Tag Archives: are you serious with this shit

Vogue Patterns 2014: Fall Collection

16 Jul

I actually had a legit blog post planned for today. But then, Vogue went and released their Fall patterns for 2014. Merry Christmas in July, y’all!

Before I go any further, let me address the inevitable “WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO VOGUE OMGGG” comments:

I+DON+T+GIVE+A+FUCK_b3dd59_3577430

HA! :) Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some snarking to do ;)

V1416
Vogue 1416
Well, well! Looks like someone got a discount on that bolt of neon purple polyester satin.

Also, let this be a cautionary tale:
V1416back
If you don’t properly press your seams, you *will* end up with Vagina Butt.

V1417
Vogue 1417
Was 1373 leaving your arm in the cold? No worries, we’ve got that (and yer neck!) covered!

V1414
Vogue 1414
I was inclined to like this until I realized the top has a boob flap. Why, Vogue. Why.

V9035
Vogue 9035
I don’t get this. I understand that the designer was trying to do something funky with the seaming details, but the overall effect is that she made a bunch of mistakes and half-assed trying to fix them.

V9035
Like, look at that cuff. JUST LOOK AT IT.

V1410
Vogue 1410
Well, that just looks stupid.

V1407
Vogue 1407
This is actually REALLY cute and I can totally see Carolyn rocking the shit out of it.

V1408
Vogue 1408
Ack, I love this one too! It would look awesome with a contrasting fabric to really show off all those seam details.

V1409
Vogue 1409
So, the seamlines+color scheme+texture (I’m guessing it’s stretch velvet?) on this dress totally makes me think of a saber toothed tiger. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I guess, if you’re into that sort of thing. I tried to Google y’all a picture of a saber toothed tiger just to prove my point… and instead I came across this:

richard_nixon_fighting_a_saber_tooth_tiger_by_sharpwriter-d6bln06
Yes, you saw that right. That is Richard Nixon punching a saber toothed tiger.

There’s also this amazingness from the same artist. HOLY SHIT THIS GUY IS AWESOME.

Thanks, Google!

Ok, back to Vogue…

V1404
Vogue 1404
Hm, could be hit or miss.

BUT(t)…

V1404hem
The topstitched hem is pretty snazzy, amirite? High five, Vogue!

V1419
Vogue 1419
Not really sure how I feel about this one. It’s very different and I do like that. I can’t stand the sleeves, though. All I want to do is grab that underarm excess and pinch it.

V1406
Vogue 1406
Yo Vogue, your epileptic fabric choices mean I CAN’T SEE SHIT!

V9040
Vogue 9040
I just wanted to point out that, again, the wall is collapsing around her. They really should hire a building inspector to take a look at that place before someone gets hurt.

V9038
Vogue 9038
I swear to God, this is LITERALLY a rectangle of fabric with a cutout down the middle.

V1413
Vogue 1413
No, Vogue, you can’t do that – that’s just cheating.

V9029
Vogue 9029
WAY too many ruffley/dangly options, but all in all – not half bad. I’d sew it!

V9036
Vogue 9036
Way to take a really cool pattern and make it look like a throwback to the embarrassing part of the early 90s.

V1411
Vogue 1411
Whaaaaaaat! These are awesome.

V9028
Vogue 9028
Who the hell puts an invisible zipper (aka not a design element) in a knit top? What the fuck.
Side note: I just made the mistake of staring at her bun, and now I’m lost in a vortex of swirling hair. Magic!

V9031
Vogue 9031
Who draws these things, anyway? Like, who sat there and thought, “Hmm, you know what this skirt needs? LEOPARD PRINT*.”

(*y’all know I fucking love leopard print. But, as with everything good, there is a time and a place. This was not the time, nor the place.)

V9037
Vogue 9037
I am convinced that they just rephotograph/redraw this every season and call it new.

V9024
Vogue 9024
Even the model can’t figure out where the other half of her peplum went.

V9021
Vogue 9021
For me, going through the Vogue patterns from top to bottom is like browsing Netflix. The first few rows are attention grabbing, but as you go down, they get progressively worse.

V9018
Vogue 9018
Not

V9020
Vogue 9020
Even

V9033
Vogue 9033
Trying

V9042
Vogue 9042
Can we discuss how utterly ADORABLE these little kids patterns are, though?

V9043
Vogue 9043
Like, holy shit, I think they almost brought my shriveled up ovaries back to life.

V9041
Vogue 9041
And, you know… in case you forgot where babies come from, Vogue is here to remind you.

V9044
Vogue 9044
This will be very useful for those days when you have no pockets or purse and need to stash things in your hat.

V9045
Vogue 9045
Lord, Vogue, haven’t we already discussed this?

V9045bridal
Whatever. Don’t let me stop you.

In other Vogue news, I noticed that Vogue is taking notes for a future sewalong, as well as a giveaway for one of the new patterns (they didn’t ask me to promote this, btw. Just noticed and figured some of y’all would be interested!). They’ve really been pushing the social media lately and I think it’s awesome! Just, you know… keep releasing a healthy dose of wtf patterns and/or envelope with wacky styling, please. I need something to entertain me.

What do you think about these new patterns? See any you love or love to laugh at?

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Vogue Sewing Patterns: Spring 2014

8 Apr

I know, I’m a couple weeks late on the new Vogue sewing patterns. I almost didn’t bother writing a review up- mostly because I think the majority of the styles are kind of meh. Like, not even good enough to poke fun at. However, there are also quite a few patterns that I actually really like and you best believe I’ll be hollering at them during the next $3.99 sale. So, while negative reviews are much more funny – let’s give credit where credit is due, yes?

V1398
Vogue 1398
A little twee with the scallops, but it’s still pretty cute. I think it would look especially nice if the bodice and skirt were in different fabrics, so it looked like a skirt+top set.

V1393
Vogue 1393
LOVE. THIS. Go look at the line drawing – wouldn’t this be awesome in navy and white cotton sateen? Or even chambray and white bastiste, if you wanted to keep it super casual.

V1395
Vogue 1395
Pretty! I even like the fabric they used – which is a first.

V9000
Vogue 9000
Vogue gets an A+ on the styling here.

V8998
Vogue 8998
GIRL YES.

V8997
Vogue 8997
YES AGAIN.

V9005
Vogue 9005
NO NO NO NO NO.

V8996
Vogue 8996
I’m starting to hate this woman because I’m pretty sure she looks good in everything.

V8994
Vogue 8994
lololol omg you guys, she ~busted out of the background~ here

V9001
Vogue 9001
This is really pretty and I want it.

V8993
Vogue 8993
I think I want this one too.

V1399
Vogue 1399
You know those mudflaps they put behind the tires of semi trucks? This dress has waist mudflaps. Someone should applique a naked lady lounging on each one.

V1390
Vogue 1390
Not too crazy about the photos here, but I could see this pattern having a lot of good potential.

V1392
Vogue 1392
You know it’s a bad pattern when the model has to contort her body to hold the shoulders up for the photo.

V1394
VOgue 1394
The potato sack with a belt!

V1396
Vogue 1396
Vogue: STILL trying to make the danglies happen.

V1402
Vogue 1402
This has got to be one of those most unflattering silhouettes I’ve seen Vogue push on a model lately.

V1397
Vogue 1397
Or maybe this one. Cute pattern, bad fabric choice. What the hell did they use – curtains?

V1400
Vogue 1400
The peek-a-boo facing is a nice touch.

V1401
Vogue 1401
I’m just going to ignore the worst of this and say: Oh, look. More danglies.

V1403
Vogue 1403
I’m merely posting this because I am fascinated by the sudden change in background.

V9003
Vogue 9003
Do you think that model is high? She looks high to me. Probably trying to numb the pain of wearing that… thing.

V9016
Vogue 9016
2005 called, they want their useless shrugs back.

V9009
Vogue 9009
I get that it’s part of the style lines, but the darts where the lapels should be just look like they are lapels that got pushed up by the wind and I want to push them back down.

V9013
Vogue 9013
I take back everything I just said about the lapels.

V9004
Vogue 9004
That crooked neckline looks like a mistake.

V9012
Vogue 9012
Wait, are these supposed to be pajamas or something you actually wear in public?

V9015
Vogue 9015
And there she is again! JUST GO BE PERFECT SOMEWHERE ELSE, GAH.

What do you think? See anything that strikes your fancy in this batch?

Vogue Patterns 2014 Spring/Summer Collection

6 Jan

The new Vogue collection can actually be summed up in one word: Zzzzzzz….

Forreal, don’t fall asleep while browsing these.

V8972
Vogue 8972
Despite how boring this looks in the picture, it’s actually pretty great – lots of customization options for the skirt and sleeves, and it would look really cool with some fabric colorblocking. I definitely plan on picking up a copy for myself. Yay Vogue! U did it!

V1381
Vogue 1381
Hm, looks familiar

V8990
Voge 8990
Even though it totally looks like a cross between a laptop case and a Bible holder, I gotta give Vogue props for making a handbag pattern that actually looks like something people would carry. Kind of, anyway.

V1383
Vogue 1383
Macaron with bonus danglies!

V8987
Vogue 8987
Could be useful if you needed a sew a uniform for your boyfriend who works at a country club, I guess.

V1379
Vogue 1379
That giant armhole looks like a portal that leads straight to hell.

V8973
Vogue 8973
I think this might be cute, but holyeeee shit how unflattering does it look on the model??

V8974
Vogue 8974
Seriously, are they putting forth any effort whatsoever?

V1389
Vogue 1389
Like, this actually looks cool as shit when you look at the line drawings, but would you ever guess that from just seeing the picture?

V8969
Vogue 8969
Apparently they’re not even trying to make the super stylized/unrealistic line drawings even look flattering anymore.

V8970
Vogue 8970
I rest my case.

V1385
Vogue 1385
Vagina neckline.

V8981
Vogue 8981
This is so stupid, it’s actually making me a little angry.

V8982
Vogue 8982
I also irrationally hate this; the asymmetrical hem just looks like they fucked something up during the sewing process. Whyyyy.

V1388
Vogue 1388
I don’t necessarily hate this jacket, it’s just confusing the shit out of me. Looks like a combination jacket and vest? Help?

V8984
Vogue 8984
I… what.

V8975
Vogue 8975
michael-scott-no
That gif about sums up how I feel.

So, what do you think? Anyone else fall asleep yet?

Vogue Patterns 2013 Fall Collection

30 Jul

Yaaaaay, new Vogue Patterns are in!

This batch wasn’t too bad – the patterns themselves aren’t necessarily terrible (for the most part), but the fabric choices still give us something to giggle over. Which brings me to to my next question – do you think Vogue is onto me? Are they purposefully giving us lols at this point?

Whatever, don’t stop! We like the entertainment!

V1366
Vogue 1366
I don’t have anything to snark about this one, really. Questionable fabric choices aside, I would wear the shit out of those pants.

V1361
Vogue 1361
I like this IN THEORY, but I also keep noticing that the tucks are not evenly spaced and that back seam looks less bias and more crooked and it’s making my eye twitch.
Oh god, I just realized the collar is totally lopsided too. I take back every positive thought I had about this dress.

V1358
Vogue 1358
The style lines on this dress are not half bad (although the drapey poof sleeves need to go), but whyyyy would you sew this up in shiny purple? She looks like she’s melting.

V1362
Vogue 1362
I love the waist pleating on this dress, just not that bullshit going on at the neckline. Wtf is the deal with that, anyway? It looks like Vogue 1340, except deflated.

V8930
Vogue 8930
Vagina coat, take two.

V8934
Vogue 8934
Ok, I know this is a ~Marcy Tilton~ and crazy fabrics are the whole point, but I’m hoping we can all agree that whatever that shiny reflective shit they have going on is a tragedy, and needs to be stopped.

V8919
Vogue 8919
Dolman sleeves with a faux boob-minimizing overalls. Ooook.

V8919a
Oooh, bonus shiny fabric! Gah, where do they find this stuff?

V8918
Vogue 8918
Vogue: Featuring necklines that only a mother could love.

V8921
Vogue 8921
I’m guessing this is supposed to be a replica of Princecess Kate’s Engagement dress, but the fit and shape here are all wrong. They could not have made this look more unflattering if they tried.
On a side note, one of the fabric requirements is Silk Spun Knit!? Whatever that is, I want me some!

V8922
Vogue 8922
This is a really cute dress, but woof at those fabric combinations.

V8927
Vogue 8927
PROTIP: If you’re going to put your model in a shirt that’s too big, don’t make the sleeves sheer lace that we can see through.

V8924
Vogue 8924
The best part of this picture is the shit in the bottom right corner. What is going on over there? Is the building falling down around her? Should we send for help?

V8926
Vogue 8926
I think we need to have a shiny fabric intervention.

V8936
Vogue 8936
This is… ok. It looks striking in the pictures (or is that just the model?), but I don’t know any woman who would wear such an exaggerated and long peplum. The back must be pushing a good 10″ away from her ass.

V8936a
Vogue must have gotten a discount on shitty pleather this season.

V8935
Vogue 8935
Boring.

V8939
Vogue 8939
Sister Wives: The Business Edition.

V8941
Vogue 8941
No Vogue release would be complete without the addition of an Ugly Hat.

Oh, look, I saved the best for last…

V8942c
V8942d
Vogue 8942
I don’t know about you, but it’s high time we had frog and owl purses in our respective wardrobes.

V8942b
That frog is just like, “… nope.”

V8942a
Oh god, I just noticed that there is a nest with eggs in the background of the owl picture. I’M DYING.

Me Made May ’13 – Week 1 Round-up

3 May

First off, thank you SO MUCH for the lovely comments on my lace trench yesterday! SHUCKS, Y’ALL. You sure know how to make a girl feel special ;)

Now, let’s round up the first week of Me-Made-May! I know, it’s not a full proper week… but I like to do my round-ups on Friday, soooo deal with it.

5/1
5/1
Dress: Cake Patterns Tiramisu
Cardigan: Miette
Shoes: Nine West
I spent most of this day sitting in a car (on my first ever ~business trip~ woohoo), so I opted for something comfortable that wouldn’t wrinkle. As a side note, those 4+ hours as a passenger meant I got a LOT of knitting done. Expect a sweater post sooner than later, ha.
Also, welcome to the ugly side of my sewing room.

5/2
5/2
Tshirt: Sewaholic Renfrew
Skirt: Vogue 8317
Belt: Banana Republic
Shoes: Thrifted (yes, I’m totally gross and I thrift shoes, DGAF)
I need to find more ways to wear this skirt, because every time I do I get SO many compliments on it (usually in the form of, “Oh, I love that skirt… OMG I LOVE THE BACK!!!!” haha). I think it would be really fun paired with navy, or even teal.

5-3
5/3
Top: Papercut Patterns La Sylphide
Jeans: Imogene+Willie
Shoes: Keds
(not shown: Sewaholic Patterns Minorou jacket)
These jeans are my one piece of “cheat” clothing. MMM is all about focusing on wearing, well, me-mades, but let’s be real here – these are my only pair of jeans (yep!) and May is most likely the very last month I’m going to be able to wear them before it gets too hot for the summer. Considering I paid a shit ton of money for them and I love the everloving shit outta them, I decided the jeans are my free pass as long as the rest of the outfit is LT-made. I mean… they are handmade, just by someone else. That counts, right? :)
Also, it’s cold today and I wanted to wear pants. So there.

So that’s that! A short week of Me Made May; next Friday should be a little more interesting :)

Now, let’s talk about the new Vogue patterns that just came out.

They are actually pretty boring, sad to say :( Like a good 3/4 of them look exactly like patterns that were released last season, or the season before… just different fabrics and/or models. I do want to point out that whoever they have modeling with the red hair is a TOTAL BABE.

V1354
Vogue 1354
Am I right? BABE CITY USA.
I don’t even notice the ridic poses because I’m too busy being jealous THAT I DON’T LOOK LIKE THAT.

Then there’s this:
V8900
Vogue 8900
It’s… interesting. Definitely not a style that many people can pull off (both waist cut-outs AND a top that can barely accommodate a bra), but I don’t think pattern companies necessarily need to make stuff that flatters *everyone*, you know? I’ll give them credit for being interesting, and ignore all those seams that are screaming to be pressed.

Then these happened:
V8913
Vogue 8913
I think we’ve reached a breaking point with these unnecessary buttflaps.

V8914
Vogue 8914
Everything about this is just unfortunate.

V8895
Vogue 8895
Someone please tell me in what world this dress would be considered flattering?! Her head looks so tiny in comparison!

V8897
Vogue 8897
Hideously unflattering tunic aside (which, I might add, is eerily similar to this previous hideously unflattering tunic) it appears that their iron must have exploded during the making of this since NOTHING is pressed. Just looking at that hem is making my eye twitch.

The rest of the patterns are so boring, they put me to sleep. Actually, that’s a great idea. I’m going to print them out and bind them in a little book for the next time I am dealing with insomnia. Thanks, Vogue!

Oh, Vogue.

24 Jan

Nothing like some Vogue-hate to cheer me up when I’m having a shitty week, amirite. Thanks, Vogue!

V1341
Vogue 1341
I don’t get this. It looks someone tried draping for the first time and failed as hard as they could possibly fail.

V1342
Vogue 1342
True story: I check my Google search terms every day (because they are hilarious and awesome) and my very favorite one was when someone found my blog by searching “buttcrack sundress.” I always wondered what a buttcrack sundress was. Now I will wonder no more.

V1340
V1340 (1)
Vogue 1340
From the puffy darts to the shitty fit to the sad attempt at whatever is going on there with the neckline, this dress makes my heart hurt.

V1337
Vogue 1337
No comment on the dress, I just think the pose is really really funny.
COME AT ME, BRO.

V1338
Vogue 1338
Y U mad, tho?

V1347
Vogue 1347
Vogue, stop trying to make the danglies happen.

V8873
Vogue 8873
The pattern describes this as a “fitted bodice.” I don’t know about you, but nothing about that bodice looked fitted to me.

V8870
Vogue 8870
Well, that pattern placement is just tragic.

V1345
Vogue 1345
NOPE.

V8887
Vogue 8887
I actually don’t mind this get-up too much (except for that pants length… yikes). I just wanted to make fun of her shoes.

V8879
Vogue 8879
The fuck is going on here.

V8883
Vogue 8883
Vogue, what did we just talk about regarding those danglies.

V8891
Vogue 8891
The prettiest beekeeper you ever did see.

I’m noticing a new trend here, in that NOTHING FUCKING FITS ANY OF THESE MODELS. What the hell! I know that most fashion magazines pin back the clothing to make it tight on the models, but ffs Vogue you had these things sewn for you. Could you not size down?? Compare the actual pants to the line drawing here. Those are not supposed to be Hammer pants, contrary to what the photo would have you believe. I’m just… I have no words. No words at all.

Vogue, go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done.

NO! Bad Vogue!

31 Oct

Soooooo Vogue just released their fall/winter sewing patterns. (Un?)Forunately, they aren’t too bad this time around. Not a lot of snark here; these are actually pretty boring & blah and ughh I almost didn’t bother posting because I was just so fucking underwhelmed. Seriously – even Koos van den Akker appears to have left the crazy at home this time. But, I dunno, it’s a slow day & the requests have started trickling in so I’ll just consider this my Treat to y’all. No tricks, please!

One thing that stuck out to me this go-round was the sheer amount of unnecessarily frivolous patterns.

V8858
Vogue 8858
Such as… oh, I don’t know, this flamingo flamenco skirt?

V8850
Vogue 8850
Or this vintage repro – while beautiful, I just don’t see a modern woman waltzing around the office with a giant slab of fabric hanging off her waist like a forgotten napkin. Or am I just being a bitter old hag here? Maybe it’s the cheap shiny satin, but this pattern is getting the serious side-eye from me right now.

V8853
Vogue 8853
A flowy ruffled blouse with a matching flowy ruffled caplet in the same eye-bleedingly busy print? SIGN ME UP.

V8846
Vogue 8846
Or perhaps you fancy a dress with a built-in cape? It is Halloween, after all.

V1335
Vogue 1335
Buzz Lightyear, to the rescue!

V8868
Vogue 8868
I know everyone is freaking out over the fascinators, and I’m not going to rain on your parade for fear y’all are gonna eat me alive.
All I am gonna say is, it looks like the black-eyed children have finally found a way to be invited into your home (spooky link alert, FYI!)

V1334
Vogue 1334
Nothing earth-shattering here, only the most unflattering outfit I think I’ve ever seen.

V1332
Vogue 1332
REAL TALK: This straight-up looks like a vagina.

V8855
Vogue 8855
Wonderful pocket place y’all got there!

V8867
Vogue 8867
They finally did away with the randumb giant leaves this time, and instead settled on using decapitated arms.

V8869
Vogue 8869
“BLIIIINDED BY THE LIGHT- WRAPPED UP LIKE A DOUCHE, ANOTHER BONER IN THE NIGHT~”

More Vogue WTF:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

New Vogue Sewing Patterns Are Here!

26 Jul

Oh my god, you guys – Vogue just released their newest line of sewing patterns! It’s like Christmas in July today!!!

Unfortunately, the new line-up isn’t really fit for snark. The designs are inoffensive, rather plain honestly. *YAWN*

So instead, we’re going to make fun of the pictures! Because they are hilarious . Also there is a mysterious window.

V1316
Vogue 1316
That kind of side eye comes from someone who has been hurt before.

V1313
Vogue 1313
I’m curious as to why they decided the perfect moment to take the picture was also the exact moment the model fell directly on her ass.

V1317
Vogue 1317
Lurks McGee

V1321
Vogue 1321
Incognito McGee

V1320
Vogue 1320
Invisible Chair.

V1312
Vogue 1312
Oh, God… I can’t even… is she popping a squat? WHO DECIDED ON THE POSES FOR THESE PICTURES?

V1324
Vogue 1324
“Don’t go… it’s… it’s not safe out there.”

V1325
Vogue 1325
“Ok, hon, it looks like you’re a little too tall for the frame. Do you mind crouching down a little? I need to get those killer Payless shoes in the picture as well. There. That’s good, that’ll work. You’re a natural, doll.”

In all seriousness, that 1325 suit is pretty fucking cute:
V1325 (1)

V1318
Vogue 1318
I would love to make some type of snarky comment implying that the fan is necessary when you are wearing a stank-inducing vest made of plastic alligator skin but I think the picture speaks for itself.

V8832
Vogue 8832
For the gay pirate in all of us.

V8844
Vogue 8844
Or, if you’re a shriner, we’ve got you covered on that end too

V1322
Vogue 1322
I need someone to explain this garment to me because I’m not entirely sure what I’m looking at. Is it… a suit jacket with no arms that has magically expanded into a cape?

V8843
Vogue 8843
I just love the randumb giant leaf they chose to include in all that handbag pictures.

V8829
Vogue 8829
A prime example of a tragic fabric choice. This pattern is actually super cute; it’s just impossible to see past the shiny on the envelope picture.

V1315
Vogue 1315
This one was my favorite, which is why I saved it for last. She looks like she’s creeping around a doorway and I spent about 10 minutes laughing at when I first saw it.

It is basically Christmas today, so I suppose I owe y’all a gift of some sorts:
picasion
I hope you like it.

New Vogue Sewing Patterns: Uglier Than Ever

26 Apr

I consider Vogue pattern releases something of a holiday. In the past, it was a day filled with awe & delight, mental math & frantic list-making. In the present, it’s a day filled with lols and eyebrow raises. I can’t decide which one I like better, personally.

I’ll start with the patterns I actually like – yes, there are a few!

V1302
Vogue 1302
This looks pretty straightforward on the front, it’s the back that makes me swoon.

V1302a
Bias-cut runching? SWOON.

V1302b
Here’s the line drawing if you are having trouble tearing your eyes away from that lovely fabric.

V1303
Vogue 1303
Also loving this one, although it’s a little hard to see in the detail in that busy print.

V1303a

V8807
Vogue 8807
Actually, I can’t tell if I like this pattern or if I’m just freaking out over the fabric. I think it’s just the fabric.

V8812
Vintage Vogue 8812
PERFECT little sunndress!

V8812a
And the back! THE BACK.

V8814
Vogue 8814
All that bias & floaty makes this look like it would be really interesting to sew, and really fun to wear.
Note: There actually is a non-line drawing of this dress (aka with a live model) but the view they chose is totally hiddy so we’re just gonna stick with the line drawing.

V8804
Vogue 8804
I think it’s really awesome that Vogue has a classic Chanel jacket pattern *and* it’s a Claire Shaeffer pattern so it includes all the couture instructions that really(er, literally) make the jacket. I know this style of jacket isn’t for everyone – I personally wouldn’t wear it – but if I had the money to throw down, I would absolutely make one just for the experience.
Although, that styling is pretty lol.

… And that’ll do it for the pretty today.

Let’s get shit-talking!

V1301a
Vogue 1301
This starts out kind of ok. A little overload with the patterns there, but there’s something sweet & hippie-esque about it that doesn’t bother me too much.

V1301
Until she puts on the matching… well, I think that’s a coat, anyway.

V1301b
lolwut.

V1304
Vogue 1304
I know some people will disagree with me on this one (and I’m prepared to argue with you – I LOVE BICKERING), but this dress looks seriously uncomfortable and not at all flattering. There are way too many design elements going on here and the pleated bubble hem at the bottom looks like an afterthought.

V1304a
Look at how she’s standing just to keep the back up. I’m really curious to see what a hot mess this translates to in the real world, to be honest.

V1305
Vogue 1305
It looks pretty dramatic/stunning in the pictures, until you realize what a silly dress this actually is. There is WAY too much going on here, with the assymetrical everything & all that runching. There’s also a giant slit in the back that goes all the way down to the model’s buttcrack. No, I’m not posting a picture. I don’t want that trash in my Flickr, thnx.

V1306
Vogue 1306
No, this one isn’t terrible – although I think twisted (and braided, for that matter) straps look really Becky Homecky – I just think the picture is hilarious. Classic Derp face.

V8806
Vogue 8806
Wow, those are ugly shoes.

V8809
Vogue 8809
That hem looks like she ran out of fabric to get a proper length, but tried to overcompensate when it came to butt coverage.

V8818
Vogue 8818
This is actually kind of pretty, but I’m including it anyway because it’s basically a gathered elastic waistband (or drawstring) skirt. I think it should be noted that Vogue patterns run on the expensive incline (and this one in particular is $22.50), so it baffles me that someone would buy a $20+ pattern for something they would essentially make as their very first sewing project in Home Ec.

V8821
Vogue 8821
Vogue is really loving the mullet-hems this season.

V8817
Vogue 8817
ANOTHER MULLET-HEM

V8813
Vogue 8813
Tragedy.

V1297
Vogue 1297
Here is a good example of nice fabric hiding a pattern fail.

V1297a
It would appear that the pockets are actually extensions of the skirt that are pulled up with a drawstring. Just… why?

Oh, and let’s not forget the ugly purse patterns:
V1311
Vogue 1311
Koos van den Akker, you can’t fool me. Weird pattern clashing on a purse IS STILL UGLY.

V8823
V8823a
Vogue 8823
On the plus side, if you carried this purse, there would be absolutely no question as to whether or not you made it.

But wait! I saved the best for last.
V1307
V1307a
Vogue 1307
Oh boy. When this picture came up, I swear I thought Santa had sent me an early Christmas present. The shiny neon green animal print! The pleats! It’s like Hammer Pants for dummies!
I’m sorry, but the safest pair of Hammer Pants is no Hammer Pants at all.
Congratulations, Vogue 1307. You are officially the ugliest pattern in the bunch.

Want more Vouge Shit Talk? Check out Part 1 and Part 2

Amy Butler Patterns, and Why They Make Me Rage

1 Feb

I’m taking a tiny break from garment-sewing to do a little craft-sewing – specifically, I want a new handbag that is roomy enough to hold my Kindle Fire and maybe a little ball of yarn to knit on when I am stuck waiting somewhere. I don’t like big hold-everything-you-own-in-here bags and the going price of handbags makes me recoil in horror – you want me to pay how much for that fake leather thing that thousands of people have the exact same copy of because it’s from ~Target? Ew. No.

Do any of y’all ever sew stuff like purses & totes? I am all kinds of in love with the Sweet Harmony handbag and tote pattern from Amy Butler. I’ve actually made this pattern before and it’s the absolute perfect size and amount of pockets for me. LOVE IT. Unfortunately, it’s a little worse for the wear these days (aka: dirty) and I’m bored with that fabric so I’m making a new one.

amy butler sweet harmony handbag
Here’s my old one! More info/pictures in this craftster post if you are just dying over it or whatever.

I figured I could push one out and keep (mostly) in line with my fabric-buying ban – I already have the pattern, I could use the leftover wool coating from my lady grey, and I have all the notions on hand (including purse snaps!) so all I’d need to buy was a little piece of quilting cotton and some fusible fleece. Which I did buy, but here comes the title of this post.

AMY. What the hell is up with your fabric requirements?

My beef is that she just makes you buy way too much fabric. According to the fabric requirements (which are difficult enough to read as it is. I’m not even going to get into that today), I needed 1 5/8 yard of lining/cording/contrast fabric. After cutting my pieces out… I used maybe 1/2 yard. Fusible fleece – she tells me to buy 1 yard, I use about 1/3 yard (if that!). We are talking about quilting cotton that runs $13/yard minimum and fusible fleece that is about $9/yard. It adds up, especially when it’s fabrics that I don’t normally use, like quilting cotton. I don’t make garments with that stuff and I’m not too crazy about home decor sewing projects. So the remainder just sits on my shelf until I realize I’m not going to use and it give it away. The first time I made this purse, I had enough fabric left over to make a second one. Crazy.

My theory is that she is conspiring to make us buy more fabric – it can’t be a coincidence that she also has a (really amazing, btw)fabric line. Way to nickel and dime us to death, Amy. !!!CONSPIRACY!!!111!!

Does this piss anyone off as much as it pisses me off? I understand buying a little extra fabric to match patterns or weasel your way out of a sewing mistake, but I consider “extra” to be like 1/4 yard… not a full yard, certainly not more than that. Actually, the wool I’m using for the exterior of the purse was part of the same issue – I bought over 4 yards of fabric for my Lady Grey, as instructed by the pattern, and ended up with over a yard extra. That coating cost close to $20/yard, too! I don’t even pay attention to Colette yardage requirements anymore, to be honest… I cut out my pieces and measure what I need and write it on the envelope. Looks like I should be doing the same thing with Amy Butler patterns, ehhh.

Also, as lovely as Amy’s patterns are, I’m not really thrilled with the fact that I have to draft half the pieces myself & measure to do my own markings – uhhhh, isn’t that your job? You just made me pay $13 for the pattern, can you please just include the markings for the pocket placement with that? Ok?

Now that I’ve probably pissed off a bunch of Amy fans and I guess Amy herself, I’m going to soften the blow by pointing out that she does have some really cute patterns. And her fabrics are just gorgeous – yes, they are expensive, but it is quality fabric.


Rainy Days raincoat? I die.


The Weekender Bag is a personal favorite – I made this a few years ago, with my mama! I still use it all the time and it’s awesomeeeee. I should take a picture of it, huh?

Anyway, sewing this thing has been a total bore. I spent a couple of hours cutting the pattern pieces out (and grumbling to myself), then I had to trim seam allowances and corners off all the interfacing (again – these should be separate pattern pieces included in the pattern, in my opinion), and even more hours fusing interfacing to every.single.piece (sometimes twice!). Needless to say, that part sucked. Now I’m just in the process of wrestling all the layers under my sewing machine and beating the shit out of the seams with my clapper.

Lest you should think this entire sewing experience has been one complaint, I have been enjoying the bonding with my new Featherweight…
bonding with the Featherweight :)
See? It’s not all bad :)

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