I actually had a legit blog post planned for today. But then, Vogue went and released their Fall patterns for 2014. Merry Christmas in July, y’all!
Before I go any further, let me address the inevitable “WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO VOGUE OMGGG” comments:
HA! :) Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some snarking to do ;)
Well, well! Looks like someone got a discount on that bolt of neon purple polyester satin.
Also, let this be a cautionary tale:
If you don’t properly press your seams, you *will* end up with Vagina Butt.
Was 1373 leaving your arm in the cold? No worries, we’ve got that (and yer neck!) covered!
I was inclined to like this until I realized the top has a boob flap. Why, Vogue. Why.
I don’t get this. I understand that the designer was trying to do something funky with the seaming details, but the overall effect is that she made a bunch of mistakes and half-assed trying to fix them.
Like, look at that cuff. JUST LOOK AT IT.
Well, that just looks stupid.
This is actually REALLY cute and I can totally see Carolyn rocking the shit out of it.
Ack, I love this one too! It would look awesome with a contrasting fabric to really show off all those seam details.
So, the seamlines+color scheme+texture (I’m guessing it’s stretch velvet?) on this dress totally makes me think of a saber toothed tiger. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I guess, if you’re into that sort of thing. I tried to Google y’all a picture of a saber toothed tiger just to prove my point… and instead I came across this:
Yes, you saw that right. That is Richard Nixon punching a saber toothed tiger.
There’s also this amazingness from the same artist. HOLY SHIT THIS GUY IS AWESOME.
Ok, back to Vogue…
Hm, could be hit or miss.
The topstitched hem is pretty snazzy, amirite? High five, Vogue!
Not really sure how I feel about this one. It’s very different and I do like that. I can’t stand the sleeves, though. All I want to do is grab that underarm excess and pinch it.
Yo Vogue, your epileptic fabric choices mean I CAN’T SEE SHIT!
I just wanted to point out that, again, the wall is collapsing around her. They really should hire a building inspector to take a look at that place before someone gets hurt.
I swear to God, this is LITERALLY a rectangle of fabric with a cutout down the middle.
No, Vogue, you can’t do that – that’s just cheating.
WAY too many ruffley/dangly options, but all in all – not half bad. I’d sew it!
Way to take a really cool pattern and make it look like a throwback to the embarrassing part of the early 90s.
Whaaaaaaat! These are awesome.
Who the hell puts an invisible zipper (aka not a design element) in a knit top? What the fuck.
Side note: I just made the mistake of staring at her bun, and now I’m lost in a vortex of swirling hair. Magic!
Who draws these things, anyway? Like, who sat there and thought, “Hmm, you know what this skirt needs? LEOPARD PRINT*.”
(*y’all know I fucking love leopard print. But, as with everything good, there is a time and a place. This was not the time, nor the place.)
I am convinced that they just rephotograph/redraw this every season and call it new.
Even the model can’t figure out where the other half of her peplum went.
For me, going through the Vogue patterns from top to bottom is like browsing Netflix. The first few rows are attention grabbing, but as you go down, they get progressively worse.
Can we discuss how utterly ADORABLE these little kids patterns are, though?
Like, holy shit, I think they almost brought my shriveled up ovaries back to life.
And, you know… in case you forgot where babies come from, Vogue is here to remind you.
This will be very useful for those days when you have no pockets or purse and need to stash things in your hat.
Lord, Vogue, haven’t we already discussed this?
Whatever. Don’t let me stop you.
In other Vogue news, I noticed that Vogue is taking notes for a future sewalong, as well as a giveaway for one of the new patterns (they didn’t ask me to promote this, btw. Just noticed and figured some of y’all would be interested!). They’ve really been pushing the social media lately and I think it’s awesome! Just, you know… keep releasing a healthy dose of wtf patterns and/or envelope with wacky styling, please. I need something to entertain me.
What do you think about these new patterns? See any you love or love to laugh at?