i officially hate vogue sewing patterns

29 Sep

vogue released their winter line of sewing patterns today – pretty early, if you ask me, since most of us are just dipping our toes into fall weather clothes (it was 100* here in nashville last week!). normally, i loove vogue sewing patterns. i love the extra touches that are included to make your finished garment more “handmade” than “homemade,” like french seams and foundation corsets and fun things like that. i love that they make patterns based of major designer’s looks so you can rip them off and save yourself $1000 in the process. i love the smug satisfaction i get from sewing an ~advanced~ vogue pattern because it makes me feel smart and knowledgeable.

I DO NOT LOVE VOGUE’S NEW PATTERN LINE, THOUGH.

i hope you are not eating when you proceed.

ok, i lied. there were 3 patterns i actually liked (or semi-liked):

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vogue 1206 is actually pretty cute. the fabric they chose for the picture is heinous, but i think you could work some real magic with this one.

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vogue 8701 is almost perfect, except those pants are horrible. the jacket is supa cute though. maybe when i finish my lady grey, i will be the tailoring queen and i will make one of those jackets for myself.

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vogue 8687
i like the line drawing on this. i have been digging the idea of wearing a sheath dress with a coat over it that has lining that matches the sheath dress (like so), and i also like the idea of the coat and dress being the same fabric with some kind of cute contrast for the lining.

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… that being said, can we talk about how dowdy the model looks? UGH. GET A NEW STYLIST, VOGUE.

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vogue 1209
i want to like this one, i really do, but i feel like that dress wouldn’t be flattering on anyone. not even the model wearing it.

and it gets worse…

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vogue 1214
kind of cute, but at the same time it doesn’t make a lick of sense. is that a… sleeveless jacket vest thing with a train at the back??? may i remind you that this is the WINTER line. wtf why would i wear a jacket with no sleeves in the winter? anyone? anyone?
this pattern also includes leggins. PROTIP: LEGGINS ARE NOT PANTS JSYK.

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vogue 8686
this is another vintage vogue… the line drawing is cute, in a stylized-40s-woman-with-an-impossibly-small-wasp-waist kind of way, but i can’t stop loling at the irl version that vogue made up. THAT WOMAN DOESN’T EVEN LOOK REAL.

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HURRR

anyway.

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vogue 8690
apparently, the designers at vogue got really bored because they started making patterns for oversized tshirts.

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vogue 8694
an especially head-scratching pattern. at first glance, you’d think they were advertising some sort of corset with an off-the-shoulder tulle thing and maybe a pattern for the rosette…

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nope, it’s just a pattern for a… scarf??
did you really think we were stupid enough to need some hand-holding when it comes to gathering a large swatch of tulle, vogue?

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granted, the pattern does include this jacket thing, but it also looks dowdy as shit.

keeping with the grand tradition of giving us useless patterns for turning squares of fabric into scarves (i guess scarves = winter clothing??), vogue offers not one, but TWO scarf patterns:

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vogue 8703
this one includes fingerless gloves.
who here has worn fingerless gloves outside of hot topic since, i dunno, 2001?

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vogue 8702
this one looks like a combination of cheap minky fleece and a dead animal that has been dyed purple.

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vogue 8704
and who can forget the shriner-wannabe hats? made from fleece, of course. because nothing says professional millinery like some cheap $7.99 a yard purple fleece bought with a joann’s coupon.

of course, i saved the best for last…

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vogue 1213
vogue. vogue. what were you smoking when you designed this???

if you don’t think that looks bad, consider the line drawing:
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yes, those ripples in the fabric were intentional, not the result of a drunk photographer.
it’s like wearing a nightmare.

vogue, i am disappoint.

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23 Responses to “i officially hate vogue sewing patterns”

  1. Alisha September 29, 2010 at 4:26 pm #

    That last one. *Twitch* It reminds me of cat-vomit-turned-clothing. Wtf is this shit?

    • lladybird September 30, 2010 at 8:33 am #

      the last one was actually the first pattern that i saw… and it forever tainted my views of vogue. ugh.

  2. Michele September 29, 2010 at 11:49 pm #

    I have to say that I love your blog as much as I hate these patterns. And those are the stupidest fucking hats I have EVER seen.

    • lladybird September 30, 2010 at 8:34 am #

      hahaha WELL IMMA MAKE YOU THAT ONE IN THE TOP RIGHT WHAT TO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT

  3. Ywea October 14, 2010 at 11:51 am #

    cool blog, and I agree;)

    • Anonymous October 21, 2010 at 1:11 pm #

      Bahahahaha! the last one- even the model looks slightly stunned to be wearing such a…..? large piece of ric-rac?
      the designers at vogue must be smoking crack

  4. KathleenS December 4, 2010 at 5:05 am #

    I laughed till I cried about your comment on Vogue 8702. And I hadn’t noticed anything really wrong with this collection before! – other than the stegosaurus coat *of course*.

  5. Sewbug February 12, 2011 at 8:06 am #

    The last coat, is by KOOS van den Akker, not Vogue. He is a New York designer, and known for his outlandish styles and colors and his collage styles. You may know him best for his sweaters in the Cosby Show. I can remember folks hating those sweaters too. He is definitely a love or hate kind of designer. I personally LOOOVE him. I bought the pattern and can’t wait to make it.

    • Sewbug February 12, 2011 at 8:10 am #

      Oops, Designed by KOOS, not designed by Vogue. Vogue is carrying his pattern however. Needed to correct that.

    • lladybird February 12, 2011 at 9:43 am #

      you know, since posting this entry i saw a review for this pattern on patternreview.com and the woman who made it up did an amazing job… she didn’t use a bunch of different fabrics, so you could really see the silhouette and scallops and other design details. really neat!!

      i still stand by my hatred for the wobbly arms, though :B

      oh, and when you do make up this pattern, i definitely want to see the end result!!!

    • Judi July 13, 2012 at 10:27 am #

      These posts are from over a year ago, but seeing as I just saw them, I’m responding. I happen to love the designs by Koos!!! Not everyone does and that’s OK. I also happen to like the Vogue oversized tee. And the hats. :)

  6. Sewbug February 12, 2011 at 9:47 am #

    I will definitely shoot you a photo of it. In the meantime, here is one photo of a woman who made hers up already. http://finesewing.blogspot.com/2011/02/koos-van-den-akker-v1213.html

  7. Rachael May 31, 2011 at 8:57 pm #

    Oh my GOD, I lol’d so hardcore when I saw that last jacket. Jesus christ…

  8. Brandy Layton October 6, 2011 at 11:10 am #

    I think I have stopped laughing….nope! I wonder how they managed to dye cat hairballs!

  9. Katy May 15, 2012 at 3:03 pm #

    That last one is hilarious! They’ve designed a jacket for Mr Jelly!

  10. Anthony W. October 31, 2012 at 7:55 pm #

    I am in the final stages of making the Pattern so many snarky women love to hate, apparently.
    Yes,it IS the Koos coat 1213, and it may not be to everyone’s liking.
    However, I like his approach to combining multiple fabrics and textures in one garment. It is wearable art, like a collage.
    I like the applique treatment and irregular shapes. His work has a nice edginess to it, not too “matchy-matchy mother of the bride” syndrome.
    And it is fun to see how these garments evolve.
    Being a male who sews, I would like to see Koos create some men’s patterns. He has terrific shirts for men at his website. A person could probably recreate one , using some old shirt patterns to cut up, though.
    Don’t get me wrong, sewing sisters and brothers. I am enjoying your critique of Vogue’s patterns, too.
    But let’s give Koos kudos for pushing the limits beyond our imaginations, okay?

    • LLADYBIRD November 1, 2012 at 9:02 am #

      I think the way I feel about Koos is the same way I feel about the Beatles (and please don’t throw things at my head for saying, this, ok? Ha!)- I can appreciate their contributions to their art, but I personally don’t care for them at all. Does that make sense? I actually like the combination of textures/colors/fabrics that Koos uses, for the most part – but I can’t get behind those weird wavy scallops on that coat, sorry! A little past my limit :)

      HOWEVER, you cannot comment here about how you are a man who sews & makes Koos garments and then not leave me some visual evidence! C’mon, dude! You are KILLING me here! Let me seeee! :D

  11. Shari January 2, 2013 at 9:29 pm #

    hahaaaa I laughed out loud for about ten minutes after seeing that last jacket! Pretty sure my bf thinks I have lost my mind… the line jacket on that one is soooo funny… it looks like it’s under water!!! Thanks for sharing this!

    • Trish August 27, 2014 at 1:09 pm #

      Omg… I am killing myself snickering at my desk over this blog post and the comments on the jacket. I got kind a dizzy looking at said jacket :)

      Just started reading this blog today ..

  12. Wilmotts Wonders January 10, 2014 at 10:44 am #

    I have to say… I kind of like the last jacket. Quirky and unique, use the right fabrics and it could look amazing!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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    [...] released their winter sewing patterns! in fact, it’s been almost exactly a year since i last shit all over them. happy anniversary to me! let’s celebrate with a snarky shit-talking post, shall [...]

  2. New Vogue Sewing Patterns: Uglier Than Ever « LLADYBIRD - April 26, 2012

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