattern: Vogue 2765, vintage
Fabric: Black & White Plaid wool coating

Ok, now we need to talk about this coat. I haven’t decided what view to make – it will be short, but hood or no hood? I also haven’t settled on a lining color, so let’s have some opinions! Midnight Blue? Tango Red? Mandarin? Buttercup Yellow? I don’t really want to go with white or black, too boring!

What are your plans for the new season? Anyone else want to make a coat with me? :)

Oh, Vogue.

24 Jan

Nothing like some Vogue-hate to cheer me up when I’m having a shitty week, amirite. Thanks, Vogue!

V1341
Vogue 1341
I don’t get this. It looks someone tried draping for the first time and failed as hard as they could possibly fail.

V1342
Vogue 1342
True story: I check my Google search terms every day (because they are hilarious and awesome) and my very favorite one was when someone found my blog by searching “buttcrack sundress.” I always wondered what a buttcrack sundress was. Now I will wonder no more.

V1340
V1340 (1)
Vogue 1340
From the puffy darts to the shitty fit to the sad attempt at whatever is going on there with the neckline, this dress makes my heart hurt.

V1337
Vogue 1337
No comment on the dress, I just think the pose is really really funny.
COME AT ME, BRO.

V1338
Vogue 1338
Y U mad, tho?

V1347
Vogue 1347
Vogue, stop trying to make the danglies happen.

V8873
Vogue 8873
The pattern describes this as a “fitted bodice.” I don’t know about you, but nothing about that bodice looked fitted to me.

V8870
Vogue 8870
Well, that pattern placement is just tragic.

V1345
Vogue 1345
NOPE.

V8887
Vogue 8887
I actually don’t mind this get-up too much (except for that pants length… yikes). I just wanted to make fun of her shoes.

V8879
Vogue 8879
The fuck is going on here.

V8883
Vogue 8883
Vogue, what did we just talk about regarding those danglies.

V8891
Vogue 8891
The prettiest beekeeper you ever did see.

I’m noticing a new trend here, in that NOTHING FUCKING FITS ANY OF THESE MODELS. What the hell! I know that most fashion magazines pin back the clothing to make it tight on the models, but ffs Vogue you had these things sewn for you. Could you not size down?? Compare the actual pants to the line drawing here. Those are not supposed to be Hammer pants, contrary to what the photo would have you believe. I’m just… I have no words. No words at all.

Vogue, go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done.

NO! Bad Vogue!

31 Oct

Soooooo Vogue just released their fall/winter sewing patterns. (Un?)Forunately, they aren’t too bad this time around. Not a lot of snark here; these are actually pretty boring & blah and ughh I almost didn’t bother posting because I was just so fucking underwhelmed. Seriously – even Koos van den Akker appears to have left the crazy at home this time. But, I dunno, it’s a slow day & the requests have started trickling in so I’ll just consider this my Treat to y’all. No tricks, please!

One thing that stuck out to me this go-round was the sheer amount of unnecessarily frivolous patterns.

V8858
Vogue 8858
Such as… oh, I don’t know, this flamingo flamenco skirt?

V8850
Vogue 8850
Or this vintage repro – while beautiful, I just don’t see a modern woman waltzing around the office with a giant slab of fabric hanging off her waist like a forgotten napkin. Or am I just being a bitter old hag here? Maybe it’s the cheap shiny satin, but this pattern is getting the serious side-eye from me right now.

V8853
Vogue 8853
A flowy ruffled blouse with a matching flowy ruffled caplet in the same eye-bleedingly busy print? SIGN ME UP.

V8846
Vogue 8846
Or perhaps you fancy a dress with a built-in cape? It is Halloween, after all.

V1335
Vogue 1335
Buzz Lightyear, to the rescue!

V8868
Vogue 8868
I know everyone is freaking out over the fascinators, and I’m not going to rain on your parade for fear y’all are gonna eat me alive.
All I am gonna say is, it looks like the black-eyed children have finally found a way to be invited into your home (spooky link alert, FYI!)

V1334
Vogue 1334
Nothing earth-shattering here, only the most unflattering outfit I think I’ve ever seen.

V1332
Vogue 1332
REAL TALK: This straight-up looks like a vagina.

V8855
Vogue 8855
Wonderful pocket place y’all got there!

V8867
Vogue 8867
They finally did away with the randumb giant leaves this time, and instead settled on using decapitated arms.

V8869
Vogue 8869
“BLIIIINDED BY THE LIGHT- WRAPPED UP LIKE A DOUCHE, ANOTHER BONER IN THE NIGHT~”

More Vogue WTF:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

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